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LOL I nearly split a gut when I read this :)))

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  • 14-06-2001 3:23pm
    #1
    Shagus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 234 ✭✭


    Read this first ..

    http://www.cybercheeze.com/info/news/barneysuit.html

    150 Ways to Kill the Purple Dinosaur

    Submitted By: AngelaValleyGirl


    1. Make him watch his own show

    2. Shove his head in a floppy drive, and type "format a:"

    3. Nitroglycerin suppository

    4. Dr. Kevorkian approved suicide kit

    5. Paper cuts from hate mail

    6. Date with Lorena Bobbitt and Tonya Harding

    7. Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu

    8. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open)

    9. Barney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...BARNEY!"

    10. Children's Tylenol laced with cyanide

    11. Fed through an office paper shredder (This one requires the
    help of a part-time courier!)

    12. Bungee jumping with cord tied around neck

    13. 1000 RPM merry-go-round

    14. Tail caught in elevator doors

    15. Home lobotomy kit

    16. Swarmed by killer bees

    17. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel

    18. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow)

    19. Acupuncture with a nail gun

    20. Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven

    21. Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition!

    22. Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during re-entry

    23. Recreate the Challenger accident, with Barney playing substitute
    teacher

    24. OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full

    25. "I love you" song triggers avalanche

    26. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train

    27. Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY

    28. Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation temperature

    29. Crushed between plates in a fault line

    30. Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed into McBarney patties
    (would you like McFries with that?)

    31. Used as a crash test dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what
    can happen to you if you don't wear your seatbelt

    32. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study

    33. Plummet into an active volcano

    34. Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants (Find out if this torture
    method REALLY works!)

    35. Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer

    36. Take him off Prozac

    37. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills

    38. Spontaneous combustion

    39. Bent, folded and mutilated by the Post Office (We deliver for you!)

    40. Send him to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin

    41. The plague

    42. Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson

    43. Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop

    44. Massage with a stun gun

    45. Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie

    46. Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank

    47. Put Barney in an old Star Trek episode, in a red shirt

    48. Put Barney in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt

    49. Assimilation by the Borg

    50. Diplomatic mission to the Ferengi

    51. Paint him green & give him to Gallagher for his Sledge-o-matic

    52. Confine him with Marvin the Paranoid Android (Douglas Adams)

    53. Stick him in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge

    54. Barney scrapple

    55. Bury him next to Jimmy Hoffa

    56. Tell Tipper Gore he sings on how to masturbate

    57. Use Barney as new head of U.N. Weapons Inspection Team in Iraq!

    58. Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw

    59. Get the San Diego Chicken to kill him for REAL!

    60. Make a Barney Slinky today with one of those fancy potato spiral
    makers!

    61. Sexual battery suit involving Baby Bop

    62. Stick him in Jurassic Park for just five minutes....PLEASE!

    63. Move every third molecule 3 feet to the left

    64. Have him magically turn the classroom into a vacuum ... watch his
    body explode

    65. Sew his lips to his rectum

    66. Bury all but his head in an anthill. Cover with honey

    67. Send him to Miami in a rented car

    68. Move the set of the show to an actual inner-city classroom

    69. Let him take a New York Subway at night

    70. Tie him up, hanging from the ceiling. Give bats to little Mexican
    kids, and tell them he's a piñata Note: You can actually get piñatas
    that look like Barney at Toys R Us

    71. Tell him Jimmy Hoffa was a bad man and he should tell it to the
    Teamsters

    72. Send him to Cuba with a T-shirt saying "Fidel Sucks"

    73. Strap him to the back of a Ford Pinto, then rear-end it into the
    side of a GMC truck

    74. Drop him from a bridge onto the in-bound lane of the Boston
    Expressway

    75. Slap some antlers on his head and send him into the woods during
    November

    76. Nail his feet to his shoulders and use him as the Jamaican bobsled
    in the 1998 Winter Olympics

    77. Take him into space and put him into a decaying orbit

    78. Make him the next astronaut to go to Space Station Mir

    79. Toss him into a blast furnace

    80. Tell the kids of the world that Barney wants you to eat your
    vegetables

    81. There is the old "Cement Overshoes", but that could be considered
    water pollution

    82. Make him write, "I will not be a demon sent from the lowest depths
    of hell" 100 times with a piece of chalk only 1/4 inch long

    83. Lob a can of Nitro-nine under his purple butt

    84. Have him stand under the space shuttle during the next launch

    85. Send him to Africa as famine relief

    86. Target practice

    87. Send him on a candlelight tour of the Wilson Dynamite factory

    88. Cruise missile target

    89. Let Saddam Hussein use Barney as human shield

    90. "Charlie Manson? This is your new cell-mate."

