If you ran a cinema?

Mr E

If you ran your own cinema, what would you do to make it the best possible experience for the movie-going public? Heres what I'd have in a cinema if I could build one from scratch and run it....

Cinema/Box Office.
- At least 15 screens.
- At least 8 cash desks open during busy times.
- Merchandising (a bit like the shop that was in the UGC)
- Loyalty card scheme (at a basic level, you get points for going to the cinema and getting food there. The more you spend, the quicker you can get something back, like free tickets or free food)

The Shop.
- Self service (like UGC)
- Plenty of cash desks.
- Reasonably priced food (!)
- Coffee! (with a "tough sh*t if you spill it on yourself" disclaimer)
- Choice between salted and unsalted popcorn

The Screens.
- Tiered seating.
- Mobile phone jammers.
- Large screens.
- Comfortable bucket seats, slight recline.
- Ushers to tell people to STFU (preferably 1 per screen)

The Show.
- Show the ads for the 15 minutes before the showtime.
- At showtime, start the trailers.
- Show at least 3 trailers.

The Movies.
- Show at least 2 foreign language movies per week.
- Show 1 classic movie per week...
- Have marathons from time to time. 2 or 3 themed movies back to back etc.

Anyone got any other suggestions?

Roar

It'd be great to watch all the lotr:ee's back toback inthe cinema!! but who would have the stamina for it? also all 6 star wars when revenge comes out.

and i like the classic movie idea too

ixoy

A special high vantage point where night-vision goggle equipped ushers will peer down at the foyer to spot anyone talking. Such offenders are instantly shot point-blank in the head with a tranquilizer dart. The only reason it's not a bullet is that I don't think other, paying and attentive, customers would appreciate being showered in brain matter and skull bone.

Maybe not the most realistic proposal but I'm sure some would welcome it...

Mr E

Ixoy... How about giving them a mild electric shock? Have a light built into the armrest. If you talk or are disruptive, the light goes on. Do it again, and you get a jolt up the anus.

(I guarantee they won't talk again!)

ixoy

You're too kind TmB. They know very well they need to STFU once the movie begins and don't deserve a warning. A light bulb going off would only serve to distract those around them. This way they're taken out silently and can regain consciousness at a later stage.

BlitzKrieg

but what do you do with them when the movie is over. its very difficult to get a tranq dart wth enuf power to put someone out for the exact length of the film. Your gonna have a pile of unconcious people outside the cinema door.

plus you will have to pay extra to the staff who will have to carry those fat basterds out of the cinema.

then of course they could get robbed while being unconcious and you could be sued.

(man i'm taking this too serious.)

ixoy

Well with respect to that BlitzKreig, you'd just shove the comatose bodies into a storage area. Lawsuits won't be a problem because I'll also be in control of the law, having taken over and dissolved the ineffective Dail.

Crucifix

Melted butter.
No screens or anything, just melted butter.

BlitzKrieg

ixoy wrote:

Well with respect to that BlitzKreig, you'd just shove the comatose bodies into a storage area. Lawsuits won't be a problem because I'll also be in control of the law, having taken over and dissolved the ineffective Dail.

i see you've planned this very well. well kudos to you sir well met.


i shall support you when the revolution comes...or shall you take power without the support of the people?

is_that_so

I would have a different movie on every day and most of the above as well. Bliss

Playboy

Late Shows every night.
Imo no show should ever sell out ... make enough screens available.
The price of food in cinemas is ridiculous
The quality of food in cinemas is ridiculous.
More arthouse movies need to be shown.
More marathon sessions such as a LOTR/MATRIX/ROCKY etc. etc.
Oscar Season - where old and new winners are shown.

is_that_so

Strange that song from Willie Wonka comes into my head " I want it All" that Feruka sings

Retr0gamer

I'd refuse to show extended lager, guinness or mobile phone ads before films.

rob1891

Exactly like the IFI except with air conditioning in screen two! Only bad experiences I've had there are due to the film we had chosen to see, the environment is perfect, nice bar, good pub food and no disturbances during the shows.

