Storytime - mark 2

sanncoo

You ALL know the drill............

I was walking home from work one day when suddenly there appeared before me a....................................................

A shíty thread.

Chad ghostal

and destiny called me, to open up my eager eyes, i never...

Rozabeez

seen such a weird lookin' monkey dancing on the side of the road, so I........

CuLT

called out to the monkey, "hey you!... MONKEY!", the monkey turned to me with a gleam in his eye and......

optikus-prime

...........said quickly smash your keyboard before this goes any further

sanncoo

But that was atlactian code for I am your new leader! Bow to me! Kiss my left ear and show hommage!

Assures sanncoo this is irish code and helps optikus finish the job.

optikus-prime

The monkey's back and definitely said to smash your keyboard, and that atlactian code is only for gimps. The monkey along with his other 11 monkeys is currently flying to your house with a large hammer to fix your computer.

Miles

However, the evil white mice have been monitoring the situation and are at this very moment....

StupidLikeAFox

opening the windows to let the monkeys in

Miles

And then laughed gleefully as the monkeys realised they were really in a cage of death infested with demented grasshoppers. At the point the leader monkey pulled from his cape a...

CuLT

banana!


... upon whence a cloud of swarming baNanites emerged from every orifice of his body...

Miles

"baNanites" Classic.


But not to be forgotten at that time in a large spaceship in orbit there came a whistling noise.

PH01

The baNanites were transfixed by the Whistling Spaceship which slowly decended to the ground.
It landed and the front door of the spaceship opened. And out walked...

sanncoo

Tom Jones.....or rather 'it' looked like Tom Jones. As the Aliens lived light years away, their perception of sexy was somewhat warped based on the '60's television shows they were just getting....

'It's not unusual to be loved by anyone....whoa whoa whoa!'

Tom skipped off the ramp and headed......

PH01

...for the Pub. The baNanites followed him.
Inside, the barman asked Tom what would he like.
To which he replied...

sanncoo

Mama told me not to come............

Chad ghostal

To the toilet with many monkeys and a bundle of bananites....

Miles

But he explained (when he got back) "I am hear to find out about the ancient Irish art of trout tickling, and I heard that some white mice may be able to help." A hush fell on the room and the barman said "Son, let me tell you something....."

sanncoo

Trout tickling was banned after the Joe Duffy incident and mentioning it in public will....

Miles

Drive crowds into fits of laughter, but only if...

elivsvonchiaing

Joe Duffy has slates on his roof replaced by trout and he goes "nuclear" on global weather on his chat show! - think this might be topical tbh - tornados in Ireland ffs!

But only if he drives Shirley Temple Bar and Julien Cleary to do the weather together and stage a bitch fight - excellent- Not really- ya know me ya know whata mean! Well approximately anyhow

Miles

The white mice gazed at their LCD displays as the bizarre experiment continued.

sanncoo

Tom mulled over the implications re Joe Duffy and stared at the mice staring at their screens. Slowly but surely, he pulled a comb out of his trouser back pocket and started to .......................

PH01

comb his chest and back hair.
And when he did this, music was produced - huhmmmm huhmmmm-mmmm.
Everybody started to relax to this. Everybody began to feel happy and content. The sun came out and birds started to chirp.
Tom saw that this was good and it was good.
The barman said to Tom...

meditraitor

.......would you like a funky donut, to dip in your tea, ive been so busy today I forgot..........

Chad ghostal

my head, i decide ill need a new one so i go to the butcher and pick out..

meditraitor

... the best looking rarebit on the rack, two whips and a packet of aspirin, as I walk out the swinging door my knees begin to .......

PH01

...Dance! So I put on my new pink bowler hat. One for himself and one for his dog Pulleewee!
Pulleewee hat didn't fit too well so we had to pad it with...

meditraitor

the lining from my mothers confirmation jacket, being hindu as you can imagine she didnt take it well, marching right up to pullaaweee and driving him a .....

PH01

back to the bar where Tom was waiting.
Tom thought Pulleewee's hat was wonderful, so he started to sing this song...

Chad ghostal

" i like ma Bong.. I like ma Bong ..dum de de dum... so on and so on.." ..
and from his bong Tom Did take a PUff, and saw larry duff, who went in a huff to ..........so stuff..with

meditraitor

... of to find some muff, burgers that is , up his nose with soome wizz , puff puff puff,

Blah blah blah, Blah bling bling blah. But then suddenly

sanncoo

tom broke into his native language (thanks for the translation Ronoc)! He looked in amazement at the crowd! through all his huffing and puffing he had blown the pub down. the three mice looked on in amazement as out of the rubble dust appeared three pigs (recently escaped from the butchers) who saw Tom in a complelely different light (may have had something to do with the rubble dust blocking out the sun). With all the hair, he had the semblance of a wolf, well the pigs were delighted!! They could now complete their........

Chad ghostal

creepy pig porn film, all it needed was a fat old man and some mice, the began filming instantly jumping on tom and ripping his clothes off, tom screamed and tried to fight them off,
luckily he had his trusty pen knife, so he fashioned a de-atomiser out of some hay and a brick, instantly de-combobulating the piggies ,
The crowd cheered, and maidens flocked to toms side, tom was happy untill he realised.........

koneko

DAMN people! You add a few lines or a sentence, not a paragraph! No more cheating!!!

Chad ghostal

koneko wrote:

DAMN people! You add a few lines or a sentence, not a paragraph! No more cheating!!!

but mooooooooooooooooom.....

meditraitor

and boo hooooooo, do you cuckoo fru fru, do do, and start anew........

Chad ghostal

with a story about a duck named ted who..

meditraitor

who made his bed on a pancake with some hoi sin sause and spring onions, mistake number one.........

doonothing

because, unbeknownst to ickle ted, count duckula was ready and waiting to strike!
ted pounced right, duckula pounced left, this game of lungey lungey thrusty thrusty continued til the duckes passed out, when all of a sudden, mr monkry macmonkleson retured from the grave, with a curiousity enviable to any ill-fated cat.....

Miles

At least to a cat with nine lives. But this was a special cat, one they didn't call Mr Vegas for nothing. Boldly he stepped forward and...

sanncoo

with out a backward glance at Ted, Duckula or Tom.....broke in to an intricate tap dance. The rhythm of which lulled everyone to sleep. Mr Vegas surveyed his work and decided to........

Chad ghostal

make some lewd photographs with the sleeping bodies, setting each of the bodies up in hilarious sexual positions and then into a human pyramid..
he then realised that up his bum was a ...

sanncoo

passage that lead to another Universe, a parallel universe! Where women were women and men were men!

Chad ghostal

So he decided to crawl up his bum, into the parrallel universe,
on reaching the other side, he realised he had the most beautiful pair of breasts..

sanncoo

he had ripped them off Duckula in the turbulence during his trip to the parallel universe......

bringitdown

woof said flaherty, as the reached the other side, they soon discovered it was flaherty's garden

Chad ghostal

he realised he wasnt the new man in town.. So he called out.. ~!