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Bath size soap???

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  • 26-02-2001 6:58pm
    #1
    SHADOW
    Closed Accounts Posts: 768 ✭✭✭


    The following letters are taken from an actual incident
    between a London hotel and one of its guests . The hotel ended up
    submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times.

    Dear Maid,
    Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in
    my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Imperial Leather.
    Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the
    medicine
    chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

    Thank you, S. Berman
    Dear Room 635,

    I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
    Her
    day off.
    I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested.
    The 6
    bars on
    your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex
    dispenser
    in case you
    should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which

    my
    instructions from
    the management are to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

    Kathy, Relief Maid
    Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.

    Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her
    concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this
    evening,
    found you had added 3 little Camay's to the shelf under my medicine
    cabinet.
    I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my
    own
    bath-size Imperial Leather, so I won't need those 6 little Camay's,
    which
    are on the
    shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please
    remove
    them.

    S. Berman

    Dear Mr. Berman,

    The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning
    that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your
    maid
    service.
    I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept
    my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future
    complaints, please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
    Call
    extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.

    Thank you. Elaine Carmen
    Housekeeper
    Dear Miss Carmen,

    It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the
    hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM.
    That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already
    off
    duty.
    I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
    Bars
    of soap.
    The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check
    in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine
    cabinet, along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the Bathroom
    shelf.
    In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap.
    Why are you doing this to me?

    S. Berman
    Dear Mr. Berman,

    Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap
    to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further
    assistance,
    please call extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5PM.

    Thank you, Elaine Carmen,
    Housekeeper
    Dear Mr. Kensedder,

    My bath-size Imperial Leather is missing. Every bar of soap
    was taken from my room, including my own bath-size Imperial Leather. I
    came
    in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little
    Cashmere
    Bouquets.

    S. Berman
    Dear Mr. Berman,

    I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.
    I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our
    maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a
    room.
    The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my
    apologies for the inconvenience.

    Martin L. Kensedder
    Assistant Manager

    Dear Mrs. Carmen,
    Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came
    in last Night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little
    bars
    of Camay.
    I want my one damn bar of bath-size Imperial Leather. Do you realise
    I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath-size Imperial
    Leather.
    Please give me back my bath-size Imperial Leather.

    S. Berman
    Dear Mr. Berman,
    You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed.
    Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was
    missing, so I personally returned them The 24 Camay's which had been
    taken
    and the 3 Camay's you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know
    anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did

    not
    know I had returned your soaps, so she also brought 24 Camay's plus the

    3
    daily Camay's.
    I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size
    Imperial
    Leather.
    I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

    Elaine Carmen
    Housekeeper
    Dear Mrs. Carmen,
    Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
    As of today I possess:
    - On the shelf under the medicine cabinet -18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4
    and 1
    stack of 2.
    - On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of

    3.
    - On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of
    4
    hotel-size Ivory,
    and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
    - Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack
    of 2
    - In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
    - On the northeast corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly
    used.
    - On the northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camay's in 2 stacks of 3.
    Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
    neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
    than 4 have a tendency to tip.
    May I suggest that my bedroom windowsill is not in use and will make
    an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have
    purchased another bar of bath-size Imperial Leather which I am keeping
    in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

    S. Berman

    If the bottom falls out of your world, drink Andrews and the world will fall out of your bottom!!
    games?


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    neuro-praxis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,184 ✭✭✭neuro-praxis


    That had me laughing my face off. biggrin.gif Mmmm, I'm in the mood for some soap now....(Homer voice)...soap...

    Actually me and my cousin Grace ate soap in the bathroom once. We were having a teaparty, so we drank bathwater too, and knocked back a bit of conditioner, because it smelled like apples.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    We found out that it did not taste like apples.


    Give me back my towel. I'll sue.


  • Options
    #3
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,422 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    How appropriate for NP to respond to this one. How many towels do u want back?

    [cue Homer Simpson voice] Hmmm, apple soap .......nyum, nyum, nyum ..................... uaaaagghhhhh

    [This message has been edited by Victor (edited 27-02-2001).]


  • Options
    #4
    Hobbes
    Registered Users Posts: 21,264 ✭✭✭✭Hobbes


    http://www.snopes2.com/humor/letters/soap.htm


  • Options
    #5
    Yo Mamma
    Registered Users Posts: 954 ✭✭✭Yo Mamma


    I got sent that as a e-mail not to long ago !! Still funny though !!

    lol smile.gif


  • Options
    #6
    Baz_
    Registered Users Posts: 2,660 ✭✭✭Baz_


    very bloody funny that is, my god how stupid is the world.

    unforunately the answer is very.


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