Favorite Quotes

Kêrmêttê

"We're in the stickiest sitution since Sticky the sticky stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun" - Edmond Blackadder

"...you twist and turn like a twisty, turny thing" - Lord Melchett

"My cat's breath smells like cat food" - Ralph Wiggum

"I bent my wookie!" - Ralph Wiggum

All can be used at any occasion

CJ_Will

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -Elizabeth Taylor

I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it. - Jimmy Stewart (in the movie "Harvey")

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true. - Robert Wilensky

America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record getting there. -Laurence J. Peter

"i am not Hitler!" - My Uncle

meditraitor

Oscar Wilde:
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

azezil

"This is not the end... it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." -- Winston Churchill, November 10, 1942

kkennedy

"I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy"
Tom Waits

irlirishkev

"Before Elvis, there was nothing"
-John Lennon.

Can't argue with that

Concannon7

"You cannot conquer Ireland. You cannot extinguish
the Irish passion for freedom. If our deed has not
been sufficient to win freedom, then our children
will win it by a better deed."
Pádraig Pearse


"The British Government has no right in Ireland,
never had any right in Ireland,
and never can have any right in Ireland.
James Connolly"

"They won’t break me because the desire for freedom, and the freedom of the Irish people, is in my heart. The day will dawn when all the people of Ireland will have the desire for freedom to show. It is then that we will see the rising of the moon..."
Volunteer Bobby Sands

"He who laughs last is dim witted"

aidan_dunne

"If World War 3 is fought with nuclear weapons, then World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein. (I believe).

Makes you think, doesn't it? And the scary thing is, who's the guy with his finger on the big red button? Bush! :rolleyes: God help us all!

Maybe someone should mention that quote to him.

"I'm not normally a praying man but, if you're up there, please help me Superman!" - the one and only Homer J. Simpson.

"You talking to me? You talking to me? Then who the hell else are you talking to? You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? Huh? Ok."

and

"Listen you f**kers, you screwheads! Here's a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the c*nts, the dogs, the filth, the sh!t, here is someone who stood up." - Robert De Niro as Travis Bickle in 'Taxi Driver'. Somedays, I know exactly how he feels!

"Hey, Ryan, be careful what you shoot at. Most things in here don't react too well to bullets."

and

"A great day comrades, we sail into history!" - Sean Connery as Captain Marko Ramius, Red October. In fact, that entire speech he gives his crew is fantastic.

"My Morse is so rusty, I could be sending him dimensions on Playmate Of The Month!" - Scott Glenn as Captain. Bart Mancuso, U.S.S. Dallas.

"Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan." - Fred Dalton Thompson as Rear Admiral Josh Painter.

All from the film 'The Hunt For Red October'. In fact, that film is jam-packed with some fantastic quotes.

There's loads more quotes I really like, some have been mentioned already by other people in this thread. If I can remember anymore, I'll post them.

stagolee

calis wrote:

lo stagolee i c ur a waits fan!! he has quite a few good lines himself

"dont you know there aint no devil,
thats just god when hes drunk"

has to be one of my favourites

Shrimp

"You better suprise us, or we'll surpise you" Paul Sr. - OCC

Shrimp

I'm pretty sure I made this one up.. more of a phrase than a quote..

If someone is not funny at all they are..

"as funny as a funeral"

I haven't heard it before and just thought of it the other day :rolleyes:

wayfarer

Just a few from the Batman TV Series. Gosh darn, what a role model!!!

Bruce: "It's sometimes difficult to think clearly when you're strapped to a printing press."

Batman: "This is torture, at its most bizarre and terrible"

Robin: "Gosh, Batman, is there anything you don't know?"
Batman: "Oh yes, Robin. Several things, in fact."


Robin: "Aren't you even going to try and get loose?"
Batman: "What's the cube root of pi, Robin?"

Batman: "There's an eclipse of the sun due."
Robin: "But that's only for half a minute!"
Batman: "That's all we'll need, if my calculus is correct..."

Batman: "If my calculations are correct..."
Robin: "They usually are."
Batman: "...Someone should be coming through that window within the next six seconds."

Robin, about Batgirl: "Do you think she's trying to double-cross us?"
Batman: "No, but she's a woman, Robin, with a woman's inborn desire to outsmart men."

Robin: "Holy molars! Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth!"
Batman: "True. You owe your life to dental hygiene."

