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Help! Drop out dilemma
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posted by Exar Khun
<*eats his popcorn*
only on the internet....................>
seriously tho this is an interesting tread.
im in 1st arts myself, and can understand where Zane is coming from.
on the subject of D4, they are just normal people, anyone in there position would behave in the same way. they are set up when they come here and have no need to befriend random people who come to UCD, you cannot expect them be be mates with these randomers when they are around people who they have great relationships with from girlfriends to mates of 6 or more years. they will be very friendly in a suitable situation, ive talked to lots of them. i have also been on the recieving end of the snobby **** from d4 types, but you get that every where there is a group of people, its the way human heirarchies and societies work, you just have to get used it. i know it is worse in the college environment but there is no point in letting it get you down and blaming your troubles.
not sure if i can say this [not used these rules, treats of bannings etc] but i really dont appreciate the attidude adopted by Sangre, if he/she is going to defend D4 then he/she shouldnt re-affirm the arrogant and dismissive styereotype that D4 is accused of having.
Zane i think you should stick with it, focus on your course and educating yourself and getting fit, if you play sports, continue and dedicate yourself to it if not, then take one up and go to it every week, id suggest martial arts esp. Brazilian JuJitsu, they are friendly and into what they do [i did it at the start of the year and it was good]. if you do sport regularly it will help your mental state and you will get to know people through it.
chat to people about random things in lectures but nothing to personal or intrusive and then say hello when ever you see them, no worries or anything too big, dont expect too much. i used to expect to make great friends by talking about real things and being nice, but it doesnt happen , when you have that type of attitude then people pick up on it, unconsious bodylanguage,its very subtle. "real" relationships only develop with time and contact.
i thyink you need to learn how to be self sufficient and internally stable, social contact with family, old friends, people you do a sport with and aquaintances from arts should be enough to keep you relatively stable, that is the basis if you creat it, that you can build a decent life upon and base proper friendships and relationships upon.
you seem to be a nice guy with decent skills learned in the past, they will come out again if you get the chance. dont worry about things once you go out and get involved or grab life by the balls then you will be fine. self pity truly does get you nowwhere, i know about that ****, its is f***in hard to get out of them downward cycles. you just have to stand up and do it.
things always change this only a difficult phase that you can grow out of if you know how or if you are lucky, there is no garentee that if you run away and quit that things will be better, coping skills is something that we all need to develop, the likes of Serphina, MrNice guy and piles of people i know and myself have to deal with pretty similar situations, so you are not alone and if you can learn to deal with this you will emerge a stronger and more broad person.
ill shut up now so
good luck man0 -
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BRING BACK REP THINGYS!!!
aw man transperson, i just wanted to give u a hug after that!
Casual approach generally good approach, thats kinda what i've found by just talking to ppl in lectures and then ending up going for coffee..or to the library..however that ensued in a fight over a book, of which there was only one left and the s.a. was due like 3 days after...that wasnt good...so lesson to be learnt is don't go to the library with a new friend..as they may soon be a new enemy... :rolleyes: (jk)
seriously we need the rep thingys back... otherwise im gonna av to hunt ppl down to give out hugs
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Yeah that was a really cool post by Transperson. Unlike so many others out here the likes of Transperson has soul.
Frustration is the exact word to describe how I am at the moment. Third level has been absolutely nothing like I thought it would be and in a weird way I do long for the Secondary School days again. I still believe no matter what some of you may say that there is alot of arrogant people out in this college. Unfortunately in my course Arts alot of people are not getting to know others not because some of you say they have lots of buddies or are a bit nervous, alot just are not bothered in building anything with anyone or even communicate with others which is such a shame. I just wish I could prescribe some people with personality injections which would make people interact with others. Seriously though there is a terrible atmosphere in my course and I don't like it full stop.
I do feel quite down at the moment. I am questioning myself alot but deep down I do have alot of belief in myself as a human being and I do know that there has been so many multiple factors that have made my college experience quite a damp squib. The size of the John Henry Newman (or whatever his name is ) building is horrible for the lonely individual which chars my heart when I walk through it when I see so many what seems like millions of randomers. I feel that I have been very unlucky with the people I've come across as anyone who I have got on well with in this place always has a big group of friends with them already and since I've not come in here with a large group its been near to impossible to build anything with anyone. At the end of day I know its not me with the problem but the horrible factors that have gone against me out here.
Another factor that has left me disillusioned with my UCD experience is that everyone who I know who has started college is having a rocking time and are curently experiencing the best years of their lives, I'm the only who is not. These people go to all sorts of different colleges big and small. For example when I'm in a conversation about college they will be telling me about their endless boozing, trips, parties and getting stoned and when it comes to me all I can say is ''well I went to a few lectures this week and they f**king rawwwked man!''. I fell like a total loser in these situations as I crave more than anyone for a great college experience before the inevitable days of 9 to 5 slavery.
