Gee Whillikers!

StupidLikeAFox

Batman Quotes:
Bruce: "It's sometimes difficult to think clearly when you're strapped to a printing press."

Batman: "This is torture, at its most bizarre and terrible"

Batman: "Good, even though it's sometimes sidetracked, always, repeat: always triumphs over evil."

Batman: "It's obvious. Only a criminal would disguise himself as a licensed, bonded guard yet callously park in front of a fire hydrant!"

Batman: "It's time to get set, Robin. It's almost oda wabba simba."
Robin: "It's almost what?"
Batman: "Oda wabba simba. Six o'clock in our nomenclature. In the 14th dynasty, the hour of the hyena. The time when ancient Egyptian supercriminals invariably struck!"

Robin: "Gosh, Batman, is there anything you don't know?"
Batman: "Oh yes, Robin. Several things, in fact."

Batman: "[Penquin] may be holding all the aces, but tomorrow morning we play the trump card."

Robin: "You were right, Batman, we might have been killed."
Batman: "Or worse."

Robin: "Aren't you even going to try and get loose?"
Batman: "What's the cube root of pi, Robin?"

Batman: "Bartender, a bit of advice. Always inspect a jukebox carefully. These machines can be deadly."

Robin: "Gosh, Batman. I never see you use a telephone directory. How do you remember all those numbers?"
Batman: "Elementary, my dear Robin. I simply transpose the numbers into letters. For example, Pete Savage's number is the name of a girl he and I used to date."

Batman: "Planting a timebomb in a local library is a felony."

Batman: "There's an eclipse of the sun due."
Robin: "But that's only for half a minute!"
Batman: "That's all we'll need, if my calculus is correct..."

Batman: "I'd rather die than beg for such a small favor as my life."

Catwoman: "If I were to kiss you, would you think I was a bad girl?"
Batman: "Bu...uh...no...No of course not Catwoman."

Batman: "I'll do everything I can to rehabilitate you."
Catwoman: "Marry me."
Batman: "Everything except that."

Catwoman: "I could give you more happiness than anyone in the world."
Batman: "How do you propose to do that?"
Catwoman: "By being your partner in life, I mean it's me and you against the world."
Batman: "What about Robin?"

Olga: "You find me attractive?"
Batman: "I'd find you much more attractive if you were on the right side of the law, Olga."

Batman: "The red speck appears to be chile and the green speck is avocado. Do you know what that means?"

Lisa: "Would you like to come in for a glass of milk and cookies?"
Bruce: "I'm afraid it's rather late. Why, it's 10:30!"

Bruce: "Milk and cookies, did you say?"
Lisa: "I made the cookies myself."
Bruce: "Man cannot live by crime-fighting alone."

Bruce: "It looks like undesirable elements have once again infiltrated the manly art of self-defense."

Batman: "Ingenious! This criminal mirth issues from a tiny super-powered loudspeaker built into your left cufflink."

Batman: "Just as I expected. The agile crook also managed to slip an induction receiving antenna into your left trouser leg."

Gordon: "What happened to Batgirl?"
O'Hara: "Begorrah, she's gone!"
Robin: "Into thin air."
Batman: "Her particular brand of vanishing cream..."

Batman, analyzing a bullet in the wall: "Judging from the trajectory of the angle, and figuring the wind at six knots per hour north by northeast as per this morning's weather report...X times six squared...over...logarithm of that...yes! You see? It came from that room on that floor!"

Batman: "We've come a long way from the Prime Minister's exploding cake. Or have we?"

Batman: "I'm certain this is the first stitch in a large tapestry of crime."

Batman: "There's more to old Indian Fakir tricks than one might suspect."
Batgirl: "And concentration, magnified by the power of yoga?"
Batman: "Yes, yes. That's enough talking, Batgirl."

Batman to Barbara, about Batgirl: "I wouldn't dream of endangering that fair lady's head. No, you'd better leave the crimefighting to men."

Batman: "Perhaps crimefighting is better left to the men, Batgirl, perhaps not. But this isn't exactly women's work."
Batgirl: "But I'm no ordinary woman, Batman."
Batman: "Agreed."

Batman: "I observed the recoil of that umbrella gun. Obviously, its angular momentum was inadequate for the mass of a real bullet."

Batman: "If my calculations are correct..."
Robin: "They usually are."
Batman: "...Someone should be coming through that window within the next six seconds."

Batman: "When fighting crime even the most minute detail must not be ignored."

