Stabbed in the back

Zulu

WhiteWashMan wrote:

fine, if you think its his business, thats great. you rock. what else do you want me to do, repeat my point ad infinitum?

Nope - just to admit that you are wrong, apologise to all concerned, and re-edit all your previous posts.

Wibbs

did i say it was his fault?

gee, read into it what you think, but thats not what i said, and its certainly not what i meant. those are you words, not mine.

If you suggest someone played a losing game. this suggests that he could have played a better, winning game. It's quite easy to take from this that it's in some way his fault for not doing so.

As you state this was not your intention may I suggest when dealing with the more sensitive topics that your posts be couched in less flippant terms. That way there may be less confusion.

fine, if you think its his business, thats great. you rock. what else do you want me to do, repeat my point ad infinitum?

Frankly no.

At this stage regardless of the opposing viewpoints, the general consensus is to not hit him(or her). Leave it for a while and see how it pans out. At least now you know where you stand with both of them.

The_B_Man

could you not shag her sister? she bviously has no respect for you.
i was thinkin that ur "mate" had no respect for you either but at least he apologised the next day, so maybe the drink caused him to be unable to think straight. you said he's done this before. tbh he needs to cop on to himself.

another thing, you said there was talk of getting back together. are you sure she wasnt just sayin this coz it was wat u wanted to hear? u wanted to be with her, if she did then you 2 would be together.

have you contacted her since? even with a "heard u had a gud nite" txt?

Tar.Aldarion

she is not to blame at all.the only thing possibly bad that the guy did was get drunk and have fun with that girl bhind yer back.betrayal,yes,if you cant get over it dont.as of talk to getin back together.so what?she made up her mind and said eh no.

The Sweeper

There's another unwritten code in life: if you're not going out with me, I can do what I please.

OP, what your ex-girlfriend and your friend did was somewhat insensitive. It was pretty stupid. And yes, it's obviously hurt you.

But considering that this forum regularly tells posters that the "best way to get over someone is to get under someone else"; I don't think we can really put a time limit on how long you need to be single for it to be "OK" for someone else to be with your ex partner. I mean, you could hold a flame for some girl for two years - does that mean she's off limits for your friends for all that time?

Your ex-girlfriend doesn't seem to know what she wants (other than everything she can get, and to hell with it, if she wasn't dating you, then, while it may make her insensitive, it doesn't make her anything else). You're probably best to avoid her for a while.

What you don't have a right to do is hit her, "get back" at her, or anything else associated with getting revenge. There's no point obsessing about this. It'll smart something rotten for quite a while, accept that and move on.

Tar.Aldarion

oh ya exact same thing happened with three of my friends.she broke up with A and said we'll see lala ,got some of B and so A said oh so she is not interested anymore ok then.he was not sad.A and B didnt even consider *betrayal* and they are right.

The Clown Man

In fairness. I'd deck him.

Why are so many people not understanding of the fact that a good old fashioned fight settles your mind immensely. Just make sure you win.

Anyway any f*cker that can do that to a friend needs a good sorting out. This is a very mano et mano conflict and anyone that does do that should be expecting a major kicking for his troubles.

Fanny Cradock

im wondering how long you went out together before the split?

if it was only two weeks then, imo, that hardly counts as a relationship and doesnt give you the right to have any say on their choice of partners. on the other hand if it was a longer term thing then its REALLY bad form from the pair of them.

move on man! despite the fact you were gonna get back together, she has demonstrated that she didnt care about you. afterall, you wouldnt do that to someone you really loved, would you? she isnt worth the hassle. there's plenty more fish in the sea.
as for your friend, if he is a good friend - forgive him!!!! however, if you didnt like him to start with just accept that these things happen and move on with you life.

WhiteWashMan

Wibbs wrote:

If you suggest someone played a losing game. this suggests that he could have played a better, winning game. It's quite easy to take from this that it's in some way his fault for not doing so.

well, if you arent bright enough to pick it up, then perhaps you best power off your pc?

Wibbs wrote:

As you state this was not your intention may I suggest when dealing with the more sensitive topics that your posts be couched in less flippant terms. That way there may be less confusion.

no. you may not suggest anything really. while it may be sensitive to the OP, its certainly not sensitive to me, and while that may make me an insensitive pratt, its certainly not the worse thing ive ever been called.

this is all about some bloke who fancied some bird and she shagged someone else.
he just happens to know the people involved. so what.

Zulu

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

There's another unwritten code in life: if you're not going out with me, I can do what I please.