Well my focus at the moment is that I ace my exams in May so I can chill have a jolly good summer, rebuild my damaged soul and to reassess what I'm going to do in the year 05/06. I do have a potential get out clause of a course I am interested in out in DIT but the only downside of the I would have to fork out around 4,000 1 euro coins for that which I do not need. I do feel it is a bit late for having a go at new clubs or societies and I feel I need to relax and make sure I pass these exams in May. Don't worry though if I do come back next year to this hellhole which is 50/50, I do intend to join as many good, motivated and friendly clubs/socs as possible (not the likes of C&E, B&L etc.) which I have a genuine interest in as hopefully I will come across some good people who wiil appreciate what I have to offer as a person and human being.
Please keep the posts coming you can think of anything more to say as they have been so helpful to me (except a certain couple) and even if there is one other person who is in a similar situation or feels crap happens to stumble across this thread and it can give them any encouargement, then its worth it.
Cheers yet again
Zane from the20 -
Zane, I've been following this thread since it started and I really don't know what to think. TBH arts is undeniably huge, and any of my friends who did arts from school still hang around together and haven't really moved outside of their group. This is in stark contrast to Engineering, where there's six of us from my school there and i might hardly ever talk to any of them. However, it's hard to believe that there's such a bad atmosphere there. I'm half thinking of crashing an arts lecture to see if this is really true.
If you don't mind me asking, how was secondary school? Did you enjoy it? Was it mixed or single-sex? Did you have a smallish group of friends or were you a randomer? I used to hang around with two or three different groups in school, the "nerds", the "not-from-dublin-4" gang as I wasn't from D4 and also the slightly "crazy people". I was known about the place as the computer-nerd who was crap at P.E. but would happily allow my homework to be copied if cans/pints were on the table on the next night out! I also knew a lot of the girls from the neighbouring school from home, so i had my uses! It didn't really bother me that i didn't have one single close group of mates - but this was good when i went to college 'cos I was used to casually mixing with lots of people. Also, apart from the "hard-core" D4's, the gang of us that would go to the pub on a friday night were from D4, and from outside of D4 like me!
How did you get on with people not in a school setting, as in do/did you have a part-time job? I had a great job in the summer of sixth year, which i really loved, being one of eight lads amongst 40 girls, and there were loads of people of different ages, backgrounds and nationalities there. Coming from an all-boys "D4" school where rugby was the only common topic it was a great preparation for meeting all different types of people in college.
From reading what you've said so far, you seem to probably come across as a bit too desperate or else you come on too strong. Usually you'd hear this sort of thing with regards to meeting the opposite sex, but in a lesser way they hold for meeting people in general. How do you start a conversation? Maybe you start by your name or where someone's from - try ripping the piss out of the lecturer or commenting on some eejit in front of you instead. It will bring you across as a casual, fun sort of person. 0 -
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And the award for most philosophically descriptive post goes to...........kasintahan wrote:I've read the entire thread.
1500 people in our arts year and you don't think the problem is with you?
You're going to have the same problem in DIT, the problem is you.
The sooner you fix this the better, unless like some here you prefer not to.
Well since you obviously seem to know me so well that you can confidently say that the problem is with me tell us how I can change myself then? Since you know me so well from obviously being in all my lectures, tutorials and been there all the time around me you must see everything that goes on around me and have first hand knowledge of what goes around me so I defintiely think you can help me out easily then. Oh and DIT is completely the same as UCD is it? Yeah what a huge campus that DIT is and with classes of 40 people it is really the same as UCD yeah.
If you don't believe a word I have said in this thread then fine but how can say the problem is with me when you don't experience what I see day in day out. Everything I have said in this thread is completely true and honest. OK it may be too honest for some but I'm an honest person and I have my head more screwed on than your average 19 year old. The point of this thread I'm someone looking for advice on how to fit in to this place. I've described clearly how I feel and what I see everyday in this place. The majority of the responces have been extremely helpful and encouraging. If you don't agree with what I say then cool but don't judge me when you don't know me by saying the problem is me. I know for a fact there isn't a problem with me as a person. The problem is the size of this place and the people I've encountered.Slash/ED wrote:Well it's surely better taking a risk than coming back to something you know you will hate?
How come you're talking to nobody anymore, what about the people you know in the college, doing arts or otherwise? Where are they? Make an effort to meet up with them, even just a lunch or a bit to drink can make all the difference. Also if they've made some friends out there you may get to know them through the people you already know, which could be a good way to start a friendship.
