oooohh

stu_69 · 17-11-2000 10:09am #1

> To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your
> > >failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves,
> we
> > >hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
> today.
> > .
> > >Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
> over
> > all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
> > >does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
> for
> > >the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
> > >outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the
> need
> > for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
> > >questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
> > you noticed.
> > >> >
> > >To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> > >rules are introduced with immediate effect:
> > >
> > >1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> Then
> > >look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed
> at
> > >just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should
> raise
> > > >your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the
> > same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like"
> and
> > "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
> Look up
> >"interspersed".
> > >
> > >2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know
> on
> > >your behalf.
> > >
> > >3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
> It
> > >really isn't that hard.
> > >
> > >4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
> the
> > >good guys.
> > >
> > >5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
> Queen",
> > > >but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to
> get
> > >confused and give up half way through.
> > >
> > >6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
> of
> > >football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> game.
> > The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
> borders
> > >may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will
> no
> > >longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
> > >Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
> difficult
> > game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
> > >(which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping
> for
> > >a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like
> > >nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side
> > by 2005.
> > >> >
> > >7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
> if
> > >they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
> there is
> > > >a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
> Russians
> > >have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "****".
> > >
> > >8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
> > >national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
> Day".
> > > >
> > >9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
> your
> > >own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
> mean.
> > >
> > >10. Please tell us who killed Kenny. It's been driving us crazy. Thank
> you
> > > >for your co-operation.