I'd say it's more "if you're not going out with me, you can do what you please, but not to me.

But considering that this forum regularly tells posters that the "best way to get over someone is to get under someone else";

...but not his mate!

I don't think we can really put a time limit on how long you need to be single for it to be "OK" for someone else to be with your ex partner.

She can be with anyone, anytime (assuming she dosen't want to get back with him), just not his mates.

I mean, you could hold a flame for some girl for two years - does that mean she's off limits for your friends for all that time?

Common courtesy would be to ask before hand. A consideration for your friend is all it is really.

babaduck

Oh sweet jesus.

Why do blokes have to be so aggressive & antagonistic about everything.

1. You're only 20, you're not married to the girl, living with her, engaged to her or anything very permanent.

2. You were not going out. Doesn't matter if you had split 2 hours, 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 years - you were NOT A COUPLE

3. Unwritten rules my arse. If you were in your friends situation, you'd probably have done exactly the same.

4. It's not very big or clever to want to smack your (supposed) friend. You'll only make yourself look like a bigger twat & your ex will never ever want to associate with you again

How do I know all of this? I've been there, seen that & most definitely bought the t-shirt.

If this is all that ever pisses you off in your lifetime, can I swap?

athena 2000

SebtheBum wrote:

3. Got whiny, whimpering, bs text messages from the guy apologising for "thinkin wit his dick" but without actually telling me what he'd done (he assumed - correctly - that I already knew the score). If you knew my "mate", you'd know how commonplace this kinda sh*t is, although he's never gone this far before. The pr*ck.

Also, may I point out that he has a history of this cr*p. At the time of writing, nobody in our group of friends likes him, for wildly varying (and completely justifiable) reasons, which I'm not gonna get into here. But there ya go.

SebtheBum wrote:

Btw, I cannot understand some of your attitudes - Readin some of your posts, I reckon most of you don't seem to value friendship at all. And, like my "mate", you would sacrifice years of friendship for a quick f**k. You are the losers lads, not me.

Seb, now that you've had time to answer some detailed questions, it gives a MUCH better view of what happened. I'm sorry it's painful. You've also found out some valuable information about your ex-girlfriend.

From what you've said that I've quoted above, I don't think you've "lost" a friendship at all with this "mate." You don't even like him, if you're honest about it. He also doesn't sound smart enough to think three steps ahead of his actions - drunk or otherwise.

Wibbs

whitewashman wrote

this is all about some bloke who fancied some bird and she shagged someone else.
he just happens to know the people involved. so what.

I think we've established that he didnt just fancy her. He was going out with her. That makes it a different situation.

whitewashman wrote

no. you may not suggest anything really. while it may be sensitive to the OP, its certainly not sensitive to me, and while that may make me an insensitive pratt, its certainly not the worse thing ive ever been called.

I suggest things all the time. Have a fondness for it. Kinda the point of conversation and discussion.

If you think it may be sensitive to the OP, why say it? Then again you may have already answered that.

babaduck wrote

Why do blokes have to be so aggressive & antagonistic about everything.

Yes, that's blokes for you and women are all whining emotional fools. :rolleyes:

babaduck wrote

1. You're only 20, you're not married to the girl, living with her, engaged to her or anything very permanent.

True. Wouldn't make it hurt any less though.

babaduck wrote

2. You were not going out. Doesn't matter if you had split 2 hours, 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 years - you were NOT A COUPLE

Just that a bit of manners and consideration on the part of the two parties wouldn't have gone amiss.

babaduck wrote

3. Unwritten rules my arse. If you were in your friends situation, you'd probably have done exactly the same.

Still wouldn't make it right.

babaduck wrote

4. It's not very big or clever to want to smack your (supposed) friend. You'll only make yourself look like a bigger twat & your ex will never ever want to associate with you again

Very true. From what you've told us neither the ex nor this "friend" are worth the bother. If they're not worth the bother then why should they be worth the bother of a smackin'.

I think Athena 2000's last post summed it up perfectly

Victor

Can people rein in the sniping please.

Fanny Cradock

Victor wrote:

Can people rein in the sniping please.

why?

madison 1

SebtheBum wrote:

So...

Picture the scene: 3 or 4 weekends ago... My 20th b-day night out celebratory thing in doyles... I invite my ex along cos, hey, we're still mates, and f**k it, I invited everyone else... Loads of my mates are there, all buyin me drinks (and I drink really f**kin quickly), so I get totally mashed up early on, round midnight or so, and head home... Every1 else heads to Portobello for the rest of the night...

