Bridge club

Qualm

Audrey Greyson was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children
and a large house. The only relief Audrey got from her chores was the
twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw
in the bridge club relationship was that Audrey loved to tell off-color
stories and the girls didn't
want to hear them.

To teach Audrey a lesson, the other women decided that the next time she told
an off-color story, they'd just get up, walk out, and meet at another home
but without Audrey.

Sure enough, at the next bridge club meeting, Audrey started, "You know,
girls, there's a rumor going around that a busload of prostitutes will be
leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska, and they say..."
Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door.

Audrey was disconcerted, but only for a moment. Then she understood what was
going on and said, "Hey! Girls! Hold on, hold on! There's plenty of time
because the bus doesn't leave until morning!"
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A Long Night

A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in
his car. "They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second
time, and the same voice came over the line.

"Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by
mistake."
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What causes arthritis?

A man who smelled like a distillery, flopped on a subway seat next to a
priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red
lipstick,and a half bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled
guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say,Father, what causes arthritis?"

"It's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much
alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man!"

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had
arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father, I was just reading here that the Pope does."
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