nursery rhymes gone wrong.

Carnage · 24-08-2000 8:31am #1

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a little fun --
Stupid jill
Forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

Old mother hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch her dog a bone
When she bent over
Rover ran over
And gave her a bone of his own

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two hunks of bread

Sing a song of sexpants, trousers all a
bulge
4 & 20 blackbirds longing to indulge
when the flies were opened the girls began
to sing
what a dainty morsel, even for a king.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It had not been the spider that crept up
beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Simple Simon met a Pieman
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pieman unto Simon
"Pies, you dickhead!"

There was a little girl, who had a little
Curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
And when she was good, she was very very
good
But when she was bad she got a fur coat,
jewels, a sports car......

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the kings horses and all the kings men
had scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast

Hickory dickory dock,
Three mice ran up the clock
the clock struck one,
and the others got away with minor injuries

Hey diddle, diddle,
the cat did a piddle,
all over the bedside clock,
The little dog laughed to see such fun
And the cat died of electric shock.

Mary had a little lamb,
It walked into a pylon,
10,000 volts went up it's **** ,
And turned it's wool to nylon.

Mary Had A Little Lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb,
But I've never seen her bear.

Mary Had A Little Lamb,
She also had a duck
She put them on the mantlepiece
To see if they would..... talk to each
other.

Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
when the boys came out to play
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

Mary had a little lamb
You've heard this tale before,
But did you know she passed her plate
And had a little more?

Mary had a little lamb
It was always in a hurry
Fell into the cooking pot
And now it's in a curry

Shiminay · 24-08-2000 9:17am

LOL - g'man Jes!!!

FreaK_BrutheR · 24-08-2000 2:33pm

There was a little girl, who had a little
Curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
And when she was good, she was very very
good
But when she was bad she was very very popular.

Shiminay · 24-08-2000 2:40pm

Jack and jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill forgot to take her pill,
And now they have a daughter!

There was an old woman,
Who lived in a Shoe.
She had so many kids,
She didn't know what to do!
Social Services came around, took the kids and told her what a condom was.

Mary had a little lamb,
She fed it from a bucket.
Every night, just before bed,
Mary used to _____________ it!

Líon na bearnaí
(fill in the lines for you non Irish people)

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
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