Robin: "Batman, look! What skinny macaroni!"
Batman: "No, it's spaghetti, Robin. A variety of alimentary paste, larger then bernachelli but not as tubular as macaroni."

Batman: "You constantly amaze me, Batgirl. I can't figure out how you manage to stay on top of a caper as quickly as we do."
Batgirl: "Tea leaves, stars, crystal gazing. All part of a woman crimefighter's arsenal, Batman."

Robin, about Batgirl: "Do you think she's trying to double-cross us?"
Batman: "No, but she's a woman, Robin, with a woman's inborn desire to outsmart men."

Bruce: "Yes, I think I should be running along as well, Barbara. Uh, it wouldn't be proper for the two of us to be here alone in your apartment without a chaperone."

Robin: "Ghoti is fish?"
Batman: "See here. English phonetics. GH becomes F, as in tough or laugh. O becomes I as in women. TI becomes SH as in ration or the word nation."
Robin: "Holy semantics, Batman. You never cease to amaze me!"
Batman: "No time for compliments, Robin. We must thwart some criminals. To the Batmobile!"

Shame: "Get away from our Fanny!"
Robin: "They'll let us have it if we do."
Batman: "So? We can't hide behind a woman."

Batman: "What's your name?"
Molly: "Molly."
Batman: "You interest me, strangely."

Robin: "The crook was a lady!"
Batman: "Hardly a lady, Robin, but female, yes."

Batman: "I'm afraid you're under arrest, Madam."
Queenie: "Couldn't we talk it over, handsome?"
Batman: "Poor, deluded child."

Batman: "We'll use the portable Batcomputer in the Batmobile."
Batgirl: "I think I'll tag along, Batman. The instruments in the Batgirl Cycle aren't quite as sophisticated as those in the Batmobile."
Batman: "Thank you."

Batman: "She's put the elevator out of commission, Commissioner."

Gordon: "Barbara had to go back to the library, but she told me to keep an eye on the girl behind the counter."
Batman: "You mean the one talking to her hot dog?"

Gordon: "I'm sure they won't find caviar on the menu at Gotham State Prison."
Batman: "Probably not, but they will get a well-balanced diet thanks to Warden Crichton's emphasis on proper nutrition."

Gordon: "I must try and get in touch with Bruce Wayne at once."
Batman: "Oh, you mean millionaire Bruce Wayne? Uh, I believe he's out of town for the day."

Gordon: "It baffles me, Batman, if False Face contemplates a counterfeiting coup, why break into a bank?"
Batman: "For a double dose of diabolical deception!"

Batman (to Chief O'Hara): "Don't interupt! I'm trying to fathom the subconscious of a deadly criminal!"

Batman (without the Batmobile): "I must get to the Batcave as fast as possible."
Gordon: "Let me send a police car for you."
Batman: "A needless waste of taxpayers' money, Commissioner. Gotham City's transit line is the world's most rapid."

Batman: "Better put 5 cents in the meter."
Robin: "No policeman's going to give the Batmobile a ticket."
Batman: "This money goes to building better roads. We all must do our part."

Robin: "You can't get away from Batman that easy!"
Batman: "Easily."
Robin: "Easily."
Batman: "Good grammar is essential, Robin."
Robin: "Thank you."
Batman: "You're welcome."

Robin: "Holy molars! Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth!"
Batman: "True. You owe your life to dental hygiene."

Bruce: "Yes, Dick, your bird calls are close to perfect. If more people practiced them, someday we might have a chance for real communication with our feathered friends."
Dick: "In that case I think I'll polish up my ruby-crowned kinglet and my rose-breasted yellow-tailed grouse-beak calls."

Robin: "That's an impossible shot, Batman."
Batman: "That's a negative attitude, Robin."

Batman: "The green button will turn the car a la escarda o a la drecia."
Robin: "To the left or right. Threw in a little Spanish on me, huh, Batman?"
Batman: "One should always keep abreast of foreign tongues, Robin."

Dick: "Gosh, Economics is sure a dull subject."
Bruce: "Oh, you must be jesting, Dick. Economics dull? The glamour, the romance of commerce... Hmm. It's the very lifeblood of our country's society."

Robin: "Picked up the seal pulsator yet, Batman?"
Batman: "We're still over land, Robin, and a seal is an aquatic, marine mammal."
Robin: "Gosh, yes, Batman, I forgot."

StupidLikeAFox

Robin: "Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?"
Batman: "The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin."

Batman: "Go back outside and calm the flower children."
Robin: "They'll mob me!"
Batman: "Groovy."

