Men and Women

Keeks

I'll probably get flamed by neuro for post this but what the hell. Its funny.

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Wine her
Dine her
Call her
Support her
Hold her
Surprise her
Compliment her
Smile at her
Listen to her
Laugh with her
Romance her
Believe in her
Cuddle with her
Shop with her
Give her jewelry
Buy her flowers
Hold her hand
Write love letters to her
Go to the end of the earth and back again for her

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked
Bring food

How to use the ATM

MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine
2. Wind down your car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
5. Retrieve card, cash, and receipt
6. Wind up window
7. Drive off

FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3. Re-start the stalled engine
4. Wind down the window
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card
6. Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror
7. Attempt to insert card into machine
8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
9. Insert card
10. Re-insert card the right way up
11. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
12. Enter PIN
13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
14. Enter amount of cash required
15. Re-check make up in rear view mirror
16. Retrieve cash and receipt
17. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18. Place receipt in back of cheque book
19. Drive forwards 7 feet
20. Reverse back to cash machine
21. Retrieve card
22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
23. Re-check make-up again
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off
25. Drive for 3 to 4 miles
26. Release hand brake


The Nine Important Men In A Woman's Life....

1. THE DOCTOR: because he says, "Take your clothes off."

2. THE DENTIST: because he says, "Open wide".

3. THE HAIRDRESSER: because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?".

4. THE MILKMAN: because he says, "Do you want it in the front or the back?".

5. THE INTERIOR DECORATOR: because he says, "Once it's in, you'll love it!".

6. THE STOCK BROKER: because he says, "it will rise right up, fluctuate for a while, and then slowly fall back again."

7. THE BANKER: because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest.

8. THE HUNTER: (our favorite) because he goes deep in the bush, shoots twice, and always eats what he shoots.

9. THE TELEPHONE GUY: because he says, "Would you like it on the table or up against the wall?"

My no. 1 is THE TEACHER who says: "now, dear, we'll try it over and over again until we get it right"

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Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer)

[This message has been edited by Keeks (edited 18-02-2001).]

Lump

HE HE

John

Victor

Keeks,

Nice spamming!

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[cue Homer Simpson voice] Hmmm, pigeons.

Keeks

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Victor:
Nice spamming!

</font>

What do u mean spamming. Trying to pick a fight

Victor

Yeah, whacha gonna do 'bout it?

;-)

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[cue Homer Simpson voice] Hmmm, pigeons.

Victor

Just messin Keeks, I'm justing saying u posted lots of stuff - thanks.

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[cue Homer Simpson voice] Hmmm, pigeons.

TacT

roflmao

Keeks

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Victor:
Just messin Keeks, I'm justing saying u posted lots of stuff - thanks.

</font>

Don't worry bout it m8. Just count ur self lucky i'm not like the ppl on the trolls board.