Funniest lyrics in a rock song?

eoin5

johnscone wrote:

i know a mouse he hasn't got a house , i don't don't know why i call him gerald

Heh heh, and on same album:

And then one day...
Hooray!
Another way for gnomes to say
"Ooh my..."

Tho my personal fav is ramblings3 from pearl jam:

**** me in my brain
**** me in my brain
you ****in' little ****
you're drivin' me insane
**** me in the brain
**** me in the brain
you're drivin' me, drivin' me, insane
**** me in my life, hah
you wanted to be my wife
**** me in my brain...****
**** me in the brain
i'm ready for you
i don't believe nothin' even if it's true, no
**** me, **** me in my brain
**** me, my ears are open in my brain
**** me
you think i care 'bout those emotions you wear
you think i care 'bout the way you wear your veil
you think our love huh
is so far above
**** me
**** me
**** me
**** me
**** ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ph3n0m

No one can beat Lawnmower Deth (found loads of legal free mp3s of theres)

Cobwoman Of Deth Meets Mr. Smellymop
Lyrics
Cobwoman of substance
Bring me a cheese scone,
Filled with yummy entrails,
Let me dvour your ice cream buns.
Peroy Thrower hamburgers dear,
Pork pies filled with Roy Kinnear,
Annie Lenox little baby,
Covered with orions with lots of gravy.
Mega-fast with clinically insane inane remblings
[Ad lib],
Cobwoman of Deth meets
Mr. Smellymop
With this cheese cob I'll save the nation,
Save my tummy from starvation.
Do you wanna thrash?
Cobwoman of Deth meets
Mr. Smellymop

eljono

System Of A Down - Bounce
The lyrics aren't funny on their own, but the way in which the song is played and sung.

I went out on a date
with a girl, a bit late
she had so many friends
gliding through many hands
I brought my pogo stick
just to show her a trick
she had so many friends

BolBill

eljono wrote:

System Of A Down - Bounce
The lyrics aren't funny on their own, but the way in which the song is played and sung.

I went out on a date
with a girl, a bit late
she had so many friends
gliding through many hands
I brought my pogo stick
just to show her a trick
she had so many friends

I freckin' love that song

Ren0

Spinal Tap - Big Bottoms

"The bigger the waist band the deeper the quicksand..."


Spinal Tap - Tonight I'm gonna rock you

"You're too young and i'm too well hung..."


DVDA - Now You're A Man

"What makes a man, is it the woman in his arms?
just cause she has big titties?
or is it the way, he fights every day?
No, it's probably the titties."

Blisterman

Anything by Weird Al.

Rozabeez

Blisterman wrote:

Anything by Weird Al.

yeah...it's as if...he's got marbles in his mouth! y'know? or something amazing like that....wow.

Blisterman

Oh and Frank Zappa- Bobby Brown and Valley Girl
Both hillarious.

Ren0

I agree with Bobby Brown by Frank Zappa


" i can take about an hour on the tower of power,
so long as i gets a little golden shower."

40crush41

Tenacious D, press play and laugh til that cd is done.
"high above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds,
there sits wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly."
mucky-muck? haha, just cracks me up

and of course anything weird al touches, classic stuff there: "as a walk through the valley where i harvest by grain, i took a look at my wife and realize shes very plain. but thats just perfect for an amish like me, for we shun fancy things like electricty" ah, great song that is

and thats all that comes to mind right now ~Beth

Magnolia_Fan

Yeah Bobby Brown by Zappa kicks @ss, DVDA- Now Your'e a man....and Bloodhound Gang..

"Women are like dog doo the older that they are the easier they get to pick up, I feel the generation gap, cleaning cobwebs from her rafters but old hens would rather put out then be put out to the pasture"

another Bloodhound Gang- Kiss Me where it smells funny:
There must be something wrong with Al Pacino's nose cus the scent of a womans like rotten tomatoes

Bloodhound Gang-
I'm hung like planet pluto hard to see with the naked eye but if I crashed into your anus I would stick it where the sun don't shine...I'm kinda like Han Solo always strokin my oul wookie I'm the root of all thats evil yeah but you can call me cookie

Bloodhound Gang-
If I were god thou shalt make fun of hindus and shalt not make a speed 2

Bloodhound Gang-
ewwww...ouch! it won't reach my mouth if I could do it myself I'd probably never leave my house..but I can't so here's where you come in giving it different strokes just Arnold Dummin...mmmmm..mmmm good like Campbells and you'll handle the sack like the quarterback Randell Cunningham...