Batman: "You know your neosauruses well, Robin. Peanut butter sandwiches it is."

Robin: "You give yourselves up without a struggle, we'll try and make things easier for you."
Batman: "And if not you may be severely pummelled about the head and shoulders."

Shame: "Don't make a move Batman, or I'll fill you full a' lead."
Batman: "You can't frighten us with a vague threat, Shame."

Robin: "It won't help you, Joker. Bruce Wayne will press charges. He was born on top of the social ladder!"
Bruce: "Yes, I am reasonably secure, socially."

Batman (speaking on morning radio show): "This message is for King Tut only. I request all other citizens to comply with my wishes and shut their radios off for the next 30 seconds."

Batman to Catwoman: "Don't try to pull the wool over our eye-slits."

Bruce to Joker: "No thank you, I never use tobacco in any form."

Robin, about Batgirl: "She's gone again! For once, Batman, let's follow her."
Batman: "No, Robin. With my head sticking out of this neosaurus costume, I might not appear like an ordinary, run of the mill crimefighter."

Bruce: "Just because we're traveling, I don't think that Dick should neglect his studies, so we brought along one thousand key works of literature, his biological specimens, and also his own desk."
Dick: "Yes, I expect to study hard."

Superintendent Watson: "Well, I think this calls for a cup of char at venerable Ireland Yard."
Robin: "Char?"
Batman: "Yes, Robin, a colloquialism for tea."

Catwoman: "Let noone say that Catwoman is not the best-dressed woman in the world."
Batman: "There are no fashion shows where you're going, Catwoman."
Robin: "And how could a feline feloness like you also be a fashion model?"
Batman: "Ah-ah. Give credit where credit is due, Robin. She may be evil, but she is attractive. You'll know more about that in a couple of years."

Robin: "If we close our eyes, we can't see anything."
Batman: "A sound observation, Robin."

Batman: "What took you so long, Batgirl?"
Batgirl: "Rush hour traffic, plus all the lights were against me. And you wouldn't want me to speed, would you?"
Robin: "Your good driving habits almost cost us our lives!"
Batman: "Rules are rules, Robin. But you do have a point."

Batman: "Cattail Lane and Nine Lives Alley. The Grimalkin Novelty Company is on that corner."
Robin: "Grimalkin? What kind of a name is that?"
Batman: "An obscure but nevertheless acceptable synonym for cat, Robin."

Robin, looking at Batgirl: "You know something, Batman?"
Batman: "What's that, Robin?"
Robin: "She looks very pretty when she's asleep."
Batman: "I thought you might eventually notice that. That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum."

Catwoman (about her tiger which is about to eat Batman): "It's been a very long time between bites for Tinkerbell."
Batman: "You should take better care of him, Catwoman. After all, pets are a responsibility."

Batman: "I've heard that song before, Catwoman. And the last few bars are always the same - the criminal is always behind them."

Batman (to Catwoman): "There is more than one way to skin a cat, woman."

Batman (to King Tut): "You thought you had unhinged me. I kept my reason by reciting the multiplication tables backwards."

Black Widow: "Well, Bat-doll, perhaps you'd like some champagne."
Batman: "No, I never touch spirits. Have you some milk?"

Batman: "A gun? Aren't you a little above that, Doctor Cassandra? Noooooo style."

Batman, during Bat-climb: "I wish we could help you, citizen, but we're just a couple of ordinary crimefighters going about our mundane business."

Susie Knickerbocker: "I hear millionaire Bruce Wayne is really one of the hippies. All that marvelous money and fantastic Wayne Manor..."
Batman: "Stately Wayne Manor!"

Robin: "If we land on the beach, Batman, we might hurt someone."
Batman: "And cause undue attention, old chum. We'll set down at Pelican Cove, just north of Gotham Point, and walk down the beach just like ordinary people."

Bruce (on the phone): "Hello, Ibn Mugdash? This is Bruce Wayne. No, no, it's not about my oil interests."

Robin: "Gosh, if I could just figure out that riddle. Why can't I get it?"
Batman: "Maybe your mind's on that cute little teenager who waved to you on the way across town, eh?"
Robin: "Awww, come on, Batman."

Dick: "Awww, heck! What's the use of learning French anyway?"
Bruce: "Dick, I'm surprised at you! Language is the key to world peace. If we all spoke each other's tongues, perhaps the scourge of war would be ended forever."
Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, yes. I'll get these darn verbs if they kill me!"

