Collexion (i find it hard to title things)

Qualm

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checks his
dossier and says, "Ah, sorry, you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty
soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell,
and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've
got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer
is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer,
"So, how's it going down there?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air
conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling
what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake --
he should never have been sent down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and
I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue!"
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just
where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

---

SIXTH GRADERS

The 6th grade science teacher asked her class, "Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered for a long time until little Mary stood up, angry, and
said the teacher should not be asking 6th graders a question like
that. She was going to tell her parents, who would tell the principal
who would fire the teacher!

The teacher ignored her and asked the question again. "Which body
part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Finally Billy stood up and said that the body part that increases 10
times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.

The teacher said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and said,
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: Number one, you
have a dirty mind. Number two, you didn't read your homework. And
number three, one day, you will be very, very disappointed."

---

Sayings for a rainy day...
1.. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2.. A day without sunshine is like, night.
3.. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4.. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5.. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6.. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7.. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8.. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.
9.. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
10.. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11.. Remember half the people you know are below average.
12.. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
13.. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
14.. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
15.. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16.. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
17.. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
18.. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
19.. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
20.. I intend to live forever -- so far so good.
21.. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
22.. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
23.. Mind like a steel trap -- rusty and illegal in 37 states.
24.. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
25.. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26.. Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have.
27.. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going
the wrong way.
28.. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
29.. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
30.. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it