Kevin_rc_ie

My Carlsberg cinema

-Cinema is open 24-7-364 (no xmas showings).
-tickets can be purchased in advance without tariff tru the internet (by text too) by simply selecting film and time and entering your unlimited card no.
-entering the screen you show your card and ticket and are guided but not escorted to your seat (which is comfortable and tiered).
-as tmb said if the guide says it starts at 21:00 ads are run prior, appropriate -trailers start at 21:00 and film starts few minutes later.
-the doors are shut at 21:00 and no one can enter late afterwards.
-previews and opening day seats are prioritised for freqent well mannered customers.
-noisy, smelly, rude ppl are some how prevented from entering.
-no pop corn no tacos no hot dogs no sweets. only water.

in terms of films available i would love to have a good mix between the hollywood biggies, the european arties and the indos. also "classics" such as jaws and pulp fiction would be shown once a week.

--

simu

mostly arthouse films

screeings of classic films, obscure sci-fi especially

no noisy or smelly food

tea available as a beverage

late shows

good student discount

café where people can hang around before & after films

subscription offer - unlimited access for a month for a set fee

frequent screenings of films made by local film makers

mobile phone jammers

aidan_walsh

All of what TmB and Kevin say, and absolutly no television adverts. Oh, if I find the clever person who came up with showing television ads in the cinema...

Capt'n Midnight

seats where your view can't be blocked

proper darkness - non of this dim background lighting
no noisy or sticky food - lemon bonbons excepted

Anyone listening to Dave Fanning recently about the cineam in Kerry that had a Christmas film and then at the cliff hanger half way through when Santa's reindeer was looking like it was on it's last legs and they had an intermission.

And they had a Santa and all the children went up worried about the deer, he reassured them one by one and then lights went down for the second half.

That's the sorta cinema I like ( actually I'd like enough money to afford to keep one like that )

Makaveli

Pretty much the same cinema as Tmb's but their must be cup holders in the seats and leg room.
Small rubbish bins that pull out of the seat in front of you would be implemented too, and if you're caught throwing your rubbish on the floor you get a slap from an usher.
Also, as it's my cinema and my rules, there would be screenings of films where kids are banned, regardless of certificate, maybe I'd run the same film at the same time open to anyone just to apease the pc brigade.
No skangers. Even if you just happen to resemble one slightly you're barred.

ixoy

Oh and another rule. You're not allowed get up out of your seat once the movie begins. Getting in the way is rude and disruptive and I don't like that...

Hugh Hefner

Pipes leading from each of your below waist orifices so you can drink and eat all you want and not need to worry about having to go to the toilet.

Finger bowls so you can easily get the salt off your fingers after eating popcorn.

Cinema staff must be volunteers who know about the industry, it's past and present (future if possible). This way they'd be happy and helpful. They should get a small incentive. Not enough for them to consider it as a job but enough to keep the passionate returning. e.g. 7 free admittances per month if they do 5 half-days work per month. I'd do it for that.

Agent Smith

porn....


24/7

Caesar_Bojangle

then the ground would be extra sticky.

IQ tests to be taken by all patrons before going to see any intelligant films.

skywalker

- shows start on time. or within 5 mins. no ads for twenty minutes. no bloody 1/2 hour long short film that nobody wants to watch tacked on to the show(a big complaint of mine with UCI recently)

- during busy periods theres a ticket desk open for every screen, 2 for the main features. these will only sell tickets for that one screen. this goes up to 3 for the 15 mins before the show starts. this means the transaction is much simpler. all you need to do is say how many tickets you want and hand over the readies. oh your in the wrong queue? **** off to the right one then!

- cant really think of a way to cut down on food queues other than more tills open.

- better food, and MUCH CHEAPER! seriously the price of cinema food is crazy.

Mr E

The ads thing is a huge issue for me. Went to The Incredibles on Sunday night. There were 16 minutes of ads -- 21 ads (I counted!) and one 30 second trailer. That is just incredibly stupid....

You wouldn't see that many ads in an hour long show on Sky 1. Four of the ads were for sky, and all are crap except for the tribal chanting one (which cracks me up every time).

Blisterman

Specially genetically modified popcorn and sweets which aren't bad for you, ay cheap prices.
Also big screens like the one in the savoy.

Peteee

mmm all good suggestions.

Hope ye all know that 'real' cinema's make most of their money through food??

