the round

deRanged

Question:
What exactly is a "Round" and how does it work??

Answer:
A "Round" is an unwritten contract among alcohol
consumers. It consists of two or more people of
average drinking capabilities who take it in turn to
buy the full compliment of drinks for the group.

Procedure:
There are many unwritten rules that allow the "Round"
to run efficiently. The most important ( and most
abused ) of these is that the "Round" moves as fast
as the fastest drinker. That means that when the
first man in the round is finished then the next round
of drinks must be bought. There is no compromise to
this. This is a Black and white rule. The Round is
bought when one of the drinkers is finished.

Background:
No one knows the exact origin of the "Round" but a
variation of the early round system can be found in
Clare and involves Sheep-shagging instead of
alcohol.

FAQ
===
1/ Brian from Newport,
Question: Hypothetical situation : it's my round and
when I get to the bar they are no longer serving
pints. I
decided to buy Smirnoff Ice. Is this acceptable????

Answer: Tricky situation Brian. Smirnoff Ice is quite
alright, and your fellow drinkers will be very
grateful and will gladly drink this beverage and thank
you for it most heartily, but from this point
forward, you and seven generations of your family will
be known as Bangkok Lady Boys.

2/ Adrian from Waterford,
Question: I like being in a round but unfortunately I
am not able to handle much alcohol so I end up
slipping behind. But I always catch up again when
it's my round as I wait until I'm finished before I
buy my
round. This is acceptable, isn't it????

Answer: This is quite acceptable Adrian. it's not your
fault you're a slow drinker, and none of your mates
will fault you on it. They will encourage you to take
your time as they sit in front of their empty
glasses, but from this point forward you and seven
generations of your family will now be known as
Half-Pints.

3/ Timmy from Kilkenny,
Question: It's my round next but everyone decides to
leave for another pub. I go and hide so as I don't
have to buy my "Round". Is this not right????

Answer: Perfectly right Timmy. the boys will
appreciate that you wish to stay in the pub with your
other mates and that it would be impractical for you
to follow them just for the sake of buying a round,
however from this point forward seven generations of
your family will now be known as Tight *******s
(excluding your sisters).

4/ Mick from Paris,
Question: It is my round but I have just had a big
chunk of my colon removed and I am in agonising pain.
Can I just get a glass of water????

Answer: Of course Mick. The guys will understand that
your health is very important to you. They will
sympathise with you, ask you if you feel OK and offer
to call a taxi to take you home. However, once the
taxi has left, you and seven generations of your
family will become known as ****ing Wuss-Boys.
( I would like to thank Pinky for fielding that
question).

5/ Leon from Woodford,
Question: It is my round but I am well behind my
colleagues. In order to catch up would it be a good
idea to just buy drinks for the lads and not bother
buying one for myself? After all I have nearly
a full pint to keep me going.

Answer: Excellent idea. Taking a break during your
own round is a great way to ease the pressure,
while still paying back the drinks you owe the lads.
Nobody loses out under these circumstances, except for
the next seven generations of your family, who will
be branded with the title "Cute Hoors" (especially
your ma).


[This message has been edited by deRanged (edited 08-06-2000).]

Pretence

Funny coz its true