Humour. On the humour board. And a Sexism Exam.

NakedBibleReadingMan

A young brickie starts work on a farm, and the boss sends him out to the local supplier for more cement. As dusk falls he's still not returned, so the boss calls him on the CB radio. "I've got a problem boss" comes the reply. "I've hit a pig!". The foreman sighs. "Well, these things happen" he says sympathetically. "Just drag the carcass off the road so nobody hits in the dark"
"But he's not dead, boss," says the young man. "He's tangled up on the bull bar. He's kicking and screaming in a horrible way. he's a big mutha, boss-I'm afraid he's gonna hurt me!" "Never mind," says the boss. "There's a shotgun under the tarp in the back of the truck. get that out and shoot him. Then drag the carcass off the road and come on home."
Another half hour goes by, but there is still no word. The boss gets back on the CB. "What's the problem? Did you drag the pig off the road?" Through the radio crackle he replys, "Yeah boss, but his motorbike is still jammed under the truck"

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Q. What happened to Jesus when he went to Mount Olive?
A. Popeye kicked his ass!

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GCSE Examination Paper. SEXISM STUDIES

Time allowed 3 hrs.

Attempt all questions. If you do not know the answer to a particular
question attempt to look at someone else's paper by knocking your biro
onto the floor and having a shufty while you lean over to retrieve it.
You are allowed one visit to the toilet to look at the answers you
wrote on the wall yesterday. After ten minutes, request more paper to
frighten the other candidates into thinking that you must have written

loads. Attempt to introduce the one or two facts you are reasonably
sure of into the answers to every question. At 4.30 exactly,
everybody cough to make the invigilator jump.

Section A (50%)

1. Explain why the best women's football team in the world wouldn't
stand a chance against you and ten of your mates. Include in your
answer:
a) Why they are unable to kick a ball straight
b) What you wouldn't mind doing with them in the bath after the
match, though.

2. Pamela Anderson's tits are plastic but look good in photographs.
Compare and contrast the relative merits of plastic and real tits for
recreational purposes.

3. It is a long established fact that fat lasses are more grateful
for it. Outline some of the reasons why this is so, and explain why
all feminists are fat, ugly lesbians.

4. Write a critique of any ONE of the following films you have
watched at your mates house while his parents were away for the

weekend.
a) Sex Boat
b) Three Into One Will Go
c) King Dong
d) Speared by Zulu Lovers
5. Women drivers, eh? Discuss.


Section B (50%)

1. Describe an experiment to impress a girl by lighting a fart. What
apparatus would you require?
What risks would you run in lighting a fart and what are the benefits?
Write a balanced chemical equation to describe the reaction that takes
place when an eggy fart is lit in a pub with a match.

2. Name something a woman has invented.

3. On average, women live 7 years longer than men yet get their
pension 5 years earlier. Explain why this isn't fair, making
reference to your lazy old granny who lived to be 100 and your poor
granddad who worked 52 years down the pit and died the day before he
retired.
4. Argue heatedly over the respective merits of the Lambourghinni
Diablo and the Ferrari Testerossa without ever having seen, let alone
driven, either.

Blitzkrieger

actually I drove a 355 briefly - the cops caught up with me!

Na - my cousin in England works for one of those track day companies, where you get to drive a selection of different supercars. I couldn't afford it but me cousin snuck me in for a few laps in the 355. Pity it was a Spyder - the roof kept rattling Fantastic car tho


Speaking of women drivers : This 'oul one in a BMW was in front of me on the ramp down to join the dual carrigeway. She get's to the slip road at the bottom of it and STOPS! In the middle of the ****ing slip road and looks back along the dual carrigeway and WAITS until there's no traffic coming!
Of couse on such a busy dual carrigeway there's always traffic coming.
No amount of beeping would get her to move and if I got out of the car to talk to her she probably would have thought I was coming to rape her or something so I had to go up on the grass around her. She's probably still there waiting for a gap in the traffic

Lump

LOL, at the first wan.

John

*Sovereign*