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Ministry of Sounds Ads

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  • 11-08-2001 11:59am
    #1
    stu_69
    Registered Users Posts: 568 ✭✭✭


    The following are actual ads placed in the Personals section of the Ministry of Sound magazine (UK Clubbing/Lifestyle Magazine):

    ARE YOU AGED 18-30, female, slim build, into hardcore techno, a recent graduate and into politics? Then F##k off! I want a sh*t-thick 16 year old bird with no opinions and massive t*ts! Reply to box. xxxx

    WERE YOU THE GIRL with braids, blue T-shirt, platform trainers,dancing to left of the stage during JFK's set at Passion last Friday? I was the guy curled up under the speaker stack. I meant to talk to you but I was hallucinating and I thought you had a wolf's head and flippers. But I'm ok now. Reply to xxxx

    ATTENTION ALL MAD clubheads in the Toxteth area going to Cream this weekend. Me and my mates are going to nick all you valuables while you're out because we're thieving scally b*st*rds. Reply to xxxx

    IF YOU ARE a group of around four house fans in the Acton High Street area of West London and you're particularly into old skool Chicago sounds, please turn your stereo down because some of us are f**king trying to get some sleep. Reply to xxxx

    ARE YOU THE TALL BLACK-HAIRED GUY in the black and silver Versace shirt who I shagged in the Ministry toilets about three months ago without any form of birth control. Please write to me. I'd...ummmm...love to hear from you. Just to see how you are and stuff. Don't worry, there's nothing to worry about. Really. It's just that I'm going to have a...ummm...a PARTY! Yes, that's it. A party. Reply xxxx

    WANTED: COC**NE. Lots of it. Reply to xxxx

    WERE YOU THE man standing three feet away from me at the bar in Fabric, smiling weakly and smelling rather too strongly of Issey Miyake? Because if you look at my t*ts one more time, I am going to glass you. Reply to xxxx

    ARE YOU A frequent visitor to the nightclubs of Rugby? They're ****e, aren't they? Reply to xxxx


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