Dick: "Gosh, Economics is sure a dull subject."
Bruce: "Oh, you must be jesting, Dick. Economics dull? The glamour, the romance of commerce... Hmm. It's the very lifeblood of our country's society."

Robin: "Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?"
Batman: "The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin."

Batman: "Go back outside and calm the flower children."
Robin: "They'll mob me!"
Batman: "Groovy."

Batman: "You know your neosauruses well, Robin. Peanut butter sandwiches it is."

ionapaul

Are the Batman quotes really from the show? 'Cause they rule.

ionapaul

Von Manstein wrote:

"Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor,
for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind.
And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed,
the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry,
infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so.
How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am Caesar."

-- Julius Caesar

You gave a lot of great quotes - but Julius Caesar never said this. Nor did Shakespeare write it in 'Julius Caesar'. This quote first appeared two or three years ago I think - need to Google it to be sure.

McClane

"The bomb has been planted" - Take a wild guess :cool:

"Really, I'm not out to destroy Microsoft. That will just be a completely unintentional side effect." - Linus torvalds

elivsvonchiaing

"Vishnu is trying to persuade the Prince that he should do his duty and to impress him takes on his multi-armed form and says, "Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." I suppose we all thought that one way or another." J Robert Oppenheimer

- Quote of the Bhagavad-Gita. Imho the guy misquoted/made this up - I have read enough translations to judge this!

This is still a quote though!

Shrimp

Those batman one are hilarious! Lol.. good stuff

Capt'n Midnight

Freedoms just another word for nothing left to lose. - Kris Kristofferson.

They hung in the air in exactly the same way that bricks don't.
Uglier things have been seen, but not by reliable witnesses.

Thraktor

"We believe that Adolf Hitler will make 1939 a year to remember."

-The last line of the Time magazine article awarding Adolf Hitler with the Man of The Year award for 1938.

wayfarer

Are the Batman quotes really from the show? 'Cause they rule.

Dont know, I got them in an email.

Ive attached the rest of them here, there is to many to post directly. It does take ages to go through them all but its well worth it!

Raphael

aidan_dunne wrote:

"If World War 3 is fought with nuclear weapons, then World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein. (I believe).

[pedant]
Actually tis "I know not with what weapons world war 3 will be fought, but world war 4 will be fought with sticks and stones

And the churchill one is:

- Winston you're drunk!
- Yes madam, but you are ugly. And tomorrow, I shall be sober, but you will still be ugly
[/pedant]

Another great one of Churchills was:

- Winston if you were my husband I would put poison in your tea
- Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it

Shrimp

They are great..

Shrimp

Here's one I just made up!:

"I hate people that hate people!" - Shrimp

TwoShedsJackson

Whenever anyone asks why I haven't written anything as good as 'Catch 22', I usually reply 'Who has?' - Joseph Heller.

banquo

"Schneider has made a career of telling the public that the climate is going to change drastically any time now, and indeed every spring and fall he's been right." -- P.J. O'Rourke


[P.j o' Rourke] : ""The second item in the liberal creed, after self-righteousness, is unaccountability. Liberals have invented whole college majors--psychology, sociology, women's studies--to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. No one is fond of taking responsibility for his actions, but consider how much you'd have to hate free will to come up with a political platform that advocates killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers. A callous pragmatist might favor abortion and capital punishment. A devout Christian would sanction neither. But it takes years of therapy to arrive at the liberal view." -- P.J. O'Rourke"


"A woman should dress to attract attention. To attract the most attention, a woman should be either nude, or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be." -- P.J. O'Rourke


"Anything that makes your mother cry is fun" -- P.J. O'Rourke "These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper." -- P.J. O'Rourke


"Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there." -- P.J. O'Rourke


"You can't get good chinese takeout in China and cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about communism." - P.J. O'Rourke "To grasp the true meaning of socialism, imagine a world where everything is designed by the post office, even the sleaze." -- P.J. O'Rourke


"The free market is ugly and stupid, like going to the mall; the unfree market is just as ugly and just as stupid, except there is nothing in the mall and if you don't go there they shoot you." - P.J. O'Rourke


In fact, safety has no place anywhere. Everything that's fun in life is dangerous. Horse races, for instance, are very dangerous. But attempt to design a safe horse and the result is a cow (an appalling animal to watch at the trotters.) And everything that isn't fun is dangerous too. It is impossible to be alive and safe.



What would be a road hazard anywhere else, in the Third World is probably the road.






Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong and fun


Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter. In 1982 there was nothing to litter with.