Anyway perfect cinema would be

*Have lots of old classics, oscar winners, 'movies you must see in the cinema but missed them'
*Some sort of unlimited card, 20 euro a month for unlimited viewing or something
*NO ads
*Trailers that are relevant
*Would show local films
*Would have a bar, with low music, so you could talk about the movies that you jsut saw
*Merchandise store, posters, 35mm frames, etc
*Loads of staff so you dont ahve to queue too much

Xcom2

Peteee wrote:

mmm all good suggestions.

*Have lots of old classics, oscar winners, 'movies you must see in the cinema but missed them'
*Some sort of unlimited card, 20 euro a month for unlimited viewing or something
*NO ads
*Trailers that are relevant
*Would show local films
*Would have a bar, with low music, so you could talk about the movies that you jsut saw
*Merchandise store, posters, 35mm frames, etc
*Loads of staff so you dont ahve to queue too much

Pretty much all of that and add in mobile phone jammer's and I'll be happy!

X

Jim

Personally I've lost almost all patience I had for Hollywood films.
I'd only show independant films which I deem good enough to be showing.

Probably wouldn't last a week.
Bloody public.

ObeyGiant

My ideal cinema wouldn't be complete without a giant curtain for the screen, just like screen 1 in the Savoy.

pickarooney

Website where customers vote for film of the week, which is then shown (ignoring the fact that people will post crap for a laugh and not show up).
Surprise features - a couple of quid a pop for old, unusual films
No ads
Small screens in backs of chairs for rewinding when you miss an important line.
No noisy people.

Actually, sod it, I'll just stay at home and watch what I want to watch.

Capt'n Midnight

An old Flyan O'Brien idea

Below every seat is a trapdoor and a ladder, no one blocks anyones view.

SteM

- Mobile phone jammers. There will be a time I will kill someone for using their phone during a movie. I am admitting it now. It's only a matter of time.
- A cleaning crew that CLEANS the room between showings. UGC staff I'm looking at you!
- No long queues.
- Affordable food.
- Unlimited card.
- Decent bar where people can meet before/after a movie, strictly over 18s. Not like the UGC which is really just an uncomfortable room with no atmosphere.
- Trailers relevant to the movie.
- Once a movie starts there should be no entry (Hitchcock insisted on this when Psycho was released IIRC). Dopey groups of people looking for seats together 10 minutes into the movie annoy me.
- One staff member on hand per screen to tell people to stop talking. I swear to Jebus I just don't understand this, if people want to talk go to a fuppin pub where they can chat to their hearts content.

Chalk

permission to drink beer in the cinema if you can do so quietly, or if its a comedy you should be encouraged to have a beer with you.
extra legroom to allow people to stertct out and people to get by.
i would allow people to use there phone in the cinema then hand there photo to a junkie outside who could then remove said phoen from them afterwards.


after 1 week i would stop letting people in to my cinema at all

bringitdown

Couple of ideas from Oz:

A luxury / premiere area where you get bigger seats, a side table and "classy" food, no more plebs for me!

A double screening of classic films at 8pm on a Fri,Sat,Sun for the price of one movie in a decent screen.

Gonzorex

ixoy wrote:

A special high vantage point where night-vision goggle equipped ushers will peer down at the foyer to spot anyone talking.
QUOTE]

Fair point, but what annoys me just as much (if not more) than talking is if you just tap the person in fronts chair ONCE and they turn around with a demonic glare as if you just kidnapped their kids or something. Or the old turning to their equality humour-free partner and loudly commenting 'under their breath' something like "I hope this isn't going to be it now for the night", to which I usually let out a huge 'sssssshhhhhh!' just to wind them up even more.
So, my suggestion would be some sort of laser so that you could blast these people in the eye and leave them blind just for the duration of the film:
Her: "whats happening now, can't see a thing since I've been lasered?"
Him:"yer man has stolen the access code to sanitarium 19 and he's making a getaway in a silver lotus"
Her: "what was that?"
Him: "OH FOR CHRISTS SAKE!!!! can we not come back and watch it another night?!!, its your own fault you can't see anyway you b*stard!!!
Me: SSSSSSHHHHHHHH! (just to wind them up even more)

DEmeant0r

Cinema/Box Office.
- At least 15 screens.
- At least 8 cash desks open during busy times.
- Merchandising
- Loyalty card scheme
- A few arcade games set up in the lobby for those that go in to wait for the movie early.

