tee hee hee

Carnage

Q: What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it but can't eat it.
Q: What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q. What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.

Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A: One snatches watches. The other watches snatches.

Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.

Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a goodyear, and the other is a great year!!

Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q. Did you hear about the 150 lb. man who had 75 lb. testicles?
A. He was half nuts!!!

Q. What do you call a blonde grabbing at air?
A. Collecting her thoughts

Q. What do women and spaghetti have in common?
A. They both squirm when you eat them.

Q. Why don't chickens wear underwear?
A. Because their peckers are on their faces.

Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q. What are the three greatest lies?
A. a) the check is in the mail
b) small is beatiful
c) I won't come in your mouth

Q. Why did the pervert cross the road?
A. Because he got his dick stuck in the chicken?

Q. Which of the following doesn't belong?
(a) meat
(b) eggs
(c) wife
(d) *******.
A. It's (d) a ******* because it's possible to beat your meat,
your
eggs,
or your
wife, but you can't beat a *******.

Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A. ****s funny

Q. Why did the condom fly across the room?
A. Because it got ****ed off.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. The balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.

Q. Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
A. They have shaky hands!

Q. What is the area between the vagina and the anus called?
A. A chin rest.

Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.

Q. What was the first obscenity ever heard on TV?
A. "Ward, weren't you a little hard on the Beaver last night?"

Q. Do you know why it's called sex?
A. Because it's easier to spell
than..."Uhhhhh..oooohh...Ahhhhhh....AIIEEEEEEE!!!"

Q. But do you know what 6.9 is?
A. A good thing screwed up by a period.

Q. If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?
A. Divorce proceedings, most likely.

Q. How do you scare a man?
A. Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

Q. What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift to women?
A. Exchange him.

Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at ****tail parties.