So, 3 or 4 weekends pass... Out at a mates house last sat... Find out from a mate that my oldest mate scored my ex in Portobello... Really REALLY f**kin p*ssed off bout it. (Our group of mates has had an agreed, albeit unwritten, pact regarding ex-gf's for bout 2 years now)

And if that wasn't bad enuff, i find out the following day that no, my "mate" didn't just score her, oh no - He f**ked her.

So now I wanna kick his stupid f**king head in, and frankly, I would have no qualms bout decking her either (I apologise, I would never advocate hitting women, but this situation is different)...

So, what would you do? Deck the f**ker, or just cut him out of my life, and try to forget about it?

Your thoughts please...

oh ye id deck the ****er and your ex, ****m them your better than that, move on .
Go get a stunner bird and **** the lot of them.
Or if you feally wanna get your on back **** his ma.
the prick, who needs enemys with friends like him.
you'll be fine.
Shes a slag, want me to feef her for ye, ha ha ha.

madison 1

meditraitor wrote:

What ye gonna do ,,, beat me up

oh meditrator your nasty !

Wibbs

Point taken Victor.

In the end, regardless of how serious a matter people feel this is, it is serious to the OP. As has been said before, you at least have two different viewpoints on that to take on board.

With the odd exception, all of the replies have pretty much said the same thing with regard to revenge tactics. It won't make you feel any better if you smack anybody. It'll most likely make you look a whole lot worse and it certainly won't get her back with you. If that's what you want.

It was/is hurting you at the moment, but at least you know it's over between you and her. That's a start. As for the friend, time will tell, but from what you've said you were coming to certain conclusions about him anyway.

Gordon

madison 1 wrote:

oh ye id deck the ****er and your ex, ****m them your better than that, move on .
Go get a stunner bird and **** the lot of them.
Or if you feally wanna get your on back **** his ma.
the prick, who needs enemys with friends like him.
you'll be fine.
Shes a slag, want me to feef her for ye, ha ha ha.

feef?

Victor

Fanny Cradock wrote:

why?

Cos.

JohnCleary

I say, DECK HIM!
Know the feeling, if any of my mates got off with a particular certain ex of mine, id f*ck*n flip

Jonny Arson

Seb,

My heart goes out to you with the situation you're in. Anyone in your situation would want to beat the living crap out of that f**khead but as many other people have said you have got to cut both of them out of your life without any violence.

Sadly trust isn't a word that exists in this world anymore. My saying goes ''don't trust anyone'' even if it is your friends. I'm sad to say that if your ex still had really any feelings towards you she wouldn't have gone and f**ked anyone let alone one of your friends. You're better of without her and your mate full stop.

Even though what you are going through is sh*t, it could be a blessing in disguise. If you had got back with her, she could have gone on more one night stands. She is a slut and you wouldn't want to be with one of them now would you?

Kernel

What exactly defines a slut?

WhiteWashMan

Wibbs wrote:

With the odd exception, all of the replies have pretty much said the same thing with regard to revenge tactics.

and all that means is that a lot of people agree with each other. not that its the correct or incorrect point.

Slash/ED

I haven't read all of the thread so this has probably been said many times but she was your ex girlfriend. You don't own her, there was nothing wrong with what happened unwritten rule or not, it would be a different story if you were still with her but you're not. All imo, ofc

Chinafoot

Zane from MTV2 wrote:

She is a slut and you wouldn't want to be with one of them now would you?

I'm sorry but that really písses me off. Yes they were bang out of order but there was the two of them in it and if anything HE'S the one that is supposed to be his "oldest friend".

Its like when a fella does the dirt on his girlfriend....the girlfriend automatically blames the other girl. Its such bullshít.

I'm not saying that the ex here is blameless, far from it. I think that just as you shouldnt go for your mates ex, you also shouldnt go for your ex's mate.
not after a week anyway.

To me the "friend" should have known better and if he was any sort of friend he wouldnt have gone near her, especially as he knew Seb still had feelings for this girl.

They're both a pair of shíts and i'd say good riddance if i were you.

Wibbs

True. If any blame is to be applied in this case it should be apportioned out equally.

aidan01

your buddy does not respect you, therefore he is unworthy of your friendship. he might have brilliant excuses why what happened happened, but that doesnt change a thing, he does not respect you if he did that to you. get rid of him, straight away. never have anything to do with either of them again.

