IF STAR WARS WAS SET IN LIMERICK

Pretence

Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 6'6"
tall, from "The Ciddy" and have no name. He'd have the same amount of
body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink
and wear a leather waistcoat. LOVE and HATE would be tattooed to his
knuckles. He'd work as a bouncer in Kilmurry Lodge..

Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as the Big Fella..
People trying to start a fight with him would refer to his mother or
describe him as "you big ****ing knob"..

Darth Vader would be referred to as "Da Feen" and wear the mask because
he was viciously attacked by a drunken wino one night outside Todds and
still bears the horrific scars. He would be a member of the Kelly family
and would be driven around in the back of a hiace looking for a fight
off the tinkers down Rebouge..

Princess Leia would be called Princess Leanne and would have her hair
dyed blonde since she was 12 and be referred to as a "byoor" or "your
one". She and her 5 year old would live in the Chicken Hut and would be
the prime catch..

R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the
number of students who would try to puke into him or tie their bicycle
to him, or take him home to decorate their sitting room in Elm Park. He
would also refuse to go the Ennis Road for fear of being run over by a
drunken Volvo driving Ralph Lauren clad rugby player..

Gangs of "wahs" hanging around outside Arthurs Quay park or Ballinacurra
smokin' gonj and carrying stanley knives uttering things such as "djuno
wad I mean like?" or "wad are you say'n ?" would also seriously endanger
his life..

The Ewoks would be the annoying little *******s that go looking for
fights with guys 3 times their age and 4 times their size. They'd hang
around Cruises Street and instead of chanting mumbled songs, would shout
obscenities such as "Come on, do you want a fight you faggit" or "I'll
knock you out" at passers-by or the Hari Krishna's selling books of a
Saturday morning.. Instead of having flimsy bits of clothes made out
animal skins, they'd wear baggy, puffy Adidas, Nike and Le Coq Sportif
sports clothes in flouresant colours..

The Battle for Endor would actually be just rival youth gangs from
Southhill and Moyross..

Jabba the Hut would be a pimp, living down the dock road in Ranks..
Along with all the prostitutes and drugs, he'd also dabble in a bit of
radio piracy. He'd be the main D.J. and would play dance music all day
long. Things like this would be heard on the station:"I'd like to give a
big shout out to Jacinta and Tommy, dair in O' Malley Park. I know Tommy
and he loves feekin de byoors. We'll have somethin' from de Vengaboys
dair for yu in about two minites."

Luke Skywalker from Tatooine would be Mikey O' Shea from Killmallock and
would get a baitin' every Saturday from the Wahs hangin' around in the
Savoy Cineplex down Bedford Row when he'd come into the city. He would
be referred to as a "****in' spa of a Farmer."

Although proficient in over 3,500 languages C3PO would still be unable
to understand what anyone who works on the DELL line says. He would be
referred to in the local vernacular as "a ****ing queer"..

The storm troopers would be called "De Shades" and wouldn't fight the
rebel alliance, they'd drive around in "Paddywagons" and spruced-up ford
mondeos and be involved in high speed chases at 2 in the morning after
stolen honda civics around the Roxboro
area..

The Millennium Falcon would have alloy wheels, a body kit, 5 spots on
the front bumper and the chassis would be no higher than 4cm off the
ground and would often be found abandoned near the Roxboro roundabout or
down de Island field. It would have a 'No Fear' sticker in the back
window and a Supermac's "UP LIMERICK" sticker dating from 1996 on the
windscreen. It would have four spoilers and a muffler on the exhaust and
be constantly tuned into Kiss FM.. 'The Launch' would be heard from
miles around from the five 90 Watt speakers placed around the interior..

Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run
very fast when you're wearing 5 inch platform heels and a tiny silver
mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your **** every two steps.
Especially through piles of puke outside Supermac's..

TwoShedsJackson

Dave

ROFLMAO

ud have to be from limerick to get most of the stuff

also funny coz its true

plastic membrane

Damn right. Y'all put a little too much thought into it to be classified as sane, but funny, damn funny, well done my son, WAH!!!

When i was working in Dell i got so bored myself and a mate, who was on the same askew wavelength, came up with a version of Heat set in Dell and Limerick. Can't remember all of it, but it was F ucking good laugh i canm tell you.

Cerberus

Very funny n' very true. One thing though..
If Starwars was set in Limrick would the knackers hanging aroung Chawkes looking for faaigs still be just be the knackers hanging around Chawkes looking for faaigs or would they be cast as a different species of scavengers?

podgeen

go cerberus gp

Bard

"Goes to Limerick all the time coz Clare sucks" ... are you MAD???!

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Blitzkrieger

And what is it with 12-year-olds dying their hair blonde? So many of 'em do it down my way you'd swear it was contagious. You'd mistake the gaff for Sweden!

plastic membrane

My own personel favorite used to be the goths who hung out in front of Todds. Don't know if they're still there or not, but they used to make me yearn for suicide and The Smiths, for some strange reason..

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Pretence

Originally posted by Blitzkrieger:
And what is it with 12-year-olds dying their hair blonde?

Dont forget the little pubic moustaches

Bard

LOL membrane... last time I was there, the goths were still stapled to Todds... jeez, - it's been a while...

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Bloody Drunkard

I hate those little Ewok like waa's . One day in Super Knacks in Town the little waa's picked a fight with one of me friends and threw chips at him . it got funny when they tried to strangle him using a string. And Irish Assasin ain't from Limerick He's a farmer from MEELICK in Co. Clare but goes to Limerick the whole time coz Clare sucks

Blitzkrieger

kids are un-believale nowadays! A freind of mine has a 9-year-old niece and she dresses like a tramp! And she owns a mobile phone. what the **** does a 9-year-old need a mobile phone for? She'll have cancer in her head by the time she reaches puberty.

plastic membrane

LOL, pubic moustaches. Funny as hell. Everytime i see a Wah! with one i laugh.

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