old viking joke 4 dubliners

clevercelt

So there's this old Viking complete with furry boots and sheepskin cloak and he's hauling himself up the side of a steep cliff on his worn rope. Struggling away, the sweat is lashing off him, the rope is beginning to fray and he is gradually but strenuously beginning to reach the top. As he gets to the top he straightens his Helmut ( Head variety wid horns and all) and he whips out his bigger than life Metal Viking axe. He has a quick look around and sees a hamlet ( a group of small huts not the cigar) just at the top of this cliff where he's climbed. So he rushes off to the door of the 1st little hut, kicks it down, runs inside and whips the head off the man of the house. Grabs the woman of the house (or woman of the hut if you want to be a pain about it) and screams at her. " Have you been raped and pillaged ?? Have you been raped and pillaged ?? At which point the terrified woman resisting pleads, No No No !! please don't ! please don't. So our Viking grabs her, throws her on the table and a few pelvic thrusts later, puts some minor house hold valuables into his bag and moves to the next hut. Where he of course for the benefit of this joke exactly repeats the process. Whips out axe. Cuts off man of house's head. Shouts " have you been raped and pillaged, No No No please don’t', pelvic thrusts, fills bag with goodies. On to third hut. Whips out axe, cuts off man's head, raped and pillaged ?? No No No Please don't !! Pelvic thrusts more valuables, fifth house etc etc. …..Until Last little only untouched hut is left. Now absolutely drenched in sweat, weighed down with all the spoils of his conquests he readies himself for the last hut. takes deep breath, rushes in, as the man of the house rises to meet him, in one single motion he whips off the man's head with his axe and throws the woman onto the table shouting " Have you been Raped and pillaged, Have you been Raped and pillaged ? the terrorised woman replies "No No please don't please don't. At this point Our viking declares: For ****s sake doesn't anybody know where the boys went ?