Some religious jokes

TheWolf

The priest was on his regular visit to the jail and came across three prisoners standing in the corner of the yard by themselves.
"What are you in for?" he asked the first.
"Murder" was the reply.
"And what did you get for that?"
"Life."
The priest asked the second man what he was in for.
"Fraud," he said.
"And I got 15 years."
The priest asked the third what he was in for.
"Pouring petrol over <insert race of people you don't like> and setting them alight."
"And what did you get for that?" asked the priest.
"About 15 to the gallon, Father" replies the bloke

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Pat and Mick were digging up the road outside the local knocking shop when they noticed the vicar approaching furtively before he ducked into the entrance. "Did ye see that?" said Pat. "The dirty Protestant minister sneaking in for his share o' fun. What a hypocrite." After further slagging of the vicar they began digging again when Mick saw a rabbi make a swift entry into the brothel. "Didja see that?" said Mick. "The Jews are no better." About an hour went by before they spotted Father Murphey hurry into the whorehouse . "Mick" said Pat, "take off your hat. One of those poor girls must be dying in there."

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It was Sister Niamh's job to drive into town and pick up the mail every morning but she was showing an increasing reluctance to do the job.
"Whats wrong?" asked Mother Superior, "I thought you enjoyed the daily excursion away from the convent."
"I do," said Sister Niamh "but lately a young policeman has taken to stopping me each morning."
Mother Superior said Niamh had nothing ro worry about if she didn't do anything wrong, and sent her on her way.
She had hardly driven for two minutes along the country lane when the motorcycle policeman signalled for her to stop.
"Oh no, not the breathalyser again," muttered Sister Niamh as the cop approached unzipping his fly.

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arrrrRRROOOOOOOOOOoooo...

[This message has been edited by Kharn (edited 31-05-2001).]

Kolodny

LOL Particularly the first one!

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Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

smoke.me.a.kipper

i liked the second one better!

Magwitch

Last one kicks ass!

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Keep your powder dry and your pants moist

TheWolf

ok, that looks like 1 vote for each joke so far. lets see which one gets the best response...

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arrrrRRROOOOOOOOOOoooo...

Magwitch

Young Johnny is put out to play in the garden when his mommys "special" man friend comes to visit. Mummy told him to should upstairs if Daddy was comming home early.

About an hour passed and little johnny is playing in his sand pit when he hears Daddy's car comming down the road. He shout up to Mums window but there is no reply. So little Johny runs up the stairs and bursts into here rom shouting "daddys is coming, daddy is commin", he is just in time to see A man dispaer into Mummy's wardrobe. In the confusion Mummy throughs johonny in there too.

Johnny can hear Mummy welcoming daddy down stairs. "Its very dark in here" say Johnny. "Shut up and be quite kid!" snapped the man. "Thats my dad" he says to the man. "Look, what will it take to shut you up you little jerk" whispered the man harshly."£50 should do the trick" replies Johnny smugly.

The next week little Johnny is at school and they are all taken to church for confession. Johonny goes into the confesional first. When the door closes behind him he say "it very dark in here!". The vioce on the other side of the grille says "Don't start the Sh*t again."

Dark-Ninja

lol at mag's joke.

I think the 1st one of Wolf's jokes is the best

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|** Signing Off **|
[-FI-]-Dark-Ninja-
Vice Clan Leader and Match Arranger

azezil

hmmmm the last one, i've heard variations of for ages, the second one was ok but my vote goes for no.1!

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"just because you're not paraniod, doesn't mean they're not after you!"

TheWolf

sorry Kharn, didn't think that would cause offence, just a bit of fun

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arrrrRRROOOOOOOOOOoooo...

TheWolf

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Magwitch:
Young Johnny is put out to play in the garden when his mommys "special" man friend comes to visit. Mummy told him to should upstairs if Daddy was comming home early.

About an hour passed and little johnny is playing in his sand pit when he hears Daddy's car comming down the road. He shout up to Mums window but there is no reply. So little Johny runs up the stairs and bursts into here rom shouting "daddys is coming, daddy is commin", he is just in time to see A man dispaer into Mummy's wardrobe. In the confusion Mummy throughs johonny in there too.

Johnny can hear Mummy welcoming daddy down stairs. "Its very dark in here" say Johnny. "Shut up and be quite kid!" snapped the man. "Thats my dad" he says to the man. "Look, what will it take to shut you up you little jerk" whispered the man harshly."£50 should do the trick" replies Johnny smugly.

The next week little Johnny is at school and they are all taken to church for confession. Johonny goes into the confesional first. When the door closes behind him he say "it very dark in here!". The vioce on the other side of the grille says "Don't start the Sh*t again."</font>

Dammnit, was gonna post a joke like that in the next batch. U would get there first mag!

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arrrrRRROOOOOOOOOOoooo...

Magwitch

Theres two types of joke tellers in this town boy...the quick and the jokeless.

";-)"

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Keep your powder dry and your pants moist

Shiminay

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by TheWolf:
sorry Kharn, didn't think that would cause offence, just a bit of fun</font>

np - I saw the funny side too, but just incase - you know? Keep 'em comming mate - cheers

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Dav
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sword

i think the third 1 is the best

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Stephen

What was edited out then?