Comprehending Engineers

Civilian_Target

Got this one in the mail the other day - hope you's haven't all seen it before...

Comprehending Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike
to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The other engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Three

A vicar, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for
15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The vicar said, "Hey, here comes the groundsman. Let's have a word with
him."

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?"

The groundsman replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firemen. They lost
their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The vicar said, "That's so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Four

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
work but to no avail.

In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many
of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and stated, "This where your problem
is."

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
received a bill for £50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded
an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark £1 Knowing where to put it
£49,999.

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Six

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight

Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both.

"Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
get some work done.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

JohnK

Some good ones there

ykt0di9url7bc3

hahaha

KeithMur

Great set of jokes.

Mutz

Good Stuff!

Pugsley

3, 9, and 10 are class

evillive

or.....

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" asked the architect and artist in unison.

The engineer replied, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume that you are spending time with the other woman, so you can go to the office and get some work done."

***

elivsvonchiaing

evillive wrote:

or.....

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" asked the architect and artist in unison.

The engineer replied, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume that you are spending time with the other woman, so you can go to the office and get some work done."

***

Hmm I'm fairly sure I've heard this before... somehwhere ... kudos to original poster!

jack shictt

yeah thats good all to true tho. lol

theres a mech engineer a elctrical enginneer and a comp engineer drving thru the desert and the car breaks down.

the mech engineer turns round and says i think its the drive shaft thats broken and thats why the car wont move.
the elec engineer turns round and says i think its the spark plug and thats why the car wont start.
the comp enginerr turns round and says how bout we all get out get back in then restart it.


bad i know but its all i could add.

Gothic Warrior

Class (original post).

machiavellianme

jack shictt wrote:

yeah thats good all to true tho. lol

theres a mech engineer a elctrical enginneer and a comp engineer drving thru the desert and the car breaks down.

the mech engineer turns round and says i think its the drive shaft thats broken and thats why the car wont move.
the elec engineer turns round and says i think its the spark plug and thats why the car wont start.
the comp enginerr turns round and says how bout we all get out get back in then restart it.


bad i know but its all i could add.

should it not be "the comp engineer turns round and says how about closing all 'windows' and then restarting it" ?????????

atlantis

Brilliant... absolultely brilliant.

jack shictt

machiavellianme wrote:

should it not be "the comp engineer turns round and says how about closing all 'windows' and then restarting it" ?????????

Same diffrence, its like the tomato or tomato question.