And More Little johnny

stu_69

Two litte boys are talking to each other when the older boy, Little Tommy, gets up and
walks over to his Grandpa and says,
"Grandpa, please make a frog noise."

The Grandpa says, "No."

Little Tommy goes on,
"Please .. please .. make a frog noise."

The Grandpa says,
"No, now go play."

Little Tommy then says to his younger brother, Little Johnny,
"Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise."

So Little Johnny goes to his Grandpa and says,
"Please make a frog noise."

The Grandpa says sternly,
"I just told your brother NO and I'm telling you NO."

Little Johnny says,
"Please .. please .. Grandpa make a frog noise."

The Grandpa curiously asks,
"Why do you want me to make a frog noise?"

Then, Little Johnny replied,
"Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!"




A father came home from a long business trip to find his son, Little Johnny,
riding a new 21 speed mountain bike. So he asked,
"Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300," .

"Easy, Dad," Little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."

"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."

"That is the truth," Little Johnny replied. "Every night you were gone, Mom's boss,
Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to
take a hike!"




A telemarketer calls up one evening and Little Johnny answers the phone and whispers, "Hello?" The telemarketer asks, "Can I speak to your mother, little boy?" Little Johnny says, "No. She's busy." The telemarketer asks to speak to Little Johnny's father. "You can't talk to him either," Johnny whispers. "He's busy too." "Is there anyone else there I can talk to?" the telemarketer asks. "A policeman," Little Johnny whispers, "but he's kinda busy too." "What on earth are all those people doing?" the telemarketer asks. "They're looking for me!"


Little Johnny was at school and the class started playing the name game. The teacher calls out "A"...Johnny has his hand up but the teacher won't call on him because Johnny always has something nasty to say, so she calls on Little Susie. "A is for apple teacher". "That's good Susie...now B". Johnny again has his hand up but the teacher knows better than to call on him...she calls on Little Mikey instead. "B is for bicycle teacher". "Very good Mikey" teacher exclaims. So, for each letter that teacher calls out, Johnny has his hand up for every single one, but never gets called on. Finally, the teacher arrives at the letter W. Johnny again has his hand raised high but no one else. Teacher thinks and cannot think of anything bad that begins with the letter W. "Okay Johnny...W". "W is for womb teacher". Teacher says "Awww Johnny...is that like little baby Jesus in the womb?" Johnny replies "Hell no teach! It's like two elephants ****ing! WHOOM WHOOM WHOOM!"


Another day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit.

"Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of
fruit,
and you tell what fruit I'm talking about."
"Okay, first: it's round, plump and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely
ignored
him
and picked Deborah, who promptly answered, "An apple."
"No, Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the
second.
It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is
hopping up
and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But
she
skips him again and calls on Billy.
"Is it a peach?"
No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking. Here's
another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about
to
explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again
and
calls on Sally.
"A banana," she says.
"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've
got
one
for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it:
it's
round, hard, and it got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!



Johny's gotta potty

Little Johny was sitting in class when he had to go to the restroom. He raised his hand and asked the teacher to go. The teacher, knowing he never pays attention in class decided to embarass him. Okay, Johnny...you can go if you recite your ABC's, like the rest of the class has been doing. So Johnny recited "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z. Now may i go?". That was incorrect Johnny, said the teacher. Where's the P? "Running down my leg".



One day little Johnny was walking down the hall and he noticed his dad was having a shower.
Johnny:Can i play with little Bobby?
Dad:Not right now i'm taken a shower.
So later on Johnny was in the kitchen with his dad and he asked again if he could play with little Bobby but his dad said not right now.
So that night johnny sneaked into his dads room and whispered can i play with little bobby.His dad was half asleep and said yes.When Johnnys dad woke up he was in hospital.
DAD:aaaah where the hell am i.
Johnny:Your in hospital.
Johnnys dad looks down his pants.
DAD:**** where has little bobby gone?!!!!!!!!
Johnny:Well i started playing with little bobby but then he spat at me so i cut him off.


It was the first day of grade 1 for little Jonny! His teacher asked him what his name was and he answered I don't know! The teacher said that his homework for tonight was to learn his name, so little Jonny wen't home and turned on the T.V. and heard fu**. Then he flicked the channel and heard bit**. Then he flicked the channel again and heard I wan't to have it with you! Then he flicked the channel again and heard, SUPERMAN!
The next day he wen't to school, and the teacher asked him what his name was and he answered fu**. The teacher said go to the office and Little Jonny called her a bit**.
He wen't to the office and the principil asked him what he was doing there and he said he wanted to do it with him! The principil said who do you think you are? And Little Jonny answered SUPERMAN!