Batgirl, about the Special Escaped Archcriminal Bat-locator: "That must come in quite handy."
Batman: "Quite. Every crimefighter should have one."

Robin: "Then when you thought you were stopping him with your utility belt, he was really stopping us with his!"
Batman: "The tricky devil. He's hit us below the belt!"

Ticket vendor: "No charge. You can go right in."
Batman: "No, I'd rather pay just like every other ordinary citizen."

Bruce (after seeing Commissioner Gordon being shot on TV): "This is one time we don't wait for the Batphone."

Robin (as Batman tries to call the Batcave): "Do you think Alfred is there?"
Batman: "He is a creature of well disciplined habits. It's his regular time for dusting the Atomic Pile."

Robin (about to break into hideout): "Can I go first? I want to see their faces...."
Batman (stopping Robin): "Dynamic seniority."

Maharajah (writing a cheque): "'Pay to the order of Batman...' "
Batman: "One 'T'."

Dick Grayson: "Who is it, Bruce? Has the Penguin kidnapped someone special?"
Bruce Wayne: "Dick, I'm afraid you better put your Latin verbs aside for the nonce. The kidnapped man is Alfred."

Batman: "New slogan, same old Tut."

Dick: "Wow! The rings of Saturn! This is sure some fun, Bruce."
Bruce: "Astronomy is more than mere fun, Dick."
Dick: "It is?"
Bruce: "Yes, it helps give us a sense of proportion. Reminds us how little we are, really. People tend to forget that sometimes."
Dick: "Gosh yes, that's right. I'll bet I see those rings a little differently this time!"

Batman to Robin: "Stop fiddling with that atomic pile and come down here!"

Batman: "Robin, you haven't fastened your safety bat-belt."
Robin: "We're only going a couple of blocks."
Batman: "It won't be long until you are old enough to get a driver's license, Robin, and you'll be able to drive the Batmobile and other vehicles. Remember, motorist safety."
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, when you put it that way.."

Dick Grayson: "I thought Lima was the capital of Equador."
Bruce Wayne: "As you can see, I was right. It's the capital of Peru."
Aunt Harriet: "Oh, I just love this game of capitals. It's just so educational!"
Bruce: "Not only that, if we don't know all about our friends to the south, how can we can carry out our good neighbor policy?"

Bruce: "Most Americans don't realize what we owe to the ancient Incas. Very few appreciate they gave us the white potato and many varieties of Indian corn."
Dick: "Now whenever I eat mashed potatos, I for one will think of the Incas."

Dick (working on a jigsaw puzzle): "It's so much harder with the pieces upside down."
Bruce: "Of course. Think of what excellent training it is for your visual memory."
Dick: "Gosh yes, I guess that's true."

Batman to Gordon and O'Hara: "We have tickets for tonight's finals in the Gotham City Miss Galaxy Contest. I know Robin is a little young for this sort of thing, but --"
Robin: "I'm not going to be young all my life, Batman, and besides, uh, beauty contests are practically an American institution!"
Batman: "You see, gentlemen, such pure logic is indisputable."

Batman: "Come on, Robin. Let's help a little old lady across the street, and into the penitentiary."

Gordon: "That leaves only Bruce Wayne."
Robin: "I wonder where he is?"
Batman: "Unquestionably out doing something inconsequential with his youthful ward, Dick Grayson. You know how those millionaire playboys are."

Child, looking at poster of Batman and Robin: "Boo, Batman!"
Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, did you hear that?"
Bruce: "Nothing has ever cut me so deeply to the quick. No blow ever struck by any archvillain has ever hurt me so acutely as that little boy's 'boo'."

Barbara: "I didn't know you were a student of the classics."
Robin: "Batman teaches me a little poetry in between remanding criminals to jail."
Batman: "Enough prose and cons, Robin."

Alfred: "Dinner time, sir."
Batman: "A peanut butter and water crest sandwich and a glass of milk would have been sufficient enough, Alfred."

Batman: "Ma Parker's girl is more dangerous than her three boys."
Robin: "Her legs sort of reminded me of Catwoman's."
Batman: "You're growing up, Robin. Remember, in crime-fighting always keep your sights raised."

petes

Batman: "Just as I expected. The agile crook also managed to slip an induction receiving antenna into your left trouser leg."


Classic.

Adam

One classic you missed...

Batman and Robin dangling precariously over a cauldron of something dobutless lethal;
Batman:If I could just reflect the sunlight off my highly polished belt buckle...

That made me laugh endlessly! Brilliant!