a few...

bender

Christmas Tree angel:
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but
there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee
elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was
beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed
Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three
of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out,
heaven knows where. More Stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy
bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Totally frustrated, Santa
went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey.

When he went to the cupboard, he found the Elves had hid the liquor and
there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot
and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He
went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made
from.

Just then the door bell rang and Santa cursed on his way to the door. He
opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas
tree. The angel said:"Where would you like to put this tree fat man?"

And that my friend, is how the little angel came to be on top of the
Christmas tree .......

---

Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to
the King, shooed him away with no payment made. The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's shorts. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...

quarryman

....bad jokes.

Zombienosh

they were good, strange though.