Condensing History Essays

exiztone

I've to write an essay on Cumann na nGaedheal for my mock next. We've gone through it in class, I have two sources of information and my history teacher was kind enough to give us the paragraphs to write and what should be contained in them.

I have two problems really. I'm not a good essay writer, so when I write an essay for history and I try to get marks for factual information, it's so crammed with facts (in order to keep it relevant) that the paragraphs are too long. When I try to condense them, my words become so vague and it's basically just making some broad account of the events instead of being relevant to the question. I'd love some advice on how to curb this.

At this present moment, I'm writing that Cumann na nGaedheal essay. I've chosen this question: Security, the economy, and Anglo-Irish relations were key concerns of Cumann na . My teacher tells me I need to make two paragraphs on each of those topics with an introduction and conclusion. I've barely finished my first paragraph and I'm already running into problems. Here it is.

The Irish Free State was conscious of the need for law and order in a period only after the War of the Independence and the Civil War. The formation of the Garda Síochána in 1922 was the first step to obtaining national security. Eoin O'Duffy undertook the job of commissioner. The Gardaí were unarmed and existed to enforce the laws passed by the legislature in the Free State. The Courts of Justice Act 1924 abolished both the court system of the British and the Sinn Féin courts. It divided the Free State into 33 districts, each with a district judge who had jurisdiction on minor civil cases. The country was divided into 8 circuits with a judge each who decided civil and criminal cases with a jury. Also established were a Central Criminal Court, High Court and Supreme Court. In 1924 a number of army officers mutinied. They presented an ultimatum to Cumann na nGaedheal for serious reform. The government setup a committee of inquiry to look into the administration of the army. Kevin O'Higgins solved this crisis and laid down the principle that from now on those who take pay and wear the uniform of the state must be non-political servants to the state.

I was told to discuss the Garda, judiciary and army mutiny. That's over 200 words and it's still so vague and lacking factual content along with opinion. I'd really love some help, I'm sick and tired of writing bad essays. I'm considering getting a grind during my Easter holidays at the Institute if it can help me.

Thanks in advance

Cannibal Ox

Personnaly, if I were you I wouldn't do that Q. Doing Security or the Economy is one thing but taking in both is going to be a hell of a lot of work, Anglo Irish as well...not easy.

The Institute has some great history teachers, and there notes are basically the essays written out in a longer form.

As for your paragraph, first break it up into two, Garda and Courts in one and Army Mutiny in another......

"After the Civil War, the Irish Free State set about esthablising law and order reforms. In 1922 the Garda Shiochana was formed, an unarmed policing body, under the leadership of Eoin O'Duffy. It was given the role of mainting social order. In 1924 the Courts of Justice Act abolished the British and Sinn Fein courts, dividing the Free State into 33 districts each containg a district judge who held jurisdiction in minor civil cases. The Central Criminal Court, High Court and Supreme Court were also esthablished."
<Analyse in respect to Q>

"In 1924 a number of army officers mutinied. They presented an ultimatum to Cumann na nGaedheal for serious reform. The government setup a committee of inquiry to look into the administration of the army. Kevin O'Higgins solved this crisis and laid down the principle that from now on those who take pay and wear the uniform of the state must be non-political servants to the state."
^Could be improved. I don't have my notes on me atm, but I'll try and find 'em.

Each of the paragraphs shows the info and facts, you'll get the marks for them.
What you could also do is break it up into three seperate short paragraphs. One on the Garda, the Courts and the Army Mutiny. Follow each one up with your own conclusions on what impact they had.

I know I didn't really shorten it down but honestly, that question is a right bitch to do and if I were you I'd find another one.

exiztone

Well, it's not so bad, by practising with this one, you're half-covering a variety of other possible questions.

Breaking that paragraph into more paragraphs is going to make it a whole lot more complex. I'll have to give a judgement on each case and it's going to become massive... too massive for 40 minutes That was only one paragraph out of eight. If I divide them into three, I'll technically have eighteen paragraphs plus an introduction and conclusion. :eek:

segadreamcast

"
I've to write an essay on Cumann na nGaedheal for my mock next."

You know...you aren't meant to be told what's on your mock exams...it kind of defeats the purpose.

Cannibal Ox

Hmmm....well, you could just use the Army Mutiny in passing mention to shorten it down, but that's a bit risky.
You have got well and enough info in that paragraph anyway, if that helps at all. The reason I'd break it up is because you get marked by paragraphs, so why have one big one when you can have two medium ones and still get full marks for both?

Well, it's not so bad, by practising with this one, you're half-covering a variety of other possible questions

That's true, as long as your confident enough that you could answer a Question on just Security, Economy or International Relations on there own but honestly, I wouldn't touch this question.

Just wondering, is this your special topic?

exiztone

NoelRock wrote:

You know...you aren't meant to be told what's on your mock exams...it kind of defeats the purpose.

Except for the fact that you know what's generally going to come up for the Leaving Cert? You're supposed to cover certain areas for each section of the history paper, by preparing a Cumman na nGaedheal essay you're potentially covering a variety of things that could come up whether it be for the mock or the real deal...

Cannibal Ox wrote:

Just wondering, is this your special topic?

Nah, I fecked up on my special topic. I did a fairly poor essay on the Catholic Emancipation Centenary 1929. There wasn't enough factual information. On my week off after the mocks, I'm going to do a better research topic. Perhaps a biography or something obscure like the contributions some economist made to society, which I could probably use for my economics exam too.

segadreamcast

"Except for the fact that you know what's generally going to come up for the Leaving Cert?"

Not what I'm saying here at all. I'm just stating my opposition to teachers who reveal the exact mock because, ultimately, your method is far better.

Fair enough though - if you're just researching it yourself, though the impression you gave (since you don't appear to be too proficient in the subject) is that your teacher was helping you out before the mock... Whatever though, it isn't my exam.

Flamingfud

exiztone wrote:

Nah, I fecked up on my special topic. I did a fairly poor essay on the Catholic Emancipation Centenary 1929. There wasn't enough factual information. On my week off after the mocks, I'm going to do a better research topic. Perhaps a biography or something obscure like the contributions some economist made to society, which I could probably use for my economics exam too.

You should do John Maynard Keynes' influence on post-WW2 Irish governmental economic policies. As a bonus, it's practically the capital and interest chapter from Economics. (I'm a fellow History & Economics man)