    91. Take him bungee jumping. Forget to secure bungee cord

    92. Cast him in place of Mr. Bill on "The Mr. Bill Show"

    93. Cut off his arms and say "Where's that 'great big hug' *now*!?!"

    94. Use him as evidence to prove that the acceleration of gravity is 9.8
    m/s2 on Earth. Oh! and make sure that it is off of the Sears tower
    too

    95. Bazooka blast to the cranium

    96. Nuclear Bombs. Nuff said

    97. Drown him in gasoline and then set it ablaze

    98. Freeze him with liquid nitrogen, and repeat step 70

    99. See if liquid helium has similar effects

    100. Microwave ovens work wonders

    101. Have him climb trees near overhead power lines

    102. Let HIM tell the baseball leagues they're not getting their raise

    103. Tell the Menedez Boys he is in cahoots with their parents

    104. DRANO milkshakes

    105. Have him apply at Oscar Meyer as "Hot Dog Filler"

    106. Make him wear a pentagram and send him to a Baptist church

    107. Let him drink the water in Guadalahara

    108. Make him tell Rush Limbaugh he's a sissy

    109. A Black Hole

    110. "Gee Mr. Barkley, I can play basketball better than you......."

    111. Give him the box from Hellraiser and tell him it's a Rubix Cube

    112. Fill the sandbox with quicksand

    113. Tie him under a huge magnifying glass on a real sunny day

    114. Put him in an old car that's being put in the crusher

    115. Introduce him to a pit bull

    116. Stuff him down the garbage disposal

    117. Give him drowning lessons

    118. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife

    119. Harpooned by a whaling ship

    120. Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength of
    Barney?

    121. Use Barney as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases

    122. Send him to a cannibal infested island

    123. Make him stick his head in a paper shredder, or a garbage disposal,
    or a lawn mower

    124. Tie him to the back of a semi. Drive over very hard surfaces

    125. Send him so Spain for "The running of the bulls" Tie weights to
    his feet

    126. Throw him in a shark pit

    127. Throw him in a alligator pit

    128. Send him to Africa wearing KKK clothes

    129. Give Barney a gasoline shower and then make him smoke.

    130. Get a doctor to prescribe him Redux, or Phen-fen

    131. Tell Newt Gingrich that Barney's on welfare and watch him go nuts

    132. Tell Michael Jackson there is a little boy inside the costume

    133. Perform dentistry on him with a Black & Decker drill, using a
    really big bit

    134. Force feed him Hudson River water

    135. Force feed him Chicago River water

    136. Lower him into a vat of acid, an inch an hour

    137. Bury him up to his neck on the beach at low tide

    138. Bury him up to his neck in your yard, and run over him with the
    lawnmower

    139. Stuffing is flammable

    140. Electric chair pre-execution tester

    141. See how much current you can send through him before he gets
    toasted

    142. Substitute the cameras on his show with anti-matter accelerators

    143. Drown him in a waste treatment plant

    144. Get him to clean up Superfund sites, without protective gear

    145. Make him drink the ink of 40,000 Marsh 88 markers

    146. Toss meat sauce on him and then leave him at a dog pound

    147. Tell Barney there's a trampoline at the bottom of the Grand Canyon

    148. Tell him that Baby Bop left him for Dudley the Dragon

    149. Show him your "super-de-duper" Smith and Wesson

    150. Pour honey on him in front of a bear




Comments

  • Options
    #2
    Puck
    Registered Users Posts: 1,783 ✭✭✭Puck


    I'm not reading all that! My God if it got any more boring my heart would stop!
    John (yes THE John!)
    "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."

    [This message has been edited by Puck (edited 14-06-2001).]


  • Options
    #3
    tHE vAGGABOND
    Registered Users Posts: 6,687 ✭✭✭tHE vAGGABOND


    classic, classic, classic


  • Options
    #4
    Shagus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 234 ✭✭Shagus


    The 150 or the Lawsuit thingy? wink.gif



  • Options
    #5
    El Marco
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,031 ✭✭✭El Marco


    Busted a gut...................No..................Maybe just a toe-nail................ frown.gif
    (Insert quote here)


  • Options
    #6
    Bard
    Registered Users Posts: 12,309 ✭✭✭✭Bard


    Pthhh...

    I got practically that exact same lawsuit threat by email from the exact same people for a nasty site I had about Barney. Thought it was hilarious at the time, so I did, that Barney the dinosaur's representatives were threatening to sue me smile.gif

    ...following on from it, I had a really interesting conversation with that solicitor fellah Mr. Carlin about American, Irish and International Law, jurisdiction, Barney himself, copyright issues, the possibility of prosecution for threatening behaviour, the unfortunate unfriendliness of a lot of the wording of the legal letters he sent me, and so on and so forth... even went as far as to mention that the address he had quoted me (the address of the nasty Barney site I wrote) was not in fact a URL, because he had left out the "http://" (Seems they haven't learned from that, by the looks of this letter...). He took my criticisms fairly well, in fairness, and recognised me, I guess, as someone who doesn't back down when they know they're right. He was quoting all the wrong laws to me.

    They ended up backing off in my case - but I ended up taking down the site anyway. I had forgotten that I had it up there in the first place, - and it was tacky and tasteless and not exactly a brilliant advertisement for my services as a professional web developer!!!

    Thanks for reminding me smile.gif ... got a laugh out of that episode, so I did!
    Bard
    Does exactly what it says on the tin.

    [This message has been edited by Bard (edited 14-06-2001).]


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