A few jokes...

TheWolf

This fellow just sits down to watch the game when his wife says, "I need you to mail this letter for me right away. Go straight to the Post Office and straight back. You got it?"
So buddy is out the door. He figures if he drives fast he can stop for a quick beer and still do the Post Office thing. He enters the bar and hollers at the bartender, "give me a beer quick." As he sits down the beer arrives and he guzzles it back.
When he looks up and puts his glass down there's another beer on the table. He says, "sorry I didn't order that".
The bartenders says, "no, she did" and points to a hot, large breasted blonde at the bar.
So buddy says, "well I gotta return the favour, and sends a beer over to her." She joins him and they drink 'til the bar shuts down and he offers her a ride.
When they get to her place she says, "you may as well come up for a night-cap." When they get to her room she gives him the old, "let me slip into something more comfortable."
When she arrives she's looking real hot and one thing leads to another and they hit the sack and get busy. When he wakes up it's 6am. He looks at her and asks if she has any chalk. She says sure her roommate is a teacher. So he rubs this chalk all over his hands and heads home. As he rounds the last corner he sees all the lights on in the house and knows he's deep in it.
His wife meets him at the door and says, "straight to the Post Office and straight home, you couldn't get that right?"
He explains that he stopped for a quick beer and this gorgeous blonde bought him one so he was a gentleman and bought her one. One thing lead to another and they ended up spending the night together.
She says, "yeah right, let me see your hands." She looks at the chalk covered hands and says, "you son of a b1tch just as I thought, you've been out shootin' pool with the boys all night again haven't you?"

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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

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A ventriloquist is touring clubs in Florida. With his dummy on his knees, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the audience stands on her chair and shouts, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and from reaching our full potential!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist starts to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little b@stard sitting on your knee!"

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A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'........... so she socked me a good one."
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally said, 'You ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed, b1tch.'"

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arrrrRRROOOOOOOOOOoooo...

[This message has been edited by TheWolf (edited 09-06-2001).]

El Marco

Man where are you getting these jokes

Their great

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Lump

Love the last one


John

Oh yeah

Impressive, young Skywalker... but you need a haircut...

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"Thanks for posting your message, Oh yeah! "

- Hehe, that cracks me up. Oh yeah...