Ultimate thread of quotes!

DBK

"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me superman" - Homer

Stalfos

Moe:
Man, you go life trying being nice to people, resisting the urge to punch them in the face and for what, to be treated like dirt.
well i'm better than dirt.
well most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store brought dirt,
that stuff is loaded with nutrients.
i cant compete with that stuff.

corblimey

Family Guy:

Peter: (re: new next door neighbour) Holy crip, he's a crapple!
---
Peter: No, no, it's true. I read it in a book.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book, Peter? Are you sure it wasn't just... NOTHING?
---
Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO".
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
---
Interviewer: Mr. Griffin, where do you see yourself in five years?
Peter: (thinking to himself) Don't say doing your wife, don't say doing your wife..(Says out loud) "Doing your...son

JBoyle4eva

I know it;s not a quote, but here's the scene:

Peter: (paying @ till) Oh, yeah; this guy dressed a sa chicken gave me a coupon
Shop assistant: I'm sorry sir, it's expired
Peter: You son of a....

I just think the whole 2 mins after that is hilarious, EVERY TIME!

Crucifix

Brian: Only two hours to go, Peter. If you're going to pull a party out of your ass you might wanna stand up.

irishboy99_

Solitaryman666 wrote:

Family Guy:

Simpson:
Homer: Dental Plan......Lisa Needs Braces....Dental Plan.....Lisa needs Braces

QUOTE]

Just the tone of it is perfect

Stalfos

Police chief Wiggum: Fat tony, your under arrest for murder.
Fat Tony: Whats a murder?
Police Chief wiggum: Dont play dumb with me

gaui3d0pnbz86o

all from lineol hutz!

hutz: Wow - these books behind me don't just look good - they're filled with useful legal tidbits!

hutz:I've faced all judges in this state - often as a lawyer.

hutz:Don't worry, Homer. I have a foolproof strategy to get you out of here. Surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. The judge won't know what hit him.

Hutz: Your honor, I call for a, uh, bad court thingy.
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Hutz: Right. That's why you're the judge and I'm the, uh, law talking guy.

Judge: Mr. Hutz we've been in here for four hours. Do you have any evidence at all?
Hutz: Well, Your Honor. We've plenty of hearsay and conjecture. Those are kinds of evidence.

Hutz: Thank you, Dr. Hibbert.... I rest my case.
Judge: You rest your case?!
Hutz: What? Oh no, I thought that was just a figure of speech. Case closed.

Hutz: (unusually confident) ... and that, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is my case. Judge:
Mr. Hutz, are you aware you're not wearing any pants?

Hutz: uh-oh! We've drawn Judge Schnider!
Marge: Is that bad?
Hutz: Well, he's kinda had it in for me since I kind of ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Hutz: Well, replace the word kind of with repeatedly, and the word dog with son.

Marge: So, do you think I have a case?
Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harrassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice. Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
Marge: It's 9:30 in the morning
Hutz: Yeah, but I haven't slept in days.

Stalfos

Homer: People die all the time. Why you could wake up dead tomorrow!

tvnutz

Peter Griffin: You better be careful who you are calling a child Lois,because if I am a child,do you know what that makes you? A Paedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert!

Ruu_Old

love the lionel hutz one, flameboy, just watched that episode a few days ago
Heres another from Hutz

"Hutz is the name, Mr. Simpson. Lionel Hutz, attorney at law.
Here's my card. It turns into a sponge when you put it in water."

Stalfos

Kif Kroker: I heard the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies

Kif Kroker: If i said i loved you, would you take of your pants and dance around a little?

danniemcq

Dennis Miller on TV:
"I don't want to go on a rant here, but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowulf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first battle of Atietum. I mean, when a neo-conservative defenestrates it's like Roskolnikov filibuster deoxymonohydroxinate."

Peter: "What does rant mean?"


(it's also where i get my sig from incase you were wonderin)

funk-you

Homer: there there boy, crying wont bring your dog back-unless your tears smell like dog food. so you can sit here and eat can after can of dogfood until your tears smell so much like dogfood that your dog comes home or you can go do something about it.
Damn it, i almost had him eating dogfood!

Glipmac

Bar-weep-gra-na-weep-nini-bom!

Transformers the movie! (best film ever!)

Red Dwarf V (Inquisitor)

The INQUISITOR has now taken
on CAT's face and voice.

CAT: Hi, buddy!
INQUISITOR: This is your judgment day, bud. I gotta be cruel! There can be no favors.
CAT: I'm hearing you on FM!
INQUISITOR: I have to ask you the question: justify your existence -- what contribution have you made?
CAT: I have given pleasure to the world because I have such a beautiful ass!
INQUISITOR: Well, that's true.
CAT: Can I go now?
INQUISITOR: That's your case?!
CAT: You need more?
INQUISITOR: Some might say that's a pretty shallow argument.
CAT: Some might say I'm a pretty shallow guy. But a shallow guy with a
great ass!
INQUISITOR: Sometimes you astonish even me!
CAT: Thank you!

