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Is this acceptable behavior

TheMonster

Just interested in getting peoples opinions on this. Wasn't sure of best place to post so thought parents might have some feedback on whether it would be acceptable for their kids.

Recently moved into an estate and over the last few days(guess its the first time the kids have been on holidays and there has been decent weather)

A group of about 8 kids(We are talking about 12/13 years olds here, 2 of which are actually from our road) have decided to have a full scale rounders match outside of our house, this involves hitting the ball wherever they want, into peoples gardens,under cars and running though same after the ball with no regard to what damage they cause, trampling flower beds, hedges etc.

They also play a hide/chasing game where they hide wherever they want, including under cars in peoples gardens etc.

To me this is unacceptable and we shouldn't have to put up with it, especially as there is a park at the end of the road.

Would parents here allow their kids to do this?

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b3t4

When we were kids we used to play in the fields of a local farmer. He had told us that it was ok and he had no problem with us being on his land. One year we were playing in a field that was going to be used for silage and managed to flatten some of the grass. We didn't realise at the time, when we were playing, that that is what the grass was going to be used for. We were just children and were unaware of the running of a farm. The farmer spoke to us about it and we then understood why he didn't want us to play in certain fields. We respected him for that and didn't play in fields if we felt it was for silage. We continued to roam around his fields for a good couple of years.

Another farmer who had land adjacent to the land of the above farmers wasn't as pleasant. He under no circumstances wanted us to be on his land. One day we accidentally ended up on his land. We had been accustomed to roaming around farm land and would never dream of opening gates or that. We preferred to climb over or under them. This farmer rang up our parents and told them how we had left a gate open. We developed very little respect for this farmer.

Why not treat the children with a little respect? They aren't aware how their behaviour is having an affect. They probably don't even realise that what they are doing is causing offense or harm. They are only children after all, it is us who are the adults and have to behave in that manner. Children are around to learn from all the adults in their life not just their parents. An idea if an incident of this nature happens again is to politely point out to the children for them to be more careful of your garden if they want to get their ball. Or, if you do want them to ask permission first to not be so aggresive when saying this to them. Be pleasant and friendly so that they won't be afraid to ask for the ball.

Children are not going to behave as adults would and expecting them to just know things is kinda harsh.

Also, OP you said how they do not play on the green. Have you asked the children why they are not playing on the green? Maybe they have a very valid reason for not doing so. If they have a valid reason would you go about doing something so that they would have somewhere to play. Or would you prefer they sit in their houses in front of the television or play station?

A.

RicardoSmith

All very worthy ideals but so very naive.

Once you've actually created a garden, taken a few years of your own labour to do it. Will you let and a few mates run through it, trampling over everthing and run through the hedge a few times? I can guarantee you that you won't let me. The fact that you don't l think its of any value says it all.

How about I hit a few tennis balls at your car? Sure a dent in a quarter panel is a laugh! And of course when they start hanging around the cars, then they usually end up horsing around and accidents are more likely to happen. Sure a few scratches won't bother anyone.

Yes and if you think you can ask politely and they'll move on your logic is flawed. Either you've lived a very sheltered life or are just naive. Thats just doesn't work. Either they have the manners to know its wrong. or they don't, and don't care.

Its like trying to a cat to stop dumping in your garden, once hes got the habit.

TheMonster

Ricardo - You are a man after my own heart - was reading and thinking I wrote that.

The people here that reckon that kids should be allowed do whatever they want wherever they want will end up parenting the type of kids that turn up in work whenever they like(you know they type - Monday Morning phone call - can't come to work today as I'm "sick", turn up at 10.00 without an apology) - no respect for anything and is endemic of what society is turning into to.

Nevyn

Well what do you expect when all the smart sane respectible college educated people are for the most part not having children. Honestly I fear what type of a world my kids will live in with the off spring of those that seem to be breeding indescrimatly and throwing thier kids out on the street.

b3t4

RicardoSmith wrote:

Once you've actually created a garden, taken a few years of your own labour to do it. Will you let and a few mates run through it, trampling over everthing and run through the hedge a few times? I can guarantee you that you won't let me. The fact that you don't l think its of any value says it all.

