Quotes from the Office

MrJoeSoap

Thought some of these deserved a thread, mostly Gareth cos he's such a legend. Feel free to add your own personal favourites:

“He’s thrown a kettle over a pub, what have you done?” - Gareth

“All farmers have wives.”
“This one doesn’t, he’s gay.”
“Well, then, he shouldn’t be allowed near animals should he.” - Gareth

“People look at me, they say he’s tough, he was in the army he’s gonna be hard, by the book. But I am caring, and sensitive. Isn’t Schindler’s list a brilliant film?” - Gareth

“I don’t know where we’re going tonight. Obviously Finchy’s a sophisticated guy, and Gareth’s a culture vulture, so will it be opera, ballet, I don’t know. I think the RSCs in town, so er... having said that at Chasers it hooch for a pound and wonderbras get in free night.” - Tim

Gareth, trying out a chat up line in Chasers:
“Condom’s come in all different flavours nowadays. There’s strawberry and curry and that. Do you like curry?” - Gareth

“I’m angry, and not because I’m in it, but because it degrades women. Which I hate.” - Brent

“We go there every Wednesday night, and it’s a fun place, but it’s full of loose women. My own problem with that is venereal disease, which is disabilitating right, especially for a soldier. And it’s irresponsible to the rest of your unit as well, right. You’ve been under attack for days, there’s a soldier down, he’s wounded, gangrene’s setting in, ‘who’s used all the penicillin?’ ‘Oh, Mark Paxon sir, he’s got knobrot of some tart.’” - Gareth

“When people say to me: would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss? My answer’s always the same, to me, they’re not mutually exclusive.” - Brent

“Boring isn’t it? Just staying in, watching Peak Practice with your life.”
“mmm, yeah.”
“Not for me. I like it.”
“Yeah, I just stayed in, had a big ****” - Keith and Tim

“I’ve created an atmosphere where I’m a friend first, boss second. Probably entertainer third.” - Brent

Commissar

"I could kill a monkey" - Gareth

Chinafoot

"what upsets me about the job? Wasted talent. People could come to me, and they can go 'excuse me David, but you've been in the business 12 years. can you just spare us a moment to tell us how to run a team, how to keep them task-orientated as well as happy?'
But they don't............thats the tragedy." -Brent


Tim: I want to be a psychologist
Gareth: Same difference. Alright Einstein if you're so clever what am i thinking about now?
Tim: you're thinking "how could i killa tiger armed only with a biro?"
Gareth: No
Tim: Right. You're thinking "if i crash-land in a jungle will i be able to eat my shoes?"
Gareth: No. And you can't.
Tim: Right. What are you thinking, Gareth?
Gareth: I was just wondering: "Will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark?"


"its like an alarm clock's gone off and i've just got to get away. I think it was John Lennon who said 'life's what happens when you're making other plans." And thats how i feel you know. Although he also said "i am the walrus, i am the eggman" so i dont know what to believe." - Tim


"go and get the guitar" - Brent


"what would lenny henry say? oh i think we know. imagine him going out the door on comic relief day and dawn french is going: "where are you going? you havent done the washing up, you havent put the rubbish out."
(gives the finger)
"do it yourself, i've gotta save some Africans" - Brent


Simon: you know bruce lee's not really dead, dont you? yeah, its in a book. what he did was he faked his own death so that he could work undercover for the hong kong police, infiltrating drugs gangs and the triads.
Tim: yea i reckon thats true. cos if you were gonna send someone undercover to investigate the triads you'd probably want the world's most famous chinese film star.



god i love that show!!!