Cyber sex (Warning Explicit, if you are under 18yrs of age or one of them chicks that

Canaboid

s easily offended please close your eyes.

Sorry for the formatting but I cant be ar$ed tidying it up.

>
> >As all of you are well aware, online computers are often used to engage
in
> >cybersex. Detailed and erotic fantasies are typed into the computer to be
> >instantly transmitted over the Internet.
> >Sometimes these harmless fantasies become fairly raunchy.
> >This is not the case with the following transcript of an actual on-line
> >cybersex session.
> >Either this guy is clueless or has the greatest sense of humour known to
> >mankind.
> >
> >
> >Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
> >
> >Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather
mini
> >skirt and high heeled boots. I am tan and very buffed. I work out
everyday.
> >My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm 6'3“ and about 125 kilos. I wear glasses and have on a pair
> of
> >blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old
T-shirt,
> >it's got some barbeque sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
> >
> >Wellhung: OK
> >
> >Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo
> >and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm smiling.
My
> >hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge
> >swelling bulge.
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
> >
> >Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
> >
> >Sweetheart:I'm moaning softly.
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides
off
> >of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing and pulling.
> >
> >Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your
> >blouse. I'm sorry.
> >
> >Sweetheart: That's OK. It wasn't really too expensive.
> >
> >Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
> >
> >Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft
> >breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do
> >you have scissors?
> >
> >Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I reach behind my back
and
> >undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts, my
> >nipples are erect for you.
> >
> >Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the
> >clasp.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby I just want to feel your tongue
> all
> >over me.
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts.
> >They're neat!
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling
your
> >ear.
> >
> >Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
phlegm.
> >
> >Sweetheart: WHAT?
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains of
my
> >blouse.
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it in
> the
> >corner of the room.
> >
> >Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard
> tool.
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in
and
> >out and nibbling on you..ummm, wait a second.
> >
> >Sweetheart: What's the matter?
> >
> >Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
> >
> >Sweetheart: Are you OK?
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
> >
> >Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup.
> >Where do you keep your cups?
> >
> >Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
> >
> >Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.
> >
> >Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And
> >now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark, I'm lost. Where is
the
> >bedroom?
> >
> >Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
> >
> >Wellhung: I found it.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.
> >
> >Wellhung: Me too.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against
each
> >other.
> >
> >Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
> >
> >Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off?
> >
> >Wellhung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the
> >nightstand.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!
> >
> >Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom.
> >
> >Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.
> >
> >Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the
> >toilet and lift the lid.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle. Uh-oh!
> >
> >Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
> >
> >Wellhung: I just realised I peed in your hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking
> >back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.
> >
> >Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.
> >
> >Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know...thing in your, um, woman's
> >thing.
> >
> >Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm
> having
> >a little problem here.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another
second.
> >Slide it in! Screw me!
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
> >
> >Sweetheart: WHAT?
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm limp...I can't sustain an erection.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my
> >face.
> >
> >Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy.
> >I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.
> >
> >Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed, I'm putting on my
> underwear
> >and my wet nasty blouse.
> >
> >Wellhung: No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across the
> >dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture
> >frames and your candles.
> >
> >Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.
> >
> >Wellhung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on
> the
> >curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a shocked look
on
> >my face.
> >
> >Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER!
> >
> >Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Nooooooo!

Frodo@work

very funny, seems a bit premeditated though.

Celt

This was posted in another thread very similaryl entiteld.

Da Bounca

ROFL
well played

po0k

LMAO......

Be honest, how many of ye have had similar experiences, on or off-line???

Kaidos

lol

i saw that somewhere before though, duno where

Littletinyman

ROFL, brilliant

sUrGe

i am crying with the laughfter!!!!!!!

rolf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

that has got to be the greatest story ever told

i am really crying now

ahh!! it hurts

richindub2

It was posted about a week ago in the other "cybersex" title'd thread....

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UP DA DUBS!!

strat

hehehe tis old alright but tis funneh
i think it was printed in one of the college magazines which are basically one page of jokes and funny pics after another

Hunter-FLUID

LMAO at that one.

[NON]mojo

did u know that whitelancer is only 15 years old? hes a friend of my bro.

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Austin 3:16 "You stole my mojo!!"

Swifty

hehehe
good stuff.

Celt

16 yuo pe0n
http://www.boards.ie/bulletin/Forum16/HTML/000832.html

Bomberman

I have never read so much in my life!
But i like it

Lucy_la_morte

Seen it about a year ago.

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Non.

Lucy la morte.

Ry

ROFLMFAO TEARS outta my eyes all the peeps in netshop are laughing because im laughin so loud rofl they dunno what im on a few even had to come up and check it out LOL.
LMAO ****in hilarious to picture it.

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Citer le Cordeau "JennyRooba"

Hendrix

Spiral you are full of it

Q_Ball

V. well plyd
aww best laugh i've had in a while

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It's a 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.

HIT IT!

[NON]mojo

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by WhiteLancer:
16 yuo pe0n
</font>

15 1/2

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Austin 3:16 "You stole my mojo!!"

DrunkLeprachaun

Sheer Briliance.

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If there's one thing I hate, it's people.

astrofool

saw this back in the good ol days of 1995

Victor

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by astrofool:
saw this back in the good ol days of 1995</font>

Yeah ,man, it's like retro-internet jokes!

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Changing call sign to SIERRA PAPA OSCAR OSCAR FOXTROT.

Lump

OMFG, Im in the horrors..... OH JESUS....

John

Ronan|Raven

Thats absoloeutly hilarious!