jokes

dannyd20

This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.

“Ye see that fence over there?” he says to the bartender. “Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me ‘McGregor the Fence-Builder?’ No...”

He gulps down the whiskey and orders another. “Ye see that pier on the loch?” He continues, “AH built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me ‘McGregor the Pier-Builder?’ No.”

“But ye **** ONE sheep....”


===========

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfreind, Marie, out on

a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love

is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"



Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.



"What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie.



"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red

wine!"



She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little,

Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."



Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts

pouring it all over her breasts.



"Pierre! What are you doing?", asks the bewildered Marie.



"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have

white wine!"



They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie

leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!" Our hero

rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap.

He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.



Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws

her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU

THINK YOU'RE DOING?"



Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot!

When I go down, I go down in flames!"

===========

Three former kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to first

grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no

baby talk. "You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them.



She asked Wendy what she had done over the weekend.



"I went to visit my Nana." came the reply.



"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!"



She then asked Joey what he had done.



"I took a ride on a choo-choo," he said.



"No, you took a ride on a TRAIN, use big people words!" She then asked

Eddie what he had done.



"I read a book," he replied.



"That's wonderful," the teacher said. "What book did you read?"



Eddie thought about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and

said, "Winnie The ****."


============

There was a cruise ship going through some rough waters that ended up

sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island. There were only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really

bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and

after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course. Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they where doing.

So..........





















They buried her.

entropi

all good ones, esp the last one...rofl
the one about pierre has been out a good while now, not sure if i seen it here before ???

---

That island has freedom written all over it" Sir, that's Cuba. [url="HTTP://WWW.thesimpsons.com"]look at that smithers!![/url]