WhiteWashMan

aidan01 wrote:

your buddy does not respect you, therefore he is unworthy of your friendship. he might have brilliant excuses why what happened happened, but that doesnt change a thing, he does not respect you if he did that to you. get rid of him, straight away. never have anything to do with either of them again.

yes, and next time something appears on the tv you dont like, turn off your set, and it will be like it never happened!

cool huh?

LegacyUser

I completley agree with SebTheBum here. Yes, I know she's his EX, yes, I know she and his friend are entitled to do what they want, but you don't shag your friend's ex. Particularly ONE WEEK after they broke up, when the wounds are still fresh! Seb should at least be glad that he now knows what they're like.

Tiesto

SebtheBum, i was in a similar situation twice.
So i understand what you mean.
Dont bother hitting him.
Just tell him to **** off and make him feel guilty!!
thats what i did.

PullMyFinger!

I sometimes wonder what planet people are on in PI on the boards. Of course he has every right to be angry with his "mate", cut him out from your life, if it affects the circles of friends you have then make them make a choice.

You do not sleep with a mate's ex. End of story!

Chucky the tree

Zulu wrote:

What is it with you people! You don't sleep with your mates ex-girlfriend (at least not till he's over her). He's your friend, you don't hurt him.

Likewise, if you split up with your ex on good terms - you don't sleep with his/her friends. You know that this is going to hurt them. If you want to stay mates with someone you don't intentionally hurt them.

Spot on.

Same with THe clown man.

Seb if i was in your position i would deck him. Not just once, give him a few smacks, and stick the boot in a couple of times for good measure. He needs to be thought a lesson. I wouldnt hit her though, you will end being the bad guy then.

I wont cut all links with the ex, shes obviously not interested in getting back, and even if she was, you cant, it would be too humiliating. Get rid of him aswell. If he has a sister, bone her. Try bone one of your ex's mates aswell.

Beruthiel

please do not advocate violence in this forum
B

Winnie

no one deserves to be beaten up because of this especially not her!! and if you consider even wanting to hit her then you cant care for her and she is better off without you.

koneko

Chucky the tree wrote:

Seb if i was in your position i would deck him. Not just once, give him a few smacks, and stick the boot in a couple of times for good measure. He needs to be thought a lesson. I wouldnt hit her though, you will end being the bad guy then.

Yes resort to the neanderthal way of solving problems. That really works :rolleyes:

Like I said before, if you feel betrayed/screwed over by them, just cut them out of your life. You don't need people around that you don't WANT around, and don't trust. Do what will make you happy and is best for you in the long run, and only you will know what that is.

Phil_321

Chucky the tree wrote:

Seb if i was in your position i would deck him. Not just once, give him a few smacks, and stick the boot in a couple of times for good measure.

LOL....."stick the boot in"

I don't know if you should ditch you're friend totally though. That's a bit drastic, probably better just to lower you're opinion/respect of him and let him know that you weren't happy with his actions and you won't forget it.

Evil Phil

Aye put some distance between you and this *mate*. Sounds like you're learning the same lesson about him that the rest of your friends have. Drop her altogether, she's an ex not a friend.

BrianD3

As regards decking the mate it may not be as bad a course of action as it appears. Depending on the sort of person your mate is is, hitting him a few belts may actually *save* your friendship and bring closure to this allowing both of ye to get on with life and forget about the whole incident. Whereas if you just ignore him and cut him out of your life then the whole thing drags out and there could be bad feeling for years afterwards.

It all depend on the type of person the mate is. If he knows in his heart that he has done wrong and believes in settling things like this in an old fashioned "manly" and "honourable" way then I'd say he'd take his decking punishment without complaint. OTOH if he's not that sort of person then you'll end up being charged with assault.

BrianD3

Beruthiel

the next person to advocate violence in this forum gets banned
B

Ratboy9mm

Seeing as shes your ex, shes still youre property,so you have the right to kill both of them.


























<Sarcasm

WhiteWashMan

i dont advocate violence of any sort.
except perhaps when it comes to self defence.

by the way, for those of you that think the chaps has done his 'mate' wrong, it may be that his 'mate' doesnt think he has done all that wrong. remember, he doesnt necessarily hold the same high moral standards that you guys hold.
he may be a little embarassed about it, but he may think 'hey, the chick digs me, she want s a bit of the cóck,a nd shes single, like me' and just gone for it.

so what do you think the OP should do if the 'mate' actually isnt really that upset about it? imagine if they got together? would that be ok?