*Angel*

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Why climb Mt. Everest? Because it's there" - George Mallory

"Never deprive someone of hope, it might be all they have" - someone

"Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else"

"To work hard, to live hard, to die hard, and then go to hell after all would be too damn hard." - Carl Sandburg

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." - Mae West

"false face must hide what false heart doth know" - Shakespeare

Ms Beanbag

"we are born naked, wet and hungry, then things get worse"- chinese proverb

Doodee

"a person isn't who they are during the last conversation you had with them - they're who they've been throughout your whole relationship."

Crucifix

Wisdom is the ability to sound like you are quoting, even when you are not.

steveland?

Crucifix wrote:

Wisdom is the ability to sound like you are quoting, even when you are not.

Were you actually quoting there?

Crucifix

SteveD wrote:

Were you actually quoting there?

I don't think so, I either made it up or subconsciously ripped someone of.

Slutmonkey57b

Shrimp, your "new" quotes are practically stone age parts of the lexicon.

My favourite similar lexiographical constant:


"Eat sh!t and die"

Especially useful if you work in customer services somewhere.

McClane

"For the Great Gaels of Ireland Are the men that God made mad,
For all their wars are merry And all their songs are sad." - G.K.Chesterton

"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between." - Oscar Wilde

"I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability." - Oscar Wilde

"This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever." - Sigmund Freud (about the Irish)

"The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another."
- James Boswell

"The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it." - Sidney Littlewood

"They say the sun never sets on the British empire --- well, baby, it's setting." - Frank McCourt

"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat."
- Alex Levine

"It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody."
- Brendan Behan

"A man has been found dead stuffed into a briefcase floating on the Grand
canal-Gardai are treating it as suspicious"
RTE Radio 1 News July 2001

"...I tell you, I have signed my death warrant." - Mick

"To break the connexion with England the never failing source of all our political evils, and to assist the independence of my country, these are my objectives." - Theobald Wolfe Tone

"It is not those who can inflict the most, but those
that can suffer the most who will conquer." - Terence MacSwiney

"You can not put a rope around the neck of an idea; you can not put an idea up against the barrack-square wall and riddle it with bullets; you can not confine it in the strongest prison cell your slaves could ever build."
- Sean O'Casey

"If you strike at, imprison, or kill us, out of our prisons or graves we will still evoke a spirit that will thwart you, and perhaps, raise a force that will destroy you! We defy you! Do your worst!" - James Connolly

"I would walk from here to Drogheda and back to see the man who is
blockhead enough to expect anything except injustice from an English Parliament." - Daniel O'Connell

"You cannot conquer Ireland. You cannot extinguish the Irish passion for freedom. If our deed has not been sufficient to win freedom, then our children will win it by a better deed." - Pádraig Pearse

"The British Government has no right in Ireland, never had any right in Ireland, and never can have any right in Ireland." - James Connolly

Slutmonkey57b

I like the dichotomy of quoting rabid irish fanaticist like Connolly and Pearse alongside reknowned Ireland - haters such as Wilde.

Jahl

"To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour."

William Blake

"We stand between the shadow and the flame"
Someone from Babylon 5 (sheridan?)

All my others have been stolen by ye! Actually just made me remember one....

"The shower of bastards! How dare they do this to me!! I BUILT THE BBC!!"
Henry Sellers from Father Ted

Kingsize

"money may buy you a fine dog but but only love can wag its tail"
kinky freidman

"writing about music is like dancing about architechture"
(has been attributed to frank zappa,elvis costello amongst others but its still a great quote)

& a Zappa definite
"Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read"

Batman: "If my calculations are correct..."
Robin: "They usually are."
Batman: "...Someone should be coming through that window within the next six seconds."

Love it...

Brenner

"I feel about as confused as a baby in a topless bar" - Robin Williams

"You're such a shmeee, such a shmeeeee, shmeeeee..."

....heeeeee?"

Kryton?

ambro25

"In a school of piranhas, the only safety to be had is to be a piranha... a healthy one." Al Capone

Joseph

''If you've tried and failed badly. The lesson is never to try''

''If at first you don't succed never try again!''

Both from Homer Simpson

wayfarer

"Oh my god! How can you live like this, your t-shirts are touching your sweaters!" - Summer, OC

These words mightn't be as philisophical as some of the other quotes but in my opinion, should definitely be taken into account if ones wishes to pursue a life of spirituality, happiness and serenity

A$$A$$IN

A friend of mine once said "I'm quick witted, your just plain smart" really enjoyed that one

Saviour_Angel

"Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet prince:
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!"

