Actual Product Warnings

threebeards · 15-03-2005 12:53pm #1

From www.kingcomedy.com

Actual Product Warnings

I recently purchased one of those long-stemmed lighters -- the kind designed
for lighting charcoal grills, fireplace fires, candles, and anything
difficult to reach with a conventional lighter or a match. I happened to
look at the warning label on the back of the package. It said:

Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks.

Since the lighter produces a spark to ignite a flame to start a fire, I guess
it's just too dangerous to use. I'm returning it tomorrow and plan to cite
the warning label as the reason for return.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here are
some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

* On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping

* On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary Details inside

* On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap

* Some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost

* On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head

*On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down (Printed on the bottom of the box)

* On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating

* On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body

* On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery

* On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: may cause drowsiness

* On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children

* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only

* On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use

* On Sainsbury's Peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts

* On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts

* On a Swedish chain saw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands

* On a blanket from Taiwan:
Not to be used as protection from a tornado

* On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists:
Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you

* On a Taiwanese shampoo:
Use repeatedly for severe damage

* On the bottle-top of a flavored milk drink:
After opening, keep upright

* On a New Zealand insect spray:
This product not tested on animals

* In an American guide to setting up a new computer:
To avoid condensation forming, allow the boxes to warm up to room temperature
before opening. (Sensible, but the instruction was on the INSIDE of the
box.)

* On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids:
Lie down on bed and insert poscool slowly up to the projected portion like
a sword-guard into anal duct. While inserting poscool for approximately 5
minutes, keep quiet