tis a fine barn english

stu_69

RECEIVED FROM AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR:

"You know that book Men are from Mars, Women from Venus? Well, here's a
prime example
of that. This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca - last
name deleted and Gary - last name deleted.

English
44A
SMU,
Creative Writing
Prof. Miller

In-class Assignment for Wednesday

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process
is simple. Each
person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
One of you will then write
the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph
and then add another
paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph,
and so on back and
forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep
the story coherent.
The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

---

STORY:

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile,
which used to be
her favourite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl,
who once said, in
happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all
costs, keep her mind off
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too
much her asthma
started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

---

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over
Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of
an air-headed asthmatic
bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
"A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit
established. No sign of
resistance so far...". But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
flashed out of nowhere
and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct
hit sent him flying out of
his seat and across the ****pit.

---

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
last pang of regret
for psychically brutalising the one woman who had ever had feelings for
him. Soon afterwards,
Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of
Skylon 4. "Congress
Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in
her newspaper one
morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out
the window,
dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree,
with no newspapers
to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder
at all the beautiful things
around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.

---

Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
of miles above the city,
the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles.
The dim-witted wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through
Congress had left
Earth a defenceless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined
to destroy the
human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian
ships were on
course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverise the entire planet.
With no one to stop
them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile
entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
on the ocean floor
off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporised
Laurie and 85
million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference
table. "We can't allow
this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

---

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent,
chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

---

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centred tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing
are the literary
equivalent of Valium.

---

a$$hole.

---

b1t<h.

[This message has been edited by stu_69 (edited 21-10-2000).]

the fnj

hehe

I like it!

richindub2

lol,i like it too

---

UP DA DUBS!!

Lord Khan

But how does it eend?

did laurie every get her cup of tea? did earth fight back? how many beetnicks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? what is the speed of a unladden swallow?

LoLth

that an african or a european swallow?