vinces diary

blackbelt

i've decided to make a comedy skit on vince and the wwe.each week i will post a new episode.i hope it brings in some good ratings.we can compare them to smackdown and raw and you can tell me if you would rather read something like this spoof show or wwe on tv.which would be more enteraining.

vince is backstage at raw.

hbk:vince im glad to see you
vm:aah hbk,my friend.good to see you.wheres jeff hardy?
hbk:he's playing extreme scalectrix with eugene.
vm:damn hardy.
hbk:i wouldnt blame jeff,eugene keeps going double or quits.eugene is also slagging you behind your back and using a toy corvette just like your old one that stone cold destroyed.
vm:why i havent seen such ruthless aggression since gerald briscoe won the hardcore championship.
hbk:i know vince.please dont tell anyone i ratted them up to you.
vm:tell them they are jobbing to yours truly in a handicap match.
hbk:ok

vinny mac goes to his office

jr:vince good to see you
vm:always a pleasure.wheres HHH?
jr:you gave him the day off from his duties.
vm:oh yeah..i did..how stupid of me.
jr:i was talking to bam bam bigelow last night and he wants to return.
vm:oh does he? please go on.
jr:he said if you'll have him back his return would be an open challenge.

vinny mac goes to his file cabinet
vm:you know jr this is what we need at the moment.see these ratings...they are the worst ever and u know why?cause wwe is not trying anymore.i think what we need is an inferno match pitting you against bam bam.
jr:what?im not a wrestler
vm:who said anything bout wrasslin?bam bam will eat a chicken vindaloo and you will eat a jalopeno pepper covered in your ol bbq sauce.each man will have turns at farting at each other.the man who sets his opponent on fire wins.
jr:vince thats not in my job description.
vm:shuuut up.listen whoever wins it don't matter.im gonna go down there and fire bam bams ass (thinking bubble)...(which would make me the winner of the inferno match)
jr gulps with nervousness.

vm:now whats next on the agenda.
jr:macho man says he won't return to wwe at wrestlemania for the retirement home tag match with nacho man,hookster and hulk hogan.he says he has beef with everyone in that match and he said nacho man keeps trying to hump his leg.
vm:damn savage got beef with everyone.he's a walking butcher.screw him.next

jr:bret hart called you a hyena.
vm:whats new? everyone is a "hyenaaw" according to him.next.

jr:stone cold wants tess broussard in a shoot match.
vm:book it.next.
jr:lex luger.....
vm:next
jr flicks his notes to the 2nd last page.

jr:abyss from tna is selling balloons on ebay with a cross going through wwe.
vm:who?oh yes tna.dont worry its a lawsuit.next.
jr:who are we going to induct into the hall of fame this year?
vm:i was thinking more like...who's going to be inducted into the vince mcmahon kiss my ass club?
jr:well i.ve done it on more than several occasions so im in?
vm:yes you are but i need more wrestlers.RVD isn't busy.he's injured so i'll get him to fly over to msg where he can kiss my ass.i don't take lightly what he did not going to iraq and what he said about watching real wrestling on tna and ring of honour.

jr:what are our plans for the next movie we(wwe) are making.
vm:well i want to buy out the alien franchise and use it to its full potential.i always wanted to be weylands brother.i mean can you see lance henrikson and vince mcmahon fighting the alien?
jr:that would be a slobber knocker.
vm:yes it would.....for me and my bank account.

john cena walks in

vm:john,i didnt expect to see you here!!!
jc:you cant see me!!!
vm:oh yes i can john,you are taking that predator role too seriously.you are the human,not the predator remember.
jr:wwe is going hollywood.
vm:now cena what brings you here?
jc: i just wanted to say that if you get in the way of my acting career that i'll knock you out and make you eat my sh$t.
jr:come on now

jc starts rapping

jc: yo jr...try to claim every p-status
thats ok you definately the fattest.
your losing weight up in the face
your face and cheeks look less rounded
i think your ass definitely found it.

vm laugh

jc: hey its the boss
i kick his ass with some dental floss.

vm:eeh i have to cut you short there cena.i have to go to a meeting

vince leaves red faced and the camera closes up on john cena and jr as we go off the air

Stalfos

really good, keep them coming

The Fitz

Can't wait til next week, possible sticky I bet if you can keep it going. thumbs up

fitzy

Roar

yeah that made me laugh well done!

Kio

very good
cant wait