2005: the year ahead

Thought this was very good, from: http://www.dissidentvoice.org/Dec2004/Blum1220.htm

JANUARY 5: Bush announces that Iran, Syria, North Korea, Sudan and Cuba all possess weapons of mass destruction, are an imminent threat to the United States, have close ties to al Qaeda and the Taliban, are aiding insurgents in Iraq, were involved in 9-11, played a role in the assassination of John F. Kennedy and the attack on Pearl Harbor, and are all “really bad guys.”

JANUARY 21: 150 people at a PTA meeting in Des Moines, Iowa arrested in marijuana raid.

FEBRUARY 15: Michael Moore assassinated by man named Oswald Harvey.

FEBRUARY 18: Oswald Harvey, while in solitary confinement and guarded round the clock by 1200 policemen, killed by man named Ruby Jackson.

FEBRUARY 26: Ruby Jackson suddenly dies of a rare Asian disease heretofore unknown in the Western Hemisphere

MARCH 6: Congress passes a law requiring that all persons arrested in anti-war demonstrations must be sterilized. President Bush says it is “God's will.” John Kerry votes for the law but declares that he has misgivings because there's no provision for a right of appeal.

MARCH 20: 11 nuns in Glad Valley, South Dakota arrested in marijuana raid.

APRIL 1: Military junta overthrows Hugo Chavez in Venezuela. Washington decries the loss of democracy.

APRIL 2: US recognizes the Venezuelan military junta, sells it 100 jet fighters.

APRIL 3: Revolution breaks out in Venezuela endangering the military junta; 40,000 American marines land in Caracas to quell the uprising.

APRIL 14: ExxonMobil, ChevronTexaco, General Electric, General Motors, Ford and IBM merge to form “Free Enterprise, Inc.”

APRIL 16: Free Enterprise, Inc. seeks to purchase Guatemala and Haiti. Citigroup refuses to sell.

APRIL 18: Free Enterprise, Inc. purchases Citigroup.

APRIL 30: Dick Cheney announces that the United States has discovered large caches of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. “So all those doubters can just go ‘F’ themselves,” he declares, displaying his much-lauded new moderation in language. But the vice-president can not provide any details of the find because, he says, to do so might reveal intelligence sources or methods.

MAY 9: The Democratic Party changes its name to the Republican Lite Party, and announces the opening of a joint bank account with the Republican Party so that corporate lobbyists need make out only one check.

MAY 11: China claims to have shot down an American spy plane over the center of China. State Department categorically denies the story.

MAY 12: State Department admits that an American plane may have “inadvertently” strayed 2,000 miles into China, but denies that it was a spy plane.

MAY 13: State Department admits that the plane may have been a spy plane but denies that it was piloted by a US government employee.

MAY 14: State Department admits that the pilot was a civilian employee of a Defense Department contractor but denies that China exists.

MAY 27: 16-year-old boy sentenced to life imprisonment in Mississippi for smoking marijuana.

JUNE 5: President Bush delivers the John Ashcroft Distinguished Emeritus Address on Separation of Church and State at Bob Jones University, Greenville, SC.

JUNE 11: Homeland Security announces plan to take the DNA at birth of every child born in the United States.

JULY 1: The air in Los Angeles reaches so bad a pollution level that the rich begin to hire undocumented workers to breathe for them.

JULY 4: 12-year-old girl put to death in Utah for smoking marijuana.

AUGUST 7: Deserters from US military service seeking political asylum in Canada now number 15,000. Declaring “You're either with us or you're against us,” President Bush issues a thinly-veiled warning to the Canadian government.

SEPTEMBER 1: The draft is reinstated for males and females, ages 16 to 45. Those who are missing a limb or are blind can apply for non-combat roles.

SEPTEMBER 4: Riots breaks out in 24 American cities in protest of the draft. 100,000 American troops who are brought home from Iraq to put down the riots ... join them.

OCTOBER 6: The Bush twins arrested in a marijuana raid on a DC disco.

OCTOBER 8: The Supreme Court declares all marijuana laws unconstitutional, retroactively.

OCTOBER 19: Cops the world over form a new association, Policemen's International Governing Society. PIGS announces that its first goal will be to mount a campaign against the notion that a person is innocent until proven guilty, in those countries where the notion still dwells.

NOVEMBER 10: Military junta overthrows President Luiz Inácio Lula in Brazil. Washington decries the loss of democracy.

NOVEMBER 11: US recognizes the Brazilian military junta, sells it 200 tanks.

NOVEMBER 12: Revolution breaks out in Brazil endangering the military junta; 50,000 American marines land in Rio to quell the uprising.

DECEMBER 1: Supreme Court rules that police may search anyone if they have reasonable grounds for believing that the person has pockets.

DECEMBER 25: US prison population reaches 2.5 million; it is determined that at least 70 percent of the prisoners would not have been incarcerated a century ago, for the acts they committed were then not criminal violations.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

rofl

****ing brilliant

But seriously,anyone out there like to put their neck on the line with a prediction of the political landscape in 2005?

