Dear neuro...

neuro-praxis

Amen brother!

Gordon

What?

I am having an unfortunate habit of throwing my dirty laundry into my toilet instead of my top-loading washing machine situated next to my toilet.

koneko

a hat that says "OBEY ME"

preferably a fuzzy one

Jim

Moving on to koneko's issue....

amp

Wise words indeed Neuro. Remember Seamus, while this is a benovelent dictatorship, it's still a dictatorship. Mods will always be superior to mere users.

Also I found this note tucked under my..uh.. door...:


Dear Neuro,

I have another problem. I am outrageously attracted to a girl on the internet. She keeps rejecting my advances despite my witty intelligent banter and great dress sense. What can I do to woo her?

Anonymous

neuro-praxis

Gordon wrote:

What?

I am having an unfortunate habit of throwing my dirty laundry into my toilet instead of my top-loading washing machine situated next to my toilet.

This reveals a deep-rooted psychoses. Your clothes, which are a part of YOU, you seem to see, as equivalent to SH|T. This is bad news. Low self-esteem is often a cause of suicide. I hope I have given you enough hints.

koneko

Jimeatsmenu wrote:

Moving on to koneko's issue....

these arent the issues you're looking for

Gordon

neuro-praxis wrote:

This reveals a deep-rooted psychoses. Your clothes, which are a part of YOU, you seem to see, as equivalent to SH|T. This is bad news. Low self-esteem is often a cause of suicide. I hope I have given you enough hints.

You could be right, I do live near a road.

amp

Dear Neuro,

I have become obsessed with cataloguing my personal flaws and posting them here. What can I do to stop this?

Pam

PH01

koneko wrote:

these arent the issues you're looking for

That's denial - refusal to admit the truth or reality (as of a statement or charge) - assertion that an allegation is false - refusal to acknowledge a person or a thing.

neuro-praxis

pam wrote:

Dear neuro,

I have another problem. I am outrageously attracted to a girl on the internet. She keeps rejecting my advances despite my witty intelligent banter and great dress sense. What can I do to woo her?

Anonymous

Your poor friend.

I think that your friend is being rejected because he/she is grotesquely unattractive. Alternatively, the object of his/her affection may be suffering a mental illness. I can't see any other reasons for such bizarre rejections. In either case, it it best to leave sleeping dogs lie, and not be killing them, like in that odd book.

I recommend that your friend have some plastic surgery and buy some stabilising drugs for the girl, which he may slip into her beer at the next boards event.

LET THE LOVE BLOSSOM!

koneko

there's no such things as girls on the internet

except maybe those cam whores
but i have my doubts about them tbh!

PH01

pam wrote:

Dear Neuro,

I have become obsessed with cataloguing my personal flaws and posting them here. What can I do to stop this?

Pam

Me too Neuro, but I'm obsessed about reading them!

neuro-praxis

pam wrote:

Dear Neuro,

I have become obsessed with cataloguing my personal flaws and posting them here. What can I do to stop this?

Pam

Hrm. Shut up? Or staple your hands together. It can be done!

amp

neuro-praxis wrote:

Your poor friend.

I think that your friend is being rejected because he/she is grotesquely unattractive. Alternatively, the object of his/her affection may be suffering a mental illness. I can't see any other reasons for such bizarre rejections. In either case, it it best to leave sleeping dogs lie, and not be killing them, like in that odd book.

I recommend that your friend have some plastic surgery and buy some stabilising drugs for the girl, which he may slip into her beer at the next boards event.

LET THE LOVE BLOSSOM!

Thanks Neuro, my friend is ringing private clinics and chemists as I type!

neuro-praxis

koneko wrote:

there's no such things as girls on the internet

except maybe those cam whores
but i have my doubts about them tbh!

You are skating on thin ice, koneko.

One more post like this and I'll be sending you a nasty pm.

Unless, of course...it is a PROBLEM for you that there are no girls on the internet? If that is your problem, then I suggest that you kidnap a few of these female specimens and force them to type things on the internet while you hover nearby, your hooks trembling in anticipation.

neuro-praxis

PH01 wrote:

Me too Neuro, but I'm obsessed about reading them!

Rubbing chopped chilli peppers on the eyes should sort this one out!

koneko

i should... hook... myself...?

I give up
I'm beyond help. Please use this thread to better those souls that can be saved, like PH01. he clearly has many issues.

amp

koneko wrote:

there's no such things as girls on the internet

:eek:

Dear Neuro,

While posting on the interweb I discovered that I may have shagged (or have dreamed I have) women who only claimed to be women and were not in fact female. I don't think my ever stretching sexuality can deal with this anymore. What should I do?

Pam

neuro-praxis

Koneko:

NO NO NO.

Slash the girls that you kidnap with the hooks!

God, you're a bloody danger to yourself.

neuro-praxis

Pam,

Be the master (or mistress) of your own destiny. I think we all reach a point at one way or another where we admit that we have expired.

Say goodbye pam, say goodbye.

I'll have your DVDs.

koneko

neuro-praxis wrote:

Koneko:

NO NO NO.

Slash the girls that you kidnap with the hooks!

God, you're a bloody danger to yourself.

I see!
if it's for the good of the people on the internet I will do this thing you ask of me

amp

Dear Neuro,

The advice I'm getting from a guru on the internet is becoming increasingly violent and disturbing. I'm worried it may make me more violent and disturbing. What? What? What?

Pam

pickarooney

Dear neuro,

I have this irresitible compulsion to start questions and

neuro-praxis

WHAT?!

PH01

koneko wrote:

i should... hook... myself...?

I give up
I'm beyond help. Please use this thread to better those souls that can be saved, like PH01. he clearly has many issues.

Cheeky!
Listen Koneko, you're not beyond help. You just got to stop denying it. Admit your faults to Neuro and he/she will solve them.
Hey, if it worked for me it can work for you too. Go on, what have you got to lose?

amp

Dear Neuro,

The Forces Of Evil Are Making Me Talk Like This.

amp

Dear Neuro,

You're not anwering my questions. My agony is uneased.

Pam

PH01

pam wrote:

Dear Neuro,

You're not anwering my questions. My agony is uneased.

Pam

[evil voice]...kill him, kill him, kill him...[/evil voice]

neuro-praxis

Dear Pam,

Sorry. Allow me to launch into your bottomless bucket of personal problems once more. I was selfishly making a cup of tea!

1.I advise you to track down this questionable guru and set fire to her face. That should stop her from making you do any more unnaturally violent things. All you need is vodka and a packet of matches and a camcorder.

2.In order to expel the forces of evil from one's soul, one must bathe in acid. Not even a demon likes acid. A bath of acid can be obtained by smashing open 2-300 packets of AA batteries over the bath with your dad's hammer.

3.For problems with personal agony, I suggest using illegal drugs. I don't know much about them because I am suspiciously holy, but I hear they do great things for decreasing personal agony.

Now, get the hell out of my thread and go see a counsellor!