Anti women jokes

stu_69

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven!

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you're
gonna want to shoot it.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course ..... at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them
apart.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Why did the woman cross the road ?
The answer isn't important here.
What is important is why wasn't she at home in the kitchen ?

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.

Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
by 99%. Wedding cake.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and
rested. Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

My wife and I are inseparable.
In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

Why do men die before their wives?
Because they want to.

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.

A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
said
"I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at Him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted".
Nextday he received a hundred letters. They all said the samething:
"You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.