The Shop.
- Self service
- ATMs
- Reasonably priced food
- Choice between salted and sweet popcorn

The Screens.
- Tiered seating.
- Mobile phone jammers.
- Large screens.
- Comfortable bucket seats, slight recline.
- Ushers to tell people to STFU (preferably 3 per screen)

The Show.
- Show the ads for the 15 minutes before the showtime.
- At showtime, start the trailers.
- Show at least 4 trailers.

The Movies.
- Show at least 3 foreign language movies per week.
- Have marathons from time to time. 2 or 3 themed movies back to back etc.

There edited yours a bit, TmB.

Miguel_Sanchez

Crucifix wrote:

Melted butter.
No screens or anything, just melted butter.

You sir, are a genius.

Chevano Riley

id love to set up a cinema that showed nothing but old films. not classics, though, **** films too.

and one screen would be totally random. people pay a cheap price, like 2 euro, and they dont know what it is. and the ushers bolt the door so they cant leave. and theyd be there and be all like "aw, ****, its Shaft Goes to Africa" but theyd come back day after day because that 5 minutes after they walk in before the film starts are the sweetest of their lives.

to accommodate licensing these films i would petition the government to simplify the system and have the based on a purely % of ticket basis.

Playboy

Gonzorex wrote:

ixoy wrote:

A special high vantage point where night-vision goggle equipped ushers will peer down at the foyer to spot anyone talking.
QUOTE]

Fair point, but what annoys me just as much (if not more) than talking is if you just tap the person in fronts chair ONCE and they turn around with a demonic glare as if you just kidnapped their kids or something. Or the old turning to their equality humour-free partner and loudly commenting 'under their breath' something like "I hope this isn't going to be it now for the night", to which I usually let out a huge 'sssssshhhhhh!' just to wind them up even more.
So, my suggestion would be some sort of laser so that you could blast these people in the eye and leave them blind just for the duration of the film:
Her: "whats happening now, can't see a thing since I've been lasered?"
Him:"yer man has stolen the access code to sanitarium 19 and he's making a getaway in a silver lotus"
Her: "what was that?"
Him: "OH FOR CHRISTS SAKE!!!! can we not come back and watch it another night?!!, its your own fault you can't see anyway you b*stard!!!
Me: SSSSSSHHHHHHHH! (just to wind them up even more)

Personally I think you are very stupid if you go tapping someone or their chair. Doing that that will get an aggressive reaction. The only thing I find worse than people talking are idiots who keep 'sssssssshhhhing'. Makes a lot of sense to make more noise if whats annoying you is noise, you in turn annoy other people. If someone is talking a lot just go and make a complaint with an usher.

Gonzorex

Playboy wrote:

Personally I think you are very stupid if you go tapping someone or their chair. Doing that that will get an aggressive reaction. The only thing I find worse than people talking are idiots who keep 'sssssssshhhhing'. Makes a lot of sense to make more noise if whats annoying you is noise, you in turn annoy other people. If someone is talking a lot just go and make a complaint with an usher.

You've basically agreed with my main point and called me stupid at the same time! but maybe I wasn't clear: What annoys me is not noise, the 'tapping' I referred to was if you happen to bump the seat in front of you when sitting down yourself or whenever, and the person occupying that seat takes undue offence and stares/comments under their breath etc. . . .

Tusky

simu wrote:

mostly arthouse films

screeings of classic films, obscure sci-fi especially

no noisy or smelly food

tea available as a beverage

late shows

good student discount

café where people can hang around before & after films

subscription offer - unlimited access for a month for a set fee

frequent screenings of films made by local film makers

mobile phone jammers

That sounds exactly like the IFI

Playboy

Gonzorex wrote:

You've basically agreed with my main point and called me stupid at the same time! but maybe I wasn't clear: What annoys me is not noise, the 'tapping' I referred to was if you happen to bump the seat in front of you when sitting down yourself or whenever, and the person occupying that seat takes undue offence and stares/comments under their breath etc. . . .

Sorry .. I misunderstood you then

Hugh Hefner

http://www.nokiashorts.co.uk/

I think that the 2004 10th finalist kinda sums things up here.