Thats enough....Bloodhound gang brillant!

qz

basquille wrote:

That's "Anthem - Part 2", by the way!

No, no it isn't.

6. Dysentery Gary - (2:45)
Got a lotta heart ache
he's a fúcking weasel
his issues make my mind ache
want to make a deal
cause I love your little motions
you do with your pigtails
what a nice creation
worth another night in jail

He's a player, diarrhea giver
tried to grow his hair out
when friends were listening to slayer
I would like to find him Friday night
hanging out with mom and trying on his fathers tights
life just sucks, I lost the one, I'm giving up she found someone
there's plenty more, girls are such a drag

So all you little ladies
be sure to choose the right guys
you'll come back to me maybe
I'll shower you with lies
got a lotta heart ache
he's a fúcking weasel
decisions make my mind ache
want to make a deal

Ease away the problems and the pain
the girl chose the one guy who makes you want to kick and scream
all along, you wish that she would stay
fúck the guy who took and ran away

He's a player, diarrhea giver
tried to grow his hair out
when friends were listening to slayer
I would like to find him Friday night
hanging out with mom and trying on his fathers tights
life just sucks, I lost the one, I'm giving up she found someone
there's plenty more, girls are such a drag

Fúck this place, I lost the war
I hate you all, your mom's a whore
where's my dog?
'cause girls are such a drag

*adele*

anything by tenacious D

Paligulus

AC/DC - Livewire
(just before the solo)
"Stick that in that in you're fusebox!!"

not that funny but what a kickass intro to a solo!!!

The Fitz

anything by anal **** as well, weird though!!

irokie

What about Whole lotta Rosie by AC/DC?

Also, Hayseed Dixie - Keeping your Poop

toffo

Anthrax NFB (Dallabnikufesin)


You left me standing in the mud
Crying to myself
A heart so full of pain
But we fell in love again
This time forever
True love prevails over all
She got hit by a truck

Startin' up a Posse is quite funny can't remeber the lyrics though

mayordenis

"You broke the rules
And now i'll pull out all your public hair
Mother****a"

Tenacious D - Karate

mayordenis

My Girlfriends dead by the vandals

I once had a girlfriend,
But then one day she dumped me and everywhere
I'd go people would ask me where she was.

I don't want to talk about her.
Someone always asks about her.
So I tell them all my girlfriend's dead.

I say it's leukemia or sometimes bulimia
Or a great big truck ran her over
And chopped off her head.

I don't want to talk about her.
Someone always asks about her.
So I tell them all she's dead.

I guess there's a part of me that likes the sympathy
Or the looks on their faces when I tell them how
She passed away.

I don't want to talk about her.
But someone always asks about her.
So I tell them all she's dead.

My girlfriend's dead you see,
It's a total lie - but it's easier on me
Than having to admit she like's someone else.

My girlfriend's dead you know,
Please change the subject or I am going to go
Jump off a building and join her in hell.

I once had a girlfriend,
But then one day she dumped me and everywhere
I'd go people would ask me where she was.

I don't want to talk about her.
But someone always asks about her.
So I tell them all my girlfriend's dead.

I don't want to talk about her.
But someone always asks about her.
So I tell them all my girlfriend's dead

Time Magazine

Cows With Guns - Dana Lyons

Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun


They eat to grow, grow to die
Die to be et at the hamburger fry
Cows well done

Nobody thunk it, nobody knew
No one imagined the great cow guru
Cows are one

He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal
Cow Tse Tongue

He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd
Cow doldrums

He mooed we must fight, escape or we'll die
Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high
Bad cow pun

But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate
Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate
Cows are bummed

He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi
Cows with guns

They came with a needle to stick in his thigh
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye
Cow well hung

Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor
Run cows run!

