Qantas Airlines - Funny

Funkstard

I received this in an email and decided to share it with you all.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are
some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that
has never had an
accident.

Enjoy!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockadoodledoopit.
S: Something tightened in cockadoodledoopit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockadoodledoopit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Shabadu

Funneh stuff.

petes

Its an oldie but still great, havent seen it in ages especially

P: Mouse in cockadoodledoopit.
S: Cat installed.

kittenkiller

Funkstard wrote:

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

But now what do i have to play with!
O, ok, here comes the cat!

meditraitor

funny stuff

Gilgamesh

great stuff

okidoki987

LOL
Would AL or Ryanair mechanics be as funny?

k99_64

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

Excellent

LoneGunM@n

Funkstard wrote:

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Brilliant

MrJoeSoap

Funkstard wrote:

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Good one !

lovell

superb, laughing from start to finish