I didn't say they weren't of value, I was trying to point out that the kids at the end of the day are more important. I was also trying to point out that the kids are more than likely unaware that their actions are causing so much distress.

And of course when they start hanging around the cars,

A question has to be asked as to why they are hanging around the cars and not somewhere else? Are there the facilities in place for these children to play and be children?

Thats just doesn't work.

All I know is that it worked in the situation we faced as children.

Either they have the manners to know its wrong. or they don't, and don't care.

Manners are something which one learns as they grow, they are not automatically built into a persons personaility. Manners are as much learnt from society as from a persons family. Manners are also generally dictated by society to an extent.

The current situation is not being alleviated by the OP's actions. I was trying to bring across a different way of looking at things. Perhaps trying to look at things from the perspective of a child rather than an adult. I believe that if something isn't working to alleviate a problem then maybe approaching the problem from a different angle can bring about a solution.

Also, the OP is not aware as to why the children will not play in the green and I thought that it might be an idea to find out the cause of this.

A.

RicardoSmith

Well done you've managed to shift the cause and solution of the problem from the children and their parents to the victim. Excellent. You've managed to propose a solution to the problem where the children and their parents are blamless and are not part of the solution.

You can avoid the obvious, but it doesn't go away. :cool:

cormie

iguana wrote:

Would I be right in thinking that you were smoking certain illegal substances at the time too?

Even in a perfect world (anarchist utopia type thing) people have to work. Exactly where do you think you will get your food, clothing, place to live, computer to type stoned bulls**t on?

No illegal substances I'm afraid, and when I mentioned grass, I meant the stuff that grows in gardens. This is far from a perfect world. Maybe it would be better if we reverted back to the way things were thousands of years ago. We'd kill to eat and dress, this would mean we only kill what we need, no mass slaughter for your leather sofas etc, live in the trees and we wouldn't need computers. That would be allot better than today.

There would be no obesity, no depression. I'd say even though they were without the "luxuries", people were a lot wealthier back when life was simple. People wouldn't worry about scratches on cars or all the little things in life. There are far more important things then the materialistic artefacts. And ask yourself this, when you say about children killing plants, what is it that upsets you? The plants losing their lives as you would be a relative losing theirs? Or is it just that your garden won’t have the aesthetic appeal like when a scratch appears on your car?

I think the main concern here should be the well being of the children. Voice your opinion at the next committee meeting; suggest the park to be sorted out. Maybe put money you would be spending on new plants or a new paint job, towards the association for better security for these children so they can play in the park. It's unfortunate it has to be this way; with the likes of the boy in Cork parents are petrified to let their children out of their sight, or the sight of their neighbours.

The children just want to play. They want to upset as little people as possible. They don't want some Monster coming out ruining their game. Solve that issue and your problem will be solved too.

RicardoSmith

This is not an issue about kids not being safe to play on green areas or outside. Most of these kids aren't even from this road. So the're not in sight of parents at all. Are their parents standing their playing with their kids, or taking them to the green areas and monitoring them? No. They've fobbed them off down the road. Where their neighbours have to watch them. Its not up to other people to watch someone kids because the parents can't be arsed to do it themselves.

This is about them playing in places where they shouldn't be, and where it causes distress to other people. Its that simple. You have rights, as do those kids. You can't selectively pick the rules that suit you and ignore the rest.

If it was a hundred years ago, someone would go out and hit them with a rock or a club. End of problem. The problem is not property. Its the lack of respect for rules, authority and a lack of responsibility.

But again your putting the responsibilty for these kids on other people. It should lie with the kids themselves and the parents. Thats where the problem is. Thats where the problem will be fixed. If they don't respect others property they are not going to respect any facilities either. Why would they?

TheMonster

Well said Ricardo.
There is a park at then end of the road - 14 houses away(thats how close) and actually the younger kids do play there. Its only the young teenagers who persist in destroying neighbours property. This isn't about having the facilities for kids to play on - its there. These are little brats who insist on making neighbours lives hell.

The last time it happened I was walking through the front door and onw was jsut jumping my wall. I asked where was she going and told her that if she entered my garden again I would call the police. She just stared at me blankly as if it was me at fault.

