Letter from a redneck mom

Bard

Made our resident Canadian in the office roll around the place laughing... *shrug*

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Dearest Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live
where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most
accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able
to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here
took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change
their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it
works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the
chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only
rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time
for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would
be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and
put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because
it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby
this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you
are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull
him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned
for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.
Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your
other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get
the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has
happened.

Love, Your Favorite Aunt

Mom

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Bard

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