He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
We are free roving bovines, we run free today

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

They crashed the gate in a great stampede
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed
Cows have fun

Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
Much cow dung

Black smoke rising, darkening the day
Twelve burning McDonalds, have it your way

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

The President said "enough is enough

These uppity cattle, its time to get tough"
Cow dung flung

The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief
Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef
Cows on buns

The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed
They mooed their last moos,
they chewed their last hay
Cows out gunned

The order was given to turn cows to whoppers
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers

Came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

---

The Arrogant Worms - The Toronto Song

I hate the skydome and the CN tower too,
I hate Nathan Phillip's square and the Ontario Zoo,
The rent's too high, the air's unclean,
The beaches are dirty and the people are mean,
And the women are big and the men are dumb,
And the children are loopy cuz they live in a slum!
The water is polluted and their mayor's a dork,
They dress real bad and they think they're New York,
In Toronto, Ontario-o-o
-Ya know actually I, I think I pretty much hate all of Ontario-
(Oh yeah, me too!)
I hate Thunder Bay and Ottawa, Kitchener, Windsor and Oshawa
London sucks and the Great Lakes suck and Sarnia sucks and Turkey point sucks,
I took a trip to Ontario to visit Brian Mulruney,
He beat me up and he stole my pants and he put me in a tree,
I went to see the Maple-Leafs and got hit in the head with a puck,
(Ah, I-I don't evenknow how they did it really, I mean I was playing the organ at the time!)
ONTARIO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O SUCKs,
Yep, actually now that I think about it,
I think I pretty much hate every gosh darn province and territory in our country,
Oh yeah-except Alberta! Oh yeah, I love Alberta, Yeah it's really nice, lots of cows, and trees, and rocks and dirt!
(moo moo moo)

But,
I hate Newfoundland cuz they talk so wierd, and Prince Edward Island is-Too Small,
Nova Scotia's dumb cuz it's the name of a bank, New Bruinswick doesn't have a good mall!
Quebec is revolting and it makes me mad, Ontario Sucks, Ontario Sucks!
(Manitoba's population density is 1.9 people per square kilometre,
Isn't that stupid!)
Saskatchewan is boring and the people are old,
And as for the territories,( they're too cold!)
And the only really good thing about the province of British Columbia is that
it's right next to us,
Cuz Alberta, doesn't suck, but Calgary doesssssss!

---

I'm an A$shole - Dennis Leary

Folks, I�d like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me, about you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom ofour chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Maybe below the cockles,
Maybe in the sub cockle area,
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys,
Maybe even in the colon, we don�t know

I�m just a regular Joe, with a regular job
I�m your average white, suburbanite slop
I like football and porno and books about war
I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar

But sometimes that just ain�t enough to keep a man like meinterested
(oh no, no way, uh uh)
No I gotta go out and have fun at someone else�s expense
(woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
While people behind me are going insane

I�m an asshole (he�s an asshole)
I�m an asshole (he�s an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time saying �how about this heat�

I�m an asshole (he�s an asshole)
I�m an asshole (he�s the world�s biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in the handicap spaces
While handicapped people make handicap faces

I�m an asshole (he�s an asshole)
I�m an asshole (he�s a real ****ing asshole)

Maybe I shouldn�t be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they�re right when they tell me I�m wrong
Nah

I�m an asshole (he�s an asshole)
I�m an asshole (he�s the world�s biggest asshole)

You know what I�m gonna do
I�m gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
And all leather cow interior
And make brown baby seal lions for head lights (yeah)
And I�m gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald�s
In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
And when I�m done sucking down those greeseball burgers
I�m gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I�m gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out theside
And there ain�t a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why, because we�ve got the bombs, that�s why
2 words, nuclear ****in� weapons, OK?
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy theywant
They can have a big democracy cakewalk
Right through the middle of Tinian Square and it won�t make alick of difference
Because we�ve got the bombs, OK?
John Wayne's not dead, he�s frozen, and as soon as we find a curefor cancer
We�re gonna thaw out the duke and he�s gonna be pretty pissedoff
You know why,
Have you ever taken a cold shower, well multiply that by 15million times
That�s how pissed off the duke�s gonna be!
I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Castive Eddies,
and Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckenthorp, and a case of whiskey, anddrive down to Texas...

(Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
I�m an asshole (he�s an asshole)
I�m an asshole (he�s the world�s biggest asshole)

A-S-S-H-O-L-E
Everybody
A-S-S-H-O-L-E

I�m an asshole and I�m proud of it