-Horatio

From Hamlet Act 5, Scene 2

Miles

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

edibility

Raphael wrote:

He who fights monsters should look into it that he does not himself become a monster.
When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss begins to gaze back into you

- Friedrich Nietzsche

Ctyi philosophy head. Gimme a high five!!!! They were two of my favourites.

Sticking stuff inside yourself. Stick*ing yourself inside stuff. A candle in your dick or your head in a noose, we knew it was going to be big trouble. - Chuck Palhinuk, Guts.

That big brother in the Navy, he taught us one other good phrase. A Russian phrase. The way we say, "I need that like I need a hole in my head...," Russian people say, "I need that like I need teeth in my asshole...... - CP, from again, Guts

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." - George Bernard Shaw

Dancing is a vertical expression of our horizontal desires - William Blake

The blood jet is poetry, there is no stopping it - Sylvia Palth

Okay, I'm going to need a semi-cohesive matter convertor, two pulse-fluctuating capacitors, ten 4.2 ohm quantum transistors, a phase-tuned parabolic shift inverter, and a scientific calculator that supports multidimensional equations. - I think twas tony, from the comic real life.

Losing virginity in books by men
sounds like some nasty stone age ritual-
bedfuls of blood and screams of pain. It makes
the ****ers feel important, I suppose. - Fiona Pitt Flethley (spelling may not be correct)

<CheapSk8>Windows 98: A 32-bit patch for a 16-bit GUI shell running on top of an 8-bit operating system written for a 4-bit processor by a 2-bit company who cannot stand 1 bit of competition

Since pi has an infinite number of digits, if you converted it to binary it would contain any file ever. This includes ones not created yet, and even things like an .avi of your mum getting a ***shot from Ron Jeremy. Pi as binary also contains an infinite quantity of goatse! - some random website, but it makes the geek in me happy

Eight o'clock Pearl Harbour, Twelve o'clock pearl necklace - Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere

edit: one (long one) more:


RIMMER: You don't think there's anything amiss? I'm sitting here wearing
a red and white checked gingham dress and army boots and you think
that's un-amiss?
CAT: No, of course not. It's just that we thought you had gone nuts! We
were tryin' to humour you.
RIMMER: I was just doing a little test -- a little test to see if you had
gone crazy.
RIMMER: CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! If there is one thing I can't stand it's crazy people.
LISTER: Well we've passed the test, Rimmer. You can let us out.
RIMMER: I can't let you out.
LISTER: Why not?
RIMMER: Because the King of the Potato People won't let me. I begged
him. I got down on my knees and wept. He wants to keep you here.
Keep you here for ten years.
CAT: Could we see him?
RIMMER: See who?
CAT: The King.
RIMMER: Do you have a magic carpet?
LISTER: Yeah, a little three-seater.
RIMMER: So, let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet
to see the King of the Potato People and plead with him for your
freedom, and you're telling me you are completely sane?! I think that
warrants 2 hours of W.O.O.
LISTER: What's W.O.O?
CAT: You had to ask.
RIMMER: With ... out ... oxygen. No oxygen for 2 hours. That will teach
you to be bread baskets.

Later:

RIMMER: They've been naughty boys, haven't they, Mr. Flibble?
FLIBBLE: Yes.
RIMMER: What happens to naughty boys who've been naughty, Mr. Flibble?
FLIBBLE: Uncle Arnie fries them alive with his Hex Vision.
RIMMER: That's right, Mr. Flibble.

from Red Dwarf, season five, episode: Quarantine. No show has ever surpassed that episode for comic genius. *weeps from hysteria*

spoofilyj

I want your cloths your boots and your motor cycle! – Terminator 2

I know you can read my thoughts boy…
Yum yum yum yum- yum yum yum yum – yum yum yum –yum –yum yum yum yum
Homer

Some day I’ll tell you what the whales blow hole is for and when I do you’ll know why I can never go back to sea world. Peter Griffin

Women : Mr Churchill you are drunk!
Churchill: My Lady I may be drunk but you are ugly and at least in the morning I will be sober.

Its time too kick ass and chew bubble gum but I’m all out of gum! – Duke Nukem (I think)

I want to fondle your buttox

And

My Nipples explode with delight! (Monty Pythons – And Now For Something Completely Different)