Or better Yet

Voice of lister

INQUISITOR: Well! Get out of this one, smeghead!
LISTER: What're you talkin' about?
INQUISITOR: You know what you coulda made of your life, if you tried. What you coulda become.
LISTER: So?
INQUISITOR: You've got brains, man! Brains you've never used!
LISTER: So?
INQUISITOR: So, justify yourself!
LISTER: Spin on it!

also my signature is a quote from Turtles II

TOPDAWG

two rednecks in a redneck bar homer has found
redneck one: hey wanna fight?
redneck two: them sounds like fighting words!

homer: i saw this film about a bus and its SPEED went over 50 and if its SPEED went under 50 it would explode. i think it was called "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down!"

Trip Hazard

"Ah cletis we can't be kissin' in front of my parents"
"now Brandeen, you know thems my parents too."

OR

The whole of the chumba wumba song in family Guy,
I'll try to resite it
#Chumba wumba chumba dee doo,
life isn't fair it's sad but it's true,
How does it feel to be stuck in a chair,
finding it hard to go up and down stairs,
What do you think of the one you call God,
isn't he absence slight-ly odd,
Maybe he's fogetten you,
Chumba wumba gobble dee gorse,
Count yourself luck-y your not a horse,
They would turn you into dog food,
or a chumba wumba gobble dee Glue,...
Gobbledee glue.#

yes thats it, absolute classic stuff

Ri_Nollaig

The wise words of Zapp Brannigan
Zapp - "Its like a strategic game of chess, you cant let the other player see your pieces!"

( captain on the titanic space craft, not exact words )
Zapp "now heres a course that will put some hair on your chest"
Kif - "...but sir that puts us straight throught a metoer shower"
Zapp - "ah metoers, the icebergs of the sky"

Zapp - "these neutrals make me sick, at least with enemies you know where you stand"

Zapp - "this whole region is uncharted!"
kif - "its not uncharted! you lost the chart!"

Zapp - "As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise... SURPRISE!"


Peter Griffin - "Whats the worse that could happen in England? drive by... arguement?"

Homer - "Facts! you can prove anything thats remotely true with facts!"

Stalfos

Wiggum: Look, there's a baby driving a car and look, there's a dog driving a bus.

Homer: You can prove anything with facts. 14% of people know that.

Ri_Nollaig

not from a cartoon but still brillant
anchorman - "60% of the time it works! everytime!"

cooperguy

Futurama:

Its not a quote but I love the bit where there in hell and there is a room called the "Ironic Punishments Chamber"

fun bus

"thats not a knife..THIS is a KNIFE!"
"Thats a spoon"
"Eh, i see you've played knifey spooney before then"

Fungtank

Peter Grifin: How come i can never hold down a job?
Brian: Because your terrible in the interview
Peter: Thats not true.

<cut to peter in interview looking at bosses pic of family on the desk>

Boss: So Peter, where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Peter: <aside>Don't say doning your wife,don't say doing your wife.
Doing your son.

OR,
Weed homer episode,
<Reaing the perscription>
Homer: Ok, lets see. Toke as needed,Caution objects may appear more edible then they actually are

crang

Lisa: " could you turn that racket down. I am trying to study.."
Homer "Lisa, If we didn't turn it down for the cops, what chance have you got".

JBoyle4eva

Simpsons, they're at Itchy & Scratchy land.

Marge & Homer are @ T.J. McStaggers(or something else like that) celebrating the new year over and over.

Auld lang syne starts playing and a waiter with champagne comes over:

Marge: It must be wonderful to celebrate the new year over and voer and over
Waiter: Please Kill me

Nimrod's Son

Quagmire: I felt guilty once but she woke up halfway through.

Kermitt

From the gratest cartoon character ever created.. no question.

No ,marge you're out of order, the whole damn systems out of order,
you want the truth, you cant handle the truth,
cos when you put your hand into a pile of goo, that used to be your best friends face, you know what to do! Forget it marge, its Chinatown!

Homer : Theres the right way the wrong way and the Max Power way
Bart : Isn't that the wrong way?
Homer: Yes, but faster!

See below

Ri_Nollaig

Homer: "ah! i hear the internet is on computers now"

Stalfos

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?


Carl: Oh no! Homer's going over those falls!
Lenny: Oh good! He snagged that tree branch.
Carl: Oh no! The branch broke off!
Lenny: Oh good! He can grab onto them pointy rocks!
Carl: Oh no! Them pointy rocks broke his arms and legs.
Lenny: Oh good! Those helpful beavers are swimming out to save him!
Carl: Oh no! They're biting him, and stealing his pants!

Dypso

IN THE MAx power episode

"with homer simpson you cuddle but with max power you strap on and feel the chi chi"

Kermitt

to mr Dypso the correct quote is (see sig)

sorry to rant but dont quote homer unless you're goin to do it right

Glipmac

The day the earth stood stupid

Leela - Ow, fire hot!
Professor - The proffesie will help, Woah! Fire Indeed hot!

or

"I'm sitting here naked with a tin foil-hat on, oh oh he" - Billy west as
Prof. Farnsworth (audio commentry "A Pharoh to remember")

Glipmac

Dypso wrote:

IN THE MAx power episode

"with homer simpson you cuddle but with max power you strap on and feel the chi chi"

dude correction its "strap on and feel the Gee's"

Kermitt

does nobody read sigs anymore... it been there for 8 months dammit!


whoo... sorry, got fired up there. look below

bringitdown

After a French pastry chef brusquely shoos Ned Flanders away from a tempting éclair, Ned responds: "A rude Frenchman? Well, I never!"

