aussie sayings

stu_69

Great Aussie Sayings
I'm hungry:
'I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies.'
'I could eat the horse and chase the jockey.'
'So hungry I'd eat a **** sandwich, only I don't like bread.'
'I could eat the **** out of a rag doll through a cane chair.'
'So hungry I could eat the **** out of a low flying duck.'
* I'm thirsty:
'I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger.'
'I'm drier than a nuns nasty.'
'I'm dry as a **** with no foreplay.'
'I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat.'
'I'm as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards.'
'I'm drier than an Arab's fart.'
* I need to go for a pee:
'Gonna drain me dragon.'
'My back teeth are floating.'
'Need to syphon the python.'
'Takin' the kids to the pool.'
'I got to take a snakes hiss.'
'Gotta go have a slash.'
'Gonna go water a horse.'
'I'm off to drain the main vein.'
'Time to splatter the bladder.'
'I'm dying for a **** so bad I can taste it.'
'Shake hands with the wife's best friend.'
* I need to do a poo:
'I gotta go give birth to a politician.'
'I'm takin' a stroll to the gravy bowl.'
'It was like giving birth to Kim Beasly.'
'Off to the bog to leave an offering.'
'Time to snap off a grogan.'
'Have to hang a brown bear in the porcelain cave.'
'I'm gonna strangle a brownie.'
'There's a brown dog barking at the back door.'
'I'm going to give birth to your twin.'
'Need to choke a brown dog.'
'Going for a Rodney.'
'Taking out the garbage.'
'I gotta back one out.'
'Release the Chocolate hostage'
* Vomit:
'Calling for George.' (think about it)
'I was driving the porcelain bus this morning.'
'I left him a lawn pizza.'
'Toss a tiger on the carpet.'
* Insults:
'I hope your ears turn into ********s and **** on your shoulders.'
'Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!'
'About as useful as tits on a bull.'
'You must be the world's only living brain donor.'
'He's a few ****s short of an orgasm.'
'She had more *****s than a second hand dartboard.'
'He had a head on him like a sucked mango.'
'May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.'
'He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock.'
'So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!'
'Couldn't organise a ****-up in a brewery.'
'Pull your lip over your head and swallow!'
'As ugly as a bucket of ********s.'
'If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's **** and make it walk backwards.'
'Got a face like a bashed in **** can.'
'Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground.'
'Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's **** .'
'Couldn't organise a **** in a brothel with a fist full of fifties.'
'About as useful as a one-legged man in an **** -kicking competition.'
'I'll kick your bum till your nose bleeds!'
'A stubbie short of a six pack.'
'Seen better heads in a **** trough.'
'You're as handy as **** on a stick.'
'Tighter than a fish's **** .'
'So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him.'
'Face like a smashed crab.'
'As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.'
'He could talk a dog off a meatwagon.'
'****ed in the head.'
'You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie.'
'He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door.'
'Mate, shes as rough as a pigs breakfast.'
'Your face is like a twisted ugg boot.'
'He's got a face like a cat licking **** off a thistle.'
'She's been hit with the fugley stick too many times.'
'She's two pick handles wide.'
'An **** like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag.'
'As ugly as a bag of spanners.'
'You've got a head like a dropped pie.'
'He thinks his **** don' stink, but his farts give him away.'
'I wish his dad had settled for a blow job.'
'Fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down.'
'If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it.'
'Wouldn't know if someone was up him sideways with an armful of deck chairs.'
'As thick as two short planks!'
* Compliments:
'Ya bloods worth bottling!'
'He's True Blue.'
'I'd be up her like a rat up a drain pipe.'
'A better man never stood in two shoes!'
* Yes:
'Does a fat dog fart?'
'Even Blind Freddy could see it.'
'Is the Pope a Catholic?'
'Does a Koala **** in a gum tree and wipe his ass on a ****atoo?'
'Does the Pope tuck his shirt in with a wooden spoon?'
'Bloody oath!'
'No wucking furries.'
* No:
'Pig's **** !!'
* Assorted:
'Drilling for Vegemite.' (Anal sex)
'I'll have a super.' (I'll have a beer)
'Make mine an unleaded.' (I'll have a light beer)
'Going off like a frog in a sock.' (try to picture this one)