Limericks(warning)

stu_69

Some of these could be risky..sorry I have not had a chance to read through them all p)

There was a young farmer from Delhi
Whose thing reduced lovers to Jelhi
He had them in bed, in the barn and the shed,
but alone he just came on his Belhi
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There once was a whore from Peru
Who filled her pussy with glue
She said with a grin
If they'll pay to get in
Then they'll pay to get out of me too!
=====
There once was a Lady from Madras,
who had a magnificent ass
it was not round, rosey
and pink as you think
But had long ears and ate grass.
=====
There once was a man from Bombay
Who raped an ape in the hay.
The result was most horrid,
All ******* and no forehead
Eight balls and a purple toupee!

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There one was a man named Magruder,
Who lived with a stripper and whood her,
She said it was rude, to get whood in the nude,
So Magruder got ruder, and screwder!
=====
The breasts of a barmaid of Crale
Were tattooed with the price of brown ale
And on her behind for the sake of the blind
Was the same information in Braille.
=====
There once was a man from Fort Myers
Who wrapped his balls up in wire
He flicked the switch
And oh what a Bit(h
His Balls began to catch fire
=====
In the Garden of Eden laid Adam,
Complacently strokin' his madam.
Great was his mirth,
For on all of the Earth.
There were only two balls and he had 'em.
=====
There once was an employee named Ross
Who was fired one day by his boss
Because he was found
With his pants on the ground
Dripping nasty stuff into the sauce
=====
There was a young lady named Rose
Who'd occasionally straddle a hose,
And parade about squirting
And spouting and spurting,
Pretending she ****ed like her beaux

She was seen by her cousin named Anne,
Who improved the original plan.
She said, "My dear Rose,
In this lowly old hose
Are all the best parts of a man."

So, avoiding the crude and sadistic,
She frigged in a manner artistic:
At the height of her pleasure
She turned up the pressure,
And cried, "Ain't it grand and realistic!"

They soon told the Duchess of Fyfe,
And her crony, the alderman's wife;
And they found it so pleasing,
And tickling and teasing
That they washed men right out of their life.

It was tried by the great Mrs. Biddle,
And she said to her husband, "Go fiddle!
Here's double the fun,
And you get three in one---
A ducking, a douche and a diddle."

It was tried by the dancer, Di Basle,
Whose k**t was just made for a nozzle.
She said, "I admit
It's an elegant fit,
But of course it won't do for the ar$e 'ole."

It was tried by the Duchess of Porter,
And passed on by her to her daughter,
Who said, "With a leman
You're fearful of semen,
But a f*(*'s as effective with water."

Thus writes Lady Vanderbilt-Horsett,
Who invented the Lonely-Maid's Corset:
"I thought all vicarious
****ing precarious.
I was wrong. It's a whiz. I endorse it."

Soon in Paris, on the Boulevard Salique,
Yous should purchase (complet avec talic,
Pour soixante francs cinq)
A short hose and a tank,
And they call it Le ****eur Hydraulique.
=====
There once was a man from Caldare
Who was ****ing this chick on the stair
the banister broke,
he doubled his stroke,
and finished her off in mid-air.
=====
There once was a man from Saskatoon
who took a ride in a hot-air balloon
he f***ed all the stars from Venus to Mars
and corn-holed the man in the Moon
=====
There once was a queen from Bulgariar
whose bush grew hairier and hairier
a prince from Peru came up for a screw
and had too hunt for her (**+ with a terrier.


[This message has been edited by stu_69 (edited 07-08-2001).]

leeroybrown

There once was a girl called Lil,
Who fu.cked dynamite sticks for the thrill.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And bits of her tits in Brazil.

---

"I'd rather have a bottle infront of me than a frontal lobotamy"