Arsen*l Jokes

stu_69

There's an Arsenal fan, Man United fan and Liverpool fan... All working on the building site of a new London skyscraper.

At lunchtime, they all get their sandwiches and look at the filling.

The Man Utd fan says, "Urrghh - Jam sandwiches, I hate jam."

The Liverpool fan says, "Argghh spam! - I hate spam!".

The Arsenal fan in turn says, "Cheese?? I hate cheese!"

On Day 2, they get their sandwiches out at lunchtime as usual.

Man Utd fan says, "Not jam again! Once more and I will jump off the building from the highest point."

The Liverpool fan says, "If I get spam again, I'm with you."

Once again the Arsenal fan in turn says, "If I have cheese again, I'll jump too."

Sure enough on day 3, their sandwiches are exactly the same.

Man Utd fan says, "Oh well, bye lads," and jumps.

Liverpool fan follows, so does the Arsenal fan. At the funeral, the three wives of the men are talking.

The Man Utd fan's wife and the Liverpool's fan wife say, "Well he only had to ask....".

The Arsenal fan's wife pipes up, "I can understand with you two, but my husband made his own sandwiches."

A gooner fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his gooner shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a spurs scarf.

"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no gooners in heaven."

"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.

"You heard, no gooners."

"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the gooner

"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"

"Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa".

"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"

"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."

"Hmmm. Anything else?"

"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."

"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."

Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now f**k off".

The Spurs squad are on their way to the local derby at Highbury - whilst puffing merrily away on a cigarette Sergei Rebrov, feeling somewhat confident, suggests that he could take the entire Arsenal team on, on his own.

After a quick discussion the players decide that they could do with an afternoon in the pub so they stop and let him wander off to Highbury on his own.

In the Bell and Hare at about 3. 45 Sol remembers the game and asks the barman to put on Ceefax so he can check how Daveeeeed is getting on.

Spurs are 1-0 up with Sergei scoring in the 30th minute - all relaxed, the lads get back to their pints.

They check again at about 4-45 to see that Bergkamp equalised for Arsenal in the last minute - happy with a point at least they set off for Highbury.

When they get to the ground they all wandered into the changing room to congratulate Sergei on his performance - they were greeted by the sight of him with his head in his hands, obviously in a distressed state.

"What's up Sergei ?" asks Campbell, "I got sent off just after half time." Rebrov replies.

Q. What's the difference between David Seaman and Pamela Anderson?
A: Pamela's only got two tits in front of her...

An Islington school teacher explains to her class that she is an Arsenal
fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Arsenal fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand expect one little girl. The teacher
looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your
hand?"

"Because I'm not an Arsenal fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked,
asked, "Well, if you are not an Arsenal fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I am a Tottenham fan, and proud of it," Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, tell me, why are you a
Tottenham fan?"

"Because my mum is a Tottenham fan, and my dad is a Tottenham fan, so I'm a
Tottenham fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "That is no reason
for you to be a Tottenham fan. You don't have to be just like your parents
all of the time. What if your mom were a moron and your dad were a moron,
what would you be then?"

"Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be an Arsenal fan."

A couple are getting divorced and are in court fighting over custody of
their six year old son. Both parents are wanting custody and the judge can
not decide who to award custody to so he decides to ask the little boy who
he wants to live with.

'Son do you want to live with your mummy?' Asked the judge.

'No.' Came the reply.

'Why is that?'

'Cos she beats me up.'

'OK.' Said the judge. 'Do you want to live with your father?'

'No.' Again was the reply.

'Why is that?' Asked the judge.

'Cos he beats me up as well.' The little boy replied.

'Oh.' Said the judge. 'So who do you want to live with?'

'Arsenal Football Team.' Was the boys surprising reply.

'Arsenal. Why Arsenal?'

'Cos,' said the boy 'they don't beat anyone.'