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Homer Simpson Quotations

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  • 09-08-2001 9:37am
    #1
    stu_69
    Registered Users Posts: 568 ✭✭✭


    These have been emailed to me 3 times this week so I though I better chuck em up here...


    Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not
    whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get.

    Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or
    the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when
    they bark, they shoot bees at you?

    Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably.
    The lesson is, never try.

    It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled
    child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of
    TV a day.

    Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal
    again? What about bacon?
    Lisa: No.
    Homer: Ham?
    Lisa: No!
    Homer: Pork chops?
    Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
    Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa.
    A wonderful... magical animal.

    Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the
    Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?
    Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?
    Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper!
    Homer: Oh, now who's being naive?

    Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out
    something old! Remember that time I took a home
    wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
    Marge: That's because you were drunk!
    Homer: And how!

    Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, beer
    kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that...
    building...thingie... where our beds and TV... is.

    Operator! Give me the number for 911!

    Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss?
    Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with
    the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

    Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why
    you're here?
    Homer's brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.
    Homer: Ummm... revenge?
    Homer's brain: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here.
    (step step step step step...slam)

    Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you,
    but let's get through this thing and then I can continue
    killing you with beer.
    Homer's Brain: It's a deal!

    Homer: But Marge! I was a political prisoner!
    Marge: How were you a political prisoner?
    Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw
    you a picture?

    Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they
    smell good, and
    you'd step over your own mother just to get
    one! (chugs beer)

    Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible
    curse.
    Homer: Ooo, that's bad.
    Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frozen yoghurt!
    Homer: That's good!
    Old man: The frozen yoghurt is also cursed.
    Homer: That's bad.
    Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings!
    Homer: That's good!
    Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate...
    Homer: (confused look)
    Old man: That's bad.
    Homer: Can I go now?

    Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say
    you're prejudiced against all races.

    Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
    Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
    Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
    Homer: Okay, I will!

    Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police
    academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that
    movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and
    disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.

    Marge: Homer, did you call the audience "Chicken"?
    Homer: No! I swear on this bible!
    Marge: That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples.
    Homer: Mmmm... fuzzy.

    Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
    Homer: Did you wreck the car?
    Bart: No.
    Homer: Did you raise the dead?
    Lisa: Yes.
    Homer: But the car's okay?
    Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
    Homer: All right then.

    Mmmmm... reprocessed pig fat...

    (praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As
    an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you
    wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign
    whatsoever... thy bidding will be done (munch munch munch).

    What's the point of going out? We're just going to
    wind up back here anyway.

    Homer: Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike!
    You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.


Comments

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    #2
    adnans
    Registered Users Posts: 1,967 ✭✭✭adnans


    always welcome here! smile.gif
    (perfect thread to test out my new sig)

    adnans
    kent brockman: "... and while we're speaking of well educated manner they tend to use low brow expressions like 'oh Yeah' and 'come here a minute'.
    homer: "oh yeah!, they think they're better then us. bart, come here a minute!"
    bart: "you come here a minute"
    homer "oh yeahhh!"


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