Little Johnny woke up one night to go to the bathroom. When he walked in he saw his dad putting on a rubber and ask what he was doing,little Johnnys dad repiled UMM!! Im trying to catch a mouse,little Johnny looked at his dad and said,what are going to do when you catch it, have sex with it.....


Ones little Susie got monthly bleeding firstly in her life.
Having failed to get what was going on and having been scared
she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny that'd been her friend
and ask, whether he know anything about it. So she did.
Having found Johnny she told and showed 'em what her problem was.
Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "I'm not a doctor but it looks like
someone's torn your balls off."



It was Career day at school. The teacher asked the children in the class to come up in turn and tell the rest of the class what their father does for a living and spell it. The first little girl came up and said
"My Dad is a Baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he was here right now he would give us all a cookie" "Very good Susie" replied the teacher. The teacher called on Sammy next
"My dad is a Banker, b -a -n -k -e -r, and if he were here right now he would give all of us a quarter!" "Very good!" replied the teacher. Next the teacher called on Peter. Peter stood in front of the class and said "My Dad is an electrician, e-l-c-k-i...I give up!" The teacher noticed little Johnny in the back squirming in his chair saying "pick me!
pick me!" so she reluctantly called on him. Little Johnny stood up and said " My Dad is a Bookie, b- o- o- k- i- e, and if he were here right now he would lay us all 10-to-1 odds that Peter will never spell electrician!"


Little Johnny went to France in a student exchange program. After two & a half months he forgot all his english.When he came home after three monhts,he went to school and his teacher told him to get three words from home.he went to the airport to drop off the other exchange student. He saw a sign saying "take off" & so he memorised it. He then went to the zoo as a treat from his parents. He saw the sign by the zebra & memorised the word "zebra". He then went to an orphanage as a lesson to what happens to kids when their parents abandon them. There he saw a sign saying baby so,he memorised it. He went to school the next day & his teacher asked him what his words were. He answered with a french accent "take off zebra baby"(take off the bra baby).


Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night,
in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping,
he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act.

Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims
"Oh, boy! Horsey ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"

Daddy, relieved that Little Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions,
and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Little Johnny hops on
and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.
Suddenly, Little Johnny cries out,
"Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman
usually get bucked off!"




A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day.
It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.
Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly
turned and asked,
"What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for 3 days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title
the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there
is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,
"What's so funny Billy?"

"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more
severe, "I don't want to see you for 3 weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again.
So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from
another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

To which Little Johnny replies,
"Well Miss, from what I just saw, my school days are over."




Little Johnny at The Nude Beach

Little Johnny and his parents went to a nude beach. As Little Johnny
walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the women had breasts
bigger than his mother's, so he asked her why. She told her son,
"The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

Little Johnny, pleased with the answer, went to play in the ocean but
returned to tell his mother that many of the men had larger members than
his dad. Little Johnny's mother replied,
"The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

Again satisfied with the answer, Little Johnny returned to the ocean to play.
Shortly afterward, the Little Johnny returned again. He promptly told his mother,
"Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."



Little Johnny and the house's mortgage...

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy
him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Little Johnny's father said,
"Johnny, we have a $100,000 mortgage on the house, and
you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."

Christmas came around, and Little Johnny asked again. His father said,
"Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about
that. Ask me again some other time."

Well, about three days later, Little Johnny was seen walking out of the
house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father felt sorry for
him, and asked him why he was leaving. Little Johnny said,
"Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you're
yelling that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you
should wait because she was coming too, "And I'll be DAMNED
if I get stuck with a $100,000 mortgage!"




Little Johnny was setting in class doing math problems.
Suddenly his teacher asks him: Johnny if there is three
birds on a fens, and you toke your gun and shots one of
them, how many would be left?

Johnny answered non-the rest would fly away.
Then the teacher said no the right answer is two,
but I like the way you're thinking.

Five minuets after Johnny said to his teacher:
If there where three women walking in to a ice cream shop,
each one them bays a ice-cream cone. The first one was
licking the cone the 2´nd is biting the cone and the last
one was sucking the cone.
Witch one of them is married? Johnny said.


The one, who was sucking the cone, She said.

No the right answer is the one with her wedding ring on
her finger,
But I like the way you're thinking.