I can't believe the attitude of the poster(*Page*) who said it only a flowers and they will grow back. I hope that was a troll and not a serious post or are they the same type of the parents of these kids - no authority over kids will lead to the parents lifes been made hell in the future - if they have no respect for property now the next step is obviously no respect for Law and Order and will be doing drugs etc in a few years.

b3t4

RicardoSmith wrote:

Well done you've managed to shift the cause and solution of the problem from the children and their parents to the victim.

As the OP is not the children or the parents of the children who are causing the problems I therefore choose to discuss how the victim, the OP, could go about alleviating the problem.

Excellent. You've managed to propose a solution to the problem where the children and their parents are blamless and are not part of the solution.

My solution did involve the children. I said that the children were unaware of the problems that they were causing therefore the logical conclusion for that would be to make them aware of the problems they are causing. A quick phone call to the parents of the children would not go a miss either.

It is a nice ideal for everyone to have attended parenting courses before they have a child but this has not happened. The OP will have to deal with this situation as best as possible under the circumstances that are presented to them.

A.

Seraphina

threatening the kids with the guards is just going to make them hate you.
i cant believe you're complaining about this tbh, in some estates kids that age would be up all night vandalising property and causing alot more hassle, not just playing rounders and getting their ball back.

i suggest next time you see them in the garden, speak to them politely. being aggressive or threatening wont help in any way.
tell them you dont mind them getting the ball back, but you'd prefer if they were a little more careful and didn't climb your walls and trample your flowers.
i think you're making a fuss over nothing though. we used to do that all the time when we were kids, and those people who got angry with us or threatened us got it worse. they'll have no respect for you. they're just kids, and the concept of property isn't as obvious to them as it clearly is to some of the over materialistic people on this board. in their mind, they're just getting the ball back. they're not wrecking the place on purpose (and like i said, in alot of estates this WOULD be happening, so you're pretty lucky)
try not to get so bloody worried over your nice garden ffs. its just a garden at the end of the day.

iguana

*Page* wrote:

rounders match in this game you hit a ball and try catch it! running in and out of gardens trampling flower beds and hedges this is a pain but is not the same financial cost of fixing a car!!hide/chasing is another harmless game.. my god you are such an old misser!!!

If it bothers you that much go to the kids parents or put a fence on the front of your house!

1. Some plants can cost a fortune and can be just as expensive to replace than to fix damage to a car.

2. Some people really love their plants, my parents spend hours in their garden, with their flowers, fruit trees and veg. The garden is probably my mother's favourite thing in the world. Who are you to dismiss that?

3. At least plants make a definite useful contribution (oxygen) to the world. The poster wants them in HIS garden, the kids have no right to trample them.

4. The kids might be out playing on the street, which is of course preferable to them spending all day everyday at home on their x-boxes. But that does not excuse bad manners and destruction of other people's things. If they graffitied his front door would that be ok? It would be far easier to fix than to bring a dead plant back to life.

I used to play on the street as a kid, but if my ball went into someone's garden I went in the gate to get it. If it kept going into their garden we moved.

To the op you really should try reasoning with them. Yelling at them won't win you their respect. They were thoughtless but they are kids, try going out and explaining why you want them to stop what they are doing. Treat them as adults, kids like that and tend to respond well to it.

If they don't have you considered getting a scary dog?

RicardoSmith

I love the idea that playing on the Road is safer for the kids. :rolleyes: The only reason you have to justify this is that its "safer" for the kids. Whereas in fact thats not the reason they are doing it. Your making excuses for something that simple anti social behaviour.

If you can't grasp that tresspass, and destruction of other people property, some of which takes years to nuture and grow, and causing distress to others is fundamentally wrong aswell not to mention being illegal. You'll never understand it no matter how its explained.

Why should I be grateful that my neighbourhood isn't some getto? Thats some excuse. :rolleyes:

RicardoSmith

Obviously my area is a getto. Just found out a a friend was hit in the head with a ball from local kids/youths hanging around at the shops and has a fractured skull, and bad concussion. Knocked out for some time.

The irony. :mad:

Tonto2

Probably not the best behavior but kids will play anywhere they want, if you make a big deal of it theyll just hassle you more. leave them alone, the good weather doesnt last long and theyll be drinking and smoking in the park this time next year