Little Johnny!

Shagus

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he said, "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three?"

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher, "Your dad did a good job.
What comes after ten?"

"The jack," says Johnny.

---

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it.

He says, "Hey Dad! What are you doing?"

His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank."

Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets
better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning."

---

Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging a loaf
of bread in one hand, and the other hand in his pants pocket.

Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a
good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little
Johnny."

He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny
that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have
in the other?"

Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father."

---

Little Johnny was left to fix lunch. When his mother returned
with a friend, she noticed that Johnny had already strained
the tea. So the two women sipped their tea happily while
having lunch and chit-chatted.

Afterwards, when her friend had left, Little Johnny's mother
talked to him... "Was it hard finding the tea strainer in the
kitchen?" his mother asked.

"Ma, I couldn't find it, so I used the fly swatter," replied
Johnny.

His mother nearly fainted, so Johnny hastily added, "Don't get
excited, ma, I used the old one!"

---

Little Johnny is walking with his father in the park and they
see two dogs locked in a sexual embrace. Little Johnny, not
understanding what the dogs are doing asks his father, "Daddy,
what are those two dogs doing?

"They are making a puppy!"

Later that night Johnny wakes up and walks down the hall to
his parents bedroom and catches his mother and father making
love. Johnny asks his father, "Daddy what are you and mommy
doing?"

"Johnny, we are making you a little sister."

Johnny thinks for a few moments and responds, "Well, daddy
could you roll her over? I`d rather have a puppy!"

---

Johnny asked his dad if he could walk their dog Fluffy.

His dad responds, "No, Fluffy is in heat and we don't need her
having puppies."

Johnny persisted in his request to walk Fluffy; so, Dad takes
a rag soaked in gasoline and proceeds to apply it to Fluffy's
backside. After which, Johnny takes Fluffy for a walk.

About a half hour later, Johnny returns home without Fluffy.

His dad asks, "Where's Fluffy?" and begins to become quite
upset.

Johnny responds "Well, Fluffy ran out of gas and a nice German
Shepherd is pushing her home!"

~~~
Little Johnny brought a box wrapped with a red ribbon, to
school, as a present for his teacher. He handed it to her. She
started to guess what was inside.

"Chocolates?" she asked.

"Nope."

"A Cake?"

Johnny shook his head, "No."

Then the teacher noticed some liquid dripping from the corner
of the box. She caught a few drops on her finger, put the
finger in her mouth, then said, "Ah, I know-dill pickles."

"No," Johnny said, "it's a puppy."


~~~

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their
parents did for a living. One little girl said her father was
a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer. When it was
Little Johnny's turn, he stood up, "My mom's a whore."

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the
principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned.

So the teacher asked, "Did you tell the principal what you
said in class?"

Johnny said, "Yes"

"Well, what did the principal say?"

"He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me
an apple and asked for my phone number."

~~~
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public
swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool,"
said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."

"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.

"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"


~~~

The math teacher noticed that Little Johnny wasn't paying
attention in class, so she called on him and said, "Johnny,
what are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and The Cartoon
Network!"

~~~~

One afternoon, little Johnny came running into the house and
asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "of course not. Only grown women can be
mommies."

Little Johnny thought for a moment, said "Okay, thanks mom,"
then ran back outside.

His mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play
that game again!"

~~~

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed
cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began
removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?

---

Little Johnny: "Mom, what kind of bird brings white babies?"

Mom: "Why, a stork, little Johnny."

Little Johnny: "Mom, what kind of bird brings black babies?"

Mom: "A raven, dear."

Little Johnny: "What kind of bird brings no babies at all?"

Mom: "A swallow!"

~~~

At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you
know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?"

"Sure," Little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the
church yard."

~~~

Little Johnny's mother asked him, "Why did you get such a low
grade on that test?"

"Because of an absence," he replied.

"You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" she
questioned.

Little Johnny replied, "No, but the kid who sits next to me
was."

~~~

Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher
singled him out.

"If I gave you $200," the teacher began, "and you gave $50 to
Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would you have?"

"An orgy!" Johnny answered with a big smile.

~~~
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6.'"

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the ****ing difference?"

"That's what I said!"

~~~

Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a bottle of
liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles. The Priest walked
up and asked him what he was doing?

Little Johnny replied, "I'm looking at the most powerful
liquid in the world."

The Priest said, "But Johnny, Holy Water is the most powerful
liquid in the world. Did you know that if you put Holy Water
on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a boy!"

Little Johnny said, "Big deal! This is turpentine. If you put
this on a cat's ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson..."

~~~

Victor

Oh help!!!!!

---

---

Changing call sign to SIERRA PAPA OSCAR OSCAR FOXTROT.

Ralthor

[QUOTELittle Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a bottle of
liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles. The Priest walked
up and asked him what he was doing?

Little Johnny replied, "I'm looking at the most powerful
liquid in the world."

The Priest said, "But Johnny, Holy Water is the most powerful
liquid in the world. Did you know that if you put Holy Water
on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a boy!"

Little Johnny said, "Big deal! This is turpentine. If you put
this on a cat's ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson..."

~~~


[/QUOTE]

roflmao. pld