Ask Pam (AMP)

amp

PH01 wrote:

Pam, what else will I get the wife for Christmas apart from Chanel No.19 which I've got already?
Cheers,
P.

PH01 seeks present advice for his spouse,
To bring more than sweet smells to his house,
Don't get oven gloves,
Get something she loves,
And that shows your love like cheese to a mouse.

amp

pickarooney wrote:

Poor BEAT's love-life has gone down the crapper
She needs a man dashing and dapper
But please heed this warning
He must stay past morning
As she isn't some class of a slapper

The sole advice I have for BEAT
Even though the poor girl is in heat
Is to keep having patience
As regards sexual relations
The right guy she'll eventually meet

Good lord, Am I in the wrong thread?,
Is the topic wrong or am I dead?
What the story?
Stop stealing my glory!
Ah feck it, I'm going back to my bed.

amp

Sarky wrote:

Dear Pam,

What would you do if I sang out of tune?

Yours sincerely,
Sarky.

What would I do if he sang out of tune?,
Would I stand up and call you a loon?
I will not,
Friends you have got,
They'll help you out while you howl at the moon.

keu

Keu stands proud against a dark background,
Her blood boils with all the trolls abound,
Deaths too good,
Torture them you should,
And from them hear an agonising sound.

omgorsh i never knew I trolling with trolls could be so much fun, listen..

a troll wrote:

/me runs around with my hands in the air screaming "i'm a raving looney"

I love you Pam.

PH01

pam wrote:

PH01 seeks present advice for his spouse,
To bring more than sweet smells to his house,
Don't get oven gloves,
Get something she loves,
And that shows your love like cheese to a mouse.

You're amazing Pam. If there was a Noble Prize for Limericks you should get one!

Agent Smith

pam?
why does christmas depress me so?

StupidLikeAFox

pam, why is a limerick called a limerick?

goin'_to_the_PS

Pam
why am i hungary

amp

agent smith wrote:

pam?
why does christmas depress me so?

So Mr Smith has sad tale to tell
The joy of Xmas rings not his bell,
It does nothing for him,
But make him more grim,
"It's the smell, Mr Anderson, it's the smell"

amp

goin'_to_the_PS wrote:

Pam
why am i hungary

There was a young poster quite mad,
A unusual identity he had,
Well I'm the tooth fairy,
If you are Hungary,
That you don't owe 20 billion, be glad.

amp

To all who have posted hear this,
Not a single query did I miss,
You've made myself laugh,
Despite the odd gaff,
So I wish you all a Happy Christmas!

amp

ColHol wrote:

pam, why is a limerick called a limerick?

It appears I wrote the above far to early,
I nearly missed Colhol's quoted query,
It's origin is obscure,
As no one is sure,
A line from a poem? Well it could be.

Pam why is an udder called an elder in wexford?

*adele*

why was i banned from fahion boards >:(

koneko

/me does moderator glare in *adele*'s direction

amp

Earthman wrote:

Pam why is an udder called an elder in wexford?

In some parts we do select,
Sometimes an archaic dialect,
But long ago,
Fado Fado,
Elder was the word that was perfect.

amp

*adele* wrote:

why was i banned from fahion boards >:(

Oh, great another new moron,
But my poetry hat is still on,
From reading your post,
If I were your host,
I'd ban you cos you can't spell fashion.

elivsvonchiaing

pam wrote:

In some parts we do select,
Sometimes an archaic dialect,
But long ago,
Fado Fado,
Elder was the word that was perfect.

<standing ovation> <reluctantly puts pint of floor and claps!>

BEAT

Dearest Pam,

Do men ever mean what they say or say what they mean?

pickarooney

While it's true that some men have a leaning
Towards masking with words their true meaning
You'll find oft times birds
Get confused by big words
(And should really get back to the cleaning)

amp

BEAT wrote:

Dearest Pam,

Do men ever mean what they say or say what they mean?

Beat still seeks the cock,
A key to open her lock,
It's not just the males
That tell tall tales,
Both genders lie in order to dock.

BEAT

Pickarooney & Pam
while amusing thier answers may be
offer no real help to me

I have a high self esteem &
care not only for the cock,
large words offer me no problem
but rather make me hot

Truth and lies are told by both genders
but it seems,
when it comes to romance
men tend to flee

Honesty is what I seek
I have no time for the meek
A man who knows what he wants & grabs it I need
yet I only attract the weak

So thank you for
the laugh,
I needed it today
The year is at an end as well as this topic
so that is all I have to say.

StupidLikeAFox

hey all this rhymings driving me crazy
id do some myself but im lazy
hey whaddya know?
LOOK AT ME GO!!!
Ah crap ive lost it now....

Agent Smith

pam: why do i have a hangover?

Sarky

Dear Pam,

Why is it so dark in here? Oh, crap! What was that sound?

Yours,

SarkAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaargh

Rozabeez

Pam, why am I at home on New Year's Eve? With my mother?

Sarky

Because you're too young to go out.

Rozabeez

Then why are you home? on New Year's eve?

Sarky

Who said I was? I'm busy earning doubletime for posting crap like this!

Rozabeez

nice one.