A classic

nanook

As all of you are well aware, online computers are often use to engage in cybersex. Detailed and erotic fantasies are
typed into the computer to beinstantly transmitted over the Internet.
>Sometimes these harmless fantasies become fairly raunchy. Either this guy is clueless or has the greatest sense of humor known to mankind.

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini skirt and high heeled boots. I am tan and very buffed. I workout everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 lb.I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and
candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and
kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in
pleasure. The cool silk slides off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing and pulling.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft
breasts are rising and falling as I breathe
harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do you have scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air
caresses my breasts, my nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I
just want to feel yourtongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my
breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse
from you and throwing it in the corner of the room.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants
down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My
tongue is going all over, in and out and nibbling on you. ummm, wait a second.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my
throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm
turning all red.

Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups??

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.

Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark, I'm lost. Where is the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end
of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off?

Wellhung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the nightstand.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom

Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark.
I'm feeling around for the toilet and lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle.
Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I just realized I peed in your hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know,
thing in your umm, woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It
feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm having a little problem here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another second.
Slide it in! Screw me!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an
erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.

Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting
dressed, I'm putting on my
underwear and my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait. I can't find the night
table. I'm reaching acrossthe
dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your
picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm
putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm
pointing at it with a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire!

Nooooooo!

LegacyUser

Ohh dear god I was nealy in tears Very Very good

nanook

thanks crash
a bit over the top but thanks

red_ice

CLASSIC !!!

Im gonna find a porno site that i can do that in...

That looks like a laff!!!!
LOL


Great idea!!


Red.

People we have a contender!

Karl Hungus

MY GOD THAT'S FUNNY!!!

Mantel

hehe, had me laughing for awhile.

I wouldn't say he was Clueless, but that Sweetheart seems a bit desperate though

[This message has been edited by Mantel (edited 19-07-2001).]

nanook

a contender
a contender
i am not a contender
what am i a contender for

richindub2

Gah, 3rd time in the last few months ive clicked a topic expecting it to be good and found the exact same thing

---

*cough*
daves l33t site 0wns j00.

RopeDrink

That was... quite funny... No sorry, it was very funny...

.ak

Heh. I saw that 'article' on the net a long time ago, when I was searching for.. er... er... 'funny' cyber articles. Really.

Heheh, tis funny allright.

/me screams like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yee!

-Dark-Angel-

TheWolf

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by richindub2:
Gah, 3rd time in the last few months ive clicked a topic expecting it to be good and found the exact same thing

</font>

leave it out rich, the lad has only been here a few days. Good un, nanook, got that one in the mail and was going to post it, but it seems you got there first. Well done, m8

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"Some would say the refridgerator is half full, some would say half empty, I simply say WHO ATE MY PIZZA!!!"

Sliotar

so you dont make up all your own jokes, i'll never have the same respect for you again...

richindub2

Heh, hard to see without the Date Registered thingy on the left, i couldnt be arsed clicking his profile Didnt mean it as a flame anyway, just pointing it out

---

*cough*
daves l33t site 0wns j00.

richindub2

Oh and its [.b] [./b] for bold sliotar (Without the dots, pretty obviously )

[edit]Feer my lack of typing skillz!

---

*cough*
daves l33t site 0wns j00.


[This message has been edited by richindub2 (edited 20-07-2001).]

Yo Mamma

This was taken from the "Victems" section of this site.

There is a whole slew of transcripts of Internet chatroom conversations ! That one is good but there are Loads of better ones on there !

I posted one ages ago and it was locked down in record time

nanook

explain

TheWolf

Locked Down - When a mod think a post is getting a leeeeedle out of hand, he can lock it, which means no more replies can be posted. Usually happens when a flame warbreaks out...

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"Some would say the refridgerator is half full, some would say half empty, I simply say WHO ATE MY PIZZA!!!"

red_ice

Nanook, dont make me b1tch slap you
I own you you n00b!
We have a contender for the biggest l00s3r on boards is what i was talking about HaR HaR!

Sorry people, im half asleep here.

Red.