Beer: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems - H. Simpson
"What are you gonna do? Release the dogs?! Or the bees?! Or dogs with bees in their mouth so that when they bark they shoot bees at you?" - Homer Simpson
What do you say, honey! Feeling stupid? I know I am! - Homer Simpson
Computer, kill Flanders. - Homer Simpson
I am so smart, I am so smart, S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T! - Homer Simpson

qz

Cartman to Butters in South Park:

......."You son of a bitch Butters!"

cooperguy

grandpa simpson from the simpsons look at my signature!

JBoyle4eva

Ftuurama:

Shop Assistant: That'll be 9:95
Fry: Do you accept Visa?
S.A.: Oh, that hasn't exsisted fror over 500 years
Fry: American Express?
SA: 600 Years
Fry: MasterCard?
SA:400 years
Fry: Discover Card?
SA: Oh, I'm sorry, we don't accept Discover!

billstraighten

the bit with special K in family guy

or

Young Peter: why are all the dinosaurs dead
Tour Guide: because you touch yourself at night

corblimey

Some of my faves from Aqua Teen Hunger Force:

Carl: Yeah, well, I noticed this long cord comin' from my house, then I noticed YOUR house, glowin' like the freakin' SUN. So I put two and two together and decided - you're pissin' me off.

Err: Oh man, you gotta check this out.
Meatwad: Oh yeah baby, that's a neat car she's washing. You think that's a straight 6?
Err: I think I have a straight 6.
Inignot: Ooooo. Err, your sexual innuendo is priceless.

Inignot: And remember, there's no such thing as a dumb question.
Happy Time Harry: I have a question.
Inignot: Yes, in the back, the retard with the dumb question.

HomesickAlien

south park

cartman on the special olympics-
"dude, i cant believe they exploit handicapped people like this. i mean, making them compete against each other just for our amusement..."

member of korn on halloween episode-
"...and he used this cup, and this piece of cheese, to make the sound of a pirate... (puts cup and cheese in front of mouth)... arg! i'm a pirate!"

Daelus

Futurama-

Leela: Remember Professor, Bender is Santa, so you don't need to hurt him, right?
Professor: Yes, yes, yes, you sound like a broken MP3.
(Bender falls through the chimney)
Bender: Ho, ho-
(The Professor whips out a shotgun and shoots him)
Leela: Professor! Don't you remember what I told you?
Professor: NO!!

"Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain. But when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooohh! Suddenly you've gone too far!" -Professor Farnsworth

"Its just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?" - Fry

MadPatrick

"No more get rich quick schemes for me, I know I'm going to get rich with this scheme, and quick" - Homer Simpson.

"Do you guys wanna get high??" - Towelly, South Park.

"She is a pesistant little runt isn't she. What?? I said runt" - Brian, Family Guy.

"Quiet a situation we got there Tom" "Quiet a situation we got there Tom indeed Diane" - Tom Tucker, Family Guy.

"Well, if it isn't Mr. McGreg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg" - Dr. Nick Riviera, The Simpsons

RVN10

family guy

Security Guard: Alright son, we're gonna need those two hams back.
Chris: Huh? I don't have any hams.
Guard: Lift up your shirt, son.
Chris: I need an adult! I need an adult!
Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty fat fatty. Hey Tom he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, fatty? You're just a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso.
Chris: Thanks.

Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!

Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.

quality no doubt

Manga-paddy

South Park:
Kyle: Cartman, are you ok?
Cartman: Y'no that feeling after you just take a huge dump? Awesome

SoupyNorman

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS>

spongebob:"patrick, you dont need a license to drive a sandwich"

---

SIMPSONS>


APU> Who Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here's the tricky part
Oh won't you rhyme with meeee.....
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Marge> Their floors are sticky-mart!
Lisa> They made Dad sicky-mart!
Bart> Let's hurl a bricky-mart!
THE MAN>The Kwik-E-Mart is real... Doh!


>>>>>>>>HOMER "ooohhhh he lied to us through song, I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT"

Homer>"mmmmmmmm free goo"

Homer>"Bart, i dont want alarm you but we may have an ordeal with a boggieman or boogie men in the house"

RobertFoster

"We must go forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom." - Clin-ton

CCOVICH

Homer (to Lisa): "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand"

Homer: "mmmm....forbidden doughnut"

Homer: "mmmm....something"

Cartman (to his mom): "Get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie"

scuba steve

"Youre breaking my balls hans, youre breaking my balls!" South Park and Team America

Daelus

"You call this entertainment? Why would I pay 8 bucks to see a guy get tortured for 2 hours?" Stan (I think) on Passion Of The Christ.
-South Park