Well with regards to me talking with anyone its simply circumstances. My best mate out in this place hasn't been in for the last week and my very few aquaintances either I never see them anymore or I'd just bump into them the odd time. I've tried the whole routine of asking people to meet up for lectures or a bite to eat. Usually there is ''something up'' where they can't. The fact is that I've got nothing in return from anyone so I've got to leave them be. If I constantly try to meet up with people and get told to politely f**k off then I'll feel even worse about myself. Also there is thing of no one introducing anyone out in this place so I can't get to know people that way either. Tutorials well, in one today I talked with people as always the case when that tutorial is over everyone disperses and you won't see them again for another week. My other tutorials no one bothers to communicate with anyone apart from their pre UCD friend in their tutorial so, I rarely speak with anyone in these tutorials due to no fault of my own (I'm always the one to start a convo or a bit of general friendliness) but other people's couldn't be bothered getting to know anyone attitude. So basically I rarely speak to anyone. It's soul destroying that not even one person in this place has made a genuine effort to get to know me as a person. I think anyone experiencing this would become frustrated. Grrrrrrrrr
:mad: 0 -
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Zane from MTV2 wrote:Well with regards to me talking with anyone its simply circumstances. My best mate out in this place hasn't been in for the last week and my very few aquaintances either I never see them anymore or I'd just bump into them the odd time. I've tried the whole routine of asking people to meet up for lectures or a bite to eat. Usually there is ''something up'' where they can't. The fact is that I've got nothing in return from anyone so I've got to leave them be. If I constantly try to meet up with people and get told to politely f**k off then I'll feel even worse about myself. Also there is thing of no one introducing anyone out in this place so I can't get to know people that way either. Tutorials well, in one today I talked with people as always the case when that tutorial is over everyone disperses and you won't see them again for another week. My other tutorials no one bothers to communicate with anyone apart from their pre UCD friend in their tutorial so, I rarely speak with anyone in these tutorials due to no fault of my own (I'm always the one to start a convo or a bit of general friendliness) but other people's couldn't be bothered getting to know anyone attitude. So basically I rarely speak to anyone. It's soul destroying that not even one person in this place has made a genuine effort to get to know me as a person. I think anyone experiencing this would become frustrated. Grrrrrrrrr :mad:
My advice, and you probably wont like it too much, is just keep trying! Don't come across as desperate, but keep talking to people keep politely asking if they'll meet up for lunch and whatnot. You may be told to **** off but are you any worse off than you were before? No, but if you keep trying you could end up seing alot more of the place and seing alot more of people around campus. You may not notice it but I think from what you're saying you just lack a little natural self confidence and as a result are probably a bit shy when talking to people, but you shouldn't be. You seem like a nice bloke so just keep trying really, get some peoples numbers and try to be a little less shy, giving up and walking around days without talking to people because one bloke didn't show up sure doesn't sound any worse than a few polite rebuttals.0 -
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Slash/ED wrote:Well your problem is, basically as you said yourself, that you simply can't handle being rejected anymore. It's natural but the problem is you are going to get it alot in your life no matter what you just have to keep yur head up. It's stating the obvious maybe, but still. I would imagine you had similar problems when starting primary school and secondary school but you may not even remember it as much as you probably grew into the groups there naturally as time went by, that simply wont happen due to the sheer size of UCD. You need to go out and keep making the effort, even if it may seem **** at times, it will eventually come good for you and it beats going through what you're going through now where you can spend days on your own because one or two people didn't come in. It's difficult and easy to say obviously, but if that is too difficult (And it is definitely not easy) than the sixe of UCD will never suit you. Like I said keep close to the people you do hang out with in UCD and are they doing any better than you? If so, talk to them, just ask them what their secret is and what they're doing that your not, also see if you keep hanging around with them you may get introduced to other people through them which is an easier less pressurised way of getting to know people.
Thanks Slash/ED. Hugely appreciated. 0 -
Zane from MTV2 wrote:Thanks Slash/ED. Hugely appreciated.
new solution. Go to the beers.
everyone else who posted here go as well => new friends.0 -
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Hey,
I posted much earlier in this thread and indicated that I was a past UCD arts student who graduated in the late '90s. My degree subjects were Economics and German and my recollection of the drop-out rates after first year are as follows:
Subject: 1st Year - 2nd Year - Subsequent Year(s)
German 230 125 100
Economics 300 180 160
and derived from the experiences of acquaintances..
English 500 250 240
History 500 300 270
These figures are conjecture on my part but I believe that they are fairly accurate, unless things have changed drastically in the intervening years. As you can see, the first year drop-out rate was ca. 40-50% with a much smaller reduction in class size in subsequent years. Hopefully, this information will be of some use to you when deciding to continue in UCD.
I don't usually follow threads all that closely but some of you guys posting (Zane, Mr. Nice Guy etc..) remind me so much of myself 8/9 years ago. I will reiterate my advice to make sure that you at least give the first year exams your best shot. You will then be starting next year with a clean slate, rather than the black cloud of previous exam failure hanging over you.
My only other piece of advice is to follow your heart and don't worry about the consequences. I was too worried about disappointing my parents to drop out after first year and actually finished the degree quite successfully. However, if I had the opportunity again, I would have dropped out and transferred to a different university. You need to really evaluate the following (i) do you think you will be able to penetrate the cliques next year and make friends? (ii) are you willing to prioritise academic achievement over friendship / drinking / general college experience?
The one good thing I can say about an arts degree is that it does imbue you with the ability to think and communicate effectively. I have noticed that I approach a problem differently to my more "techie" work colleagues and us arts people are much better at writing documents and reports
Anyway, I've rambled on for way too long already. Hopefully, this will give you some insight from someone who has been there and got the t-shirt.
Life is a bitch, full of these dilemmas !! All the best in whatever you decide !
J.0 -
QualderWahl wrote:Anyway, I've rambled on for way too long already.
not in the slightest, you have contributed more to this thread and boards in three posts than many do in years. 0 -
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