Can't stop wind nor water!

Shagus · 01-06-2001 5:06pm #1

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for 40 years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting
loudly every morning when he woke. The noise would wake his wife and the
smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it
was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was
perfectly natural. She told him to see a Doctor as she was concerned that
one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to
rip them off!!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner
and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put
the turkey innards: neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a
malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs and
gently pulling back the bedcovers she pulled back the elastic waistband of
his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control
herself as she doubled over laughing with tears in her eyes. After years
of torture she reckoned she had got her revenge.

About 20 minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained
underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she
asked what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All those
years you warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?"
asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up
farting my guts out and today it finally happened.

But.....by the grace of God, some Vaseline and these two fingers, I think
I got most of them back in.