Boyfriend went to Lap Dancing Club

Nuttzz

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Jesus. This really sums it up for me. (Not getting at you here Nuttzz, just generally.)

I mean, I am totally, absolutely and utterly dumbfounded.

For €75, you can touch her up. Go on, spend your money, have a squeeze of her knockers. She'll probably smile at you, and you can pretend she likes you.

sums up what happened to an acquaintance of mine, sold his company for £1m back at the height of the dot com boom, and went mad on strippers, dropping 6-700 a night, even got "engaged