One day little Johnnie(2 years old) asked his daddy who was in the bathroom peeing and little Johnnie said, "Daddy how do you pee?" His daddy said, "1:Unzip your pants 2:Pill it out 3:Pull the skin back 4:Pee 5:Push the skin back over 6:Put it back in your pants 7:Zip it up." So later that day little Johnnie was in the bathroom and his daddy just happened to walk by and here Johnnie in the bathroom saying, "3,5 3,5 3,5"


One day, little Johnny went to school and the teacher told
everyone to tell her which body part goes to heaven first.
" I think think that your heart goes to heaven first,
because you have to love God with your heart." "Very good!"
the teacher said. "yes Eric," she said. I think that your
mind goes to heaven first because you need your mind to
believe in God" "Great!" said the teacher. Sure enough,
the teacher saw little Johnny's hand up and had no choice
but to call on him. "yes Johnny" " I think that your feet
go to heaven first." Why is that Johnny?" the teacher asked
"because everytime I go into my parents room at night, my
mom always has her feet up screaming 'OH, God, Im coming!"



The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade
them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"

A small voice, Little Johnny's, from the back of the room rang out,
"And there's the teacher; ...she's old and wrinkled"


Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place
of his regular teacher. She says
"Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember
it has an "r" after the first letter"

The entire class says" Hello Mrs. Prussy" A few days later the regular teacher
is still sick When Johny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.

Little Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher
"I Remember it has an "R" after the first letter".

"That's right" she coaxed. Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says "Mrs. Crunt?"




Johnny and his father were walking through the park. Johnny suddenly killed a bee. Johnny's father said "son since you killed that bee you shall not get any honey for a year" Him and Johnny started walking again then Johnny killed a butterfly. Johnny's father said to him "son since you killed that butterfly you shall not get and butter for a year" When Johnny and his father got home Johnny's mother had dinner on the table waiting for them. They all sat down and Johnny's mother saw a ****roach on the floor. She picked up her shoe and killed it. Johnny said " dad should I tell her??.......


Little johnny and his mom where at the bank and a fat lady was in front of them. Little johnny said wow i bet her butt is this{

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} big. she turned around around, and johnny said wow she has 5 chins johnnys mom said some people are very unfortunet. all of a sudden the ladys beeper went off and johnny said look out mom shes backing up!


Johnny went on a field trip but the weather was bad so the class stayed in the hotel he was in the same room as the teacher in the middle of the night the teacher felt something she found out it was johnny and johnny said can i sleep with you the teacher said no but johnny said his mommy let him sleep with her so the teacher said ok johnny asked if he could touch the teachers bellybutton but the teacher said no so johnny said his mommy let him so the teacher said johnny could do what ever johnnys mom let him do after a while the teacher said thats not my bellybutton and little johnny said thats not my finger.


little Jonhney is sitting in school when the teacher decides to ask the class a question... she told the class that if somebody could answer the "question of the week" that he or she would'nt have to come to school on Monday.The first question, she asked is , how many grains of sand is on any giving beach?!!! which nobody can answer,so she said "see all of you on Monday"!...The next week came by , Friday, she asked the class, how many trees are in any giving forest?!!!agian, nobody can answer that either.. so Little Johney thought of a plan, that day he went home and got two of his dad's ping pong balls and painted them black. After they dryed he put them in his back pack..Friday of the third week came along and the teacher started to ask the "question of the week" right as she began to speak, little Johney took the ping pong balls out of his bag and rolled them to the front of the class, and the teacher asked "OK, who's the comeydian with the black balls?".... Johney stood up and said "Bill Cosby" .. "see you on Tuesday teach!!!!!"


Little Johnny was in school and had a wallet full of money with him. When the day was over, he went to ask his teacher a question.

"Teacher, can I go home with you?"

"No."

"I'll give you $50."

"Well, okay."

At the teacher's house, the teacher decides to take a shower.

"Teacher, can I take a shower with you?"

"No."

"I'll give you $50."

"Well, okay."

After their shower, the teacher was making a place on the couch for Little Johnny to sleep, but Little Johnny had to ask another question.

"Teacher, can't I just be in your bed with you tonight?"

"No!"

"I'll give you $50."

"Well, okay."

In bed, Little Johnny had to ask something else.

"Teacher can I get on top of you?"

"NO!"

"I'll give you another $50."

" Well, okay."

When Little Johnny was comfortable, he asked yet another question.

"Teacher, can I put my finger in your belly button?"

"NO!!!!!!"

I'll give you $50."

"Well......... okay. Wait, that's not my belly button, Johnny.

"Well that's not my finger."

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I am Jacks complete lack of surprise