I can't say exactly why but I think Israel will make a strike on Iran early in the year. More likely whilst the Jackson trial will be in full swing. In fact I expect some mad mad things to be going on during that trial!

popinfresh

Women's fashion will officially have gone to hell by mid-2005 . The Iraq situation will continue to deteriorate. The militants will begin to grow more organised, the US casualty list will steeply rise. The US response will be to adopt
Nazi-style fear tactics. Other governments like China and Russia will begin to distrust the US as it becomes more obvious what the US's real reasons were for war. And also that they're not the heavenly peace-bringers they make themself out to be. And whaddaye know, the tensions will be set that'll trigger WW3. Which will be started some time between 2008 & 2015. (Granted I'm probably being over-pesimistic :rolleyes: )

Gurgle

popinfresh wrote:

And whaddaye know, the tensions will be set that'll trigger WW3. Which will be started some time between 2008 & 2015. (Granted I'm probably being over-pesimistic :rolleyes: )

john titor's US civil war is due to start in 2005

AngelofFire

In light of Bertie Ahern coming out as a socialist, Michael Mcdowell will also make attempts to revamp his image, by declaring himself as an anarcho syndicalist bent on overthrowing the free market.

BolBill

I reckon the US are gonna abandon Iraq as they've gotten what they wanted(Saddam). The country will decend back to the way it was except with a different leader, one that can easily be manipulated by the US until he rises against them too. Osama has been rather quiet recently so God knows what he'll come up with.
Basically the world is still an unsafe place to be because the "genius" American public voted that gob****e in again.
Did anyone see his latest interview ?
"I'm delighted that Tony Blair and Bertie Ahern (A pronounced A by the way) are working together on the problem of Northern Ireland, I'll help in any way I can, now I gotta go eat a burger"

AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH Am I alone in thinking hes annoying

Sand

The US response will be to adopt
Nazi-style fear tactics. Other governments like China and Russia will begin to distrust the US as it becomes more obvious what the US's real reasons were for war.

Yeah, because Russia and China and the US are such good mates they trust each other implicitly anyway.
They have to introduce licences to operate keyboards, they absolutely have to.

I can't say exactly why but I think Israel will make a strike on Iran early in the year.

I wouldnt put a date on it, but its certainly likely that Israel will nip any potential Iranian nuclear weapons program in the bud with airstrikes before it can threaten them. Cant blame them to be honest, you can't bet against the Iranian holy rollers deciding on a final solution.

I reckon 2005 might be dominated by efforts to get the EU constitution accepted, which it probably wont be as the French have coped onto the fact that their version of Europe as Greater Francia doesnt quite match the vision of their collaborators.

As far as Ireland goes...The north will still drone on with numberous "historic" summits and arguing over what colour of paint they should use on the Stormont toliet doors. Hopefully Ahern, ashamed of his pathetic humilation of himself, his party, his country and liberal democratic principles in general, will swing into action with a plan to dig a mile wide, 200 meter deep canal all along the border with Northern Ireland and instruct the Army to shoot anyone crossing it. Oh, and shoot anyone in the Republic referring to the Republic as the "26 counties" or "free state" as traitors. Irish Question solved once and for all.

The gaelic leaguers will probably demand the government force all Irish and EU websites to have web-addresses "as gaelige" as well as english addresses to protect their supposed rights and provide employment for themselves. Theyll no doubt succeed.

keu

But seriously,anyone out there like to put their neck on the line with a prediction of the political landscape in 2005?

Nov 04. The world stops really caring about pretty much everything that concerns the US.
Jan 05. Bush inauguration. No one really cares
Jan 05. Iraq elections. No one really cares/
march 05. Ireland. apathy overcomes the nation and peace prevails.
rest of the year. No one really cares.
/dont really care.

Sparks

Sand wrote:

Hopefully Ahern, ashamed of his pathetic humilation of himself, his party, his country and liberal democratic principles in general, will swing into action with a plan to dig a mile wide, 200 meter deep canal all along the border with Northern Ireland and instruct the Army to shoot anyone crossing it.

That should sort out the Tyrone GAA team...

The gaelic leaguers will probably demand the government force all Irish and EU websites to have web-addresses "as gaelige" as well as english addresses to protect their supposed rights and provide employment for themselves. Theyll no doubt succeed.

And then the civil war over whether the Kerry, Donegal, Connemara or "Leinster" Gaeltacht dialect is the "correct" one will begin...

Gurgle

keu wrote:

Nov 04. The world stops really caring about pretty much everything that concerns the US.
Jan 05. Bush inauguration. No one really cares
Jan 05. Iraq elections. No one really cares/
march 05. Ireland. apathy overcomes the nation and peace prevails.
rest of the year. No one really cares.
/dont really care.

lol

And the news today - fùck all happened and nobody really cares anyway.

BolBill

Sand wrote:

Hopefully Ahern, ashamed of his pathetic humilation of himself, his party, his country and liberal democratic principles in general, will swing into action .

Thank you !!!!! About bloody time someone gave out about the muppet that runs the country but reading speeches that somebody else has written !!!!!

marco murphy

Iraq will be a somalia job again,yanks will have to pull out

Sand

And then the civil war over whether the Kerry, Donegal, Connemara or "Leinster" Gaeltacht dialect is the "correct" one will begin...

Again this issue would be resolved with access to the sea and enough spades to dig with. And soldiers.

Iraq will be a somalia job again,yanks will have to pull out

Nah, Bush isnt a cheese eating surrender monkey like the IRA army council. you can call him a lot of things, but hes not a quitter. Except from the Kyoto treaty but they never technically joined it anyway.

marco murphy

I agree

Nice try BTW

Victor

Sand wrote:

The gaelic leaguers will probably demand the government force all Irish and EU websites to have web-addresses "as gaelige" as well as english addresses to protect their supposed rights and provide employment for themselves. Theyll no doubt succeed.

They then issue demands, in the interest of balance and equality, that anyone referring to the "Saor Stát" also be shot.