Beruthiel

Ratboy9mm wrote:

Seeing as shes your ex, shes still youre property,so you have the right to kill both of them.

banned for a week
B

sarcasm only amuses me when it’s actually funny

Megatron

MrNuked wrote:

It's never ok to hit a woman either. No matter what sort of thing they do.

I've a big problem with this line.

An example . A woman is hitting you , hard , trying to do some serious inury to you. what do you do then ? push them away ? ok they come back same thing . no matter how many times you push they away they keep coming back.

I would have no problems decking the said woman in this situation. well if i could deck them that is. It's equality. Some women will take advantge of the fact that it's socialy disaproved of hitting a woman. I treat everyone the same, if someone is trying to hurt me and i can't stop them by non violent means and i'm left with only the violent option i will have to use it. I will of course try every other means i can , but saying that it is NEVER ok to hit a woman is wrong.

and Why is it wrong ? cuz they are the weaker sex ? because they are a woman ?.

if someone is trying to punch your lights out you will defend yourself. well usualy . Size of that person and gender shouldn't be a issue.

Mod wrote:

the next person to advocate violence in this forum gets banned
B

on this note yes i could be considered advocating violence. but no on the topic that is being describe in the OP post.

On topic , Talk toyou r mate let him know your really p*ssed off at him over this, ask him why .. if he says he was jsut drunk and didn't know any better tell him he should of and that he's a w*nker. as for the ex ... cut her out , completely, nothing worse than having a recuring pain in the azz showing up and bothering you.

tinkerbell

This thread seems to have totally spiraled into the OP's comment of wanting to give the pair of them a belt. He may have just written it but didn't actually intend to do so. But, thumping either of them will not help matters, you'll only be reducing yourself to their level.

The main point is that his ex and his friend both hurt him. And he needs to be the better man and not resort to their low level. I wouldn't give the "mate" any of my time, and I definitely wouldn't give the "ex" any of my time either.

As for the tangent that this thread has gone on - being a woman, I think that if a girl starts belting a guy, then she deserves to be hit back. There's talk about equality but in reality, a lot of it is crap. If a guy is suffering from domestic violence (and this does actually happen), it's not okay for him to fight back?

I'm not that strong, but if I started walloping a girl, I'd expect to get a thump back. The same if I started hitting a guy. It's the same thing. If you fight with someone, you have to be prepared for them to do the same, regardless if you are male or female.

That said, I wouldn't get into a violent situation anyway because I ain't a violent person.

Sangre

WhiteWashMan wrote:

lets be honest here. its none of your goddamn business what other people get up to.

I think someone is trying to get a rise here

Oh, my wife and I of 10 years just spilt up last weekand and you, my best friend, slept with her? Oh well, we were exs after all.
WWM you know well this isn't a black and white situation, all depends on:
How recent break-up was
Residual feelings
Current feelings betweent two i.e friends?
Have there been relationships since?

But, tbh, I think Seb is just pissed his mate fúcked her and he never did.

WhiteWashMan

oh im not saying its something ou wont be interested, but really at the end of the day, if youve split up with your wife, you no longer have a say in what she does.
and if she wants to go and shag your friend, then thats their business.
but im not saying you wont be píssed

MojoMaker

wwm, remember the young fragile Irish male ego cannot and does not understand your perspective. Just in case you were scratching your head at the reactions you've been getting so far.

The only scenario where the OP's point has even a sliver of credibility is if he was dumped by the girl - then it really boils down to his ego being crushed by seeing a mate succeed where he failed. If however he dumped the girl then he has no comeback whatsoever. That would smack of "because I DON'T want her you CAN'T have her".

This usually evaporates when the ego finally firms up in the late 20s. Honestly people, move on, broaden your outlook, and dump these juvenile hangups. I know it *seems* important at this age, but you'll quickly find it was just one of those things and not really worth losing sleep over. At this point in your life your c_ock owns you. When you finally get control of it back you'll have a lot more fun, I promise.

LegacyUser

LOL what age will that be? My cock has been taking over my life since I hit 20...seriously I do not know what it is.

Zillah

chucky the tree wrote:

Spot on.

Same with THe clown man.

Seb if i was in your position i would deck him. Not just once, give him a few smacks, and stick the boot in a couple of times for good measure. He needs to be thought a lesson. I wouldnt hit her though, you will end being the bad guy then.

I wont cut all links with the ex, shes obviously not interested in getting back, and even if she was, you cant, it would be too humiliating. Get rid of him aswell. If he has a sister, bone her. Try bone one of your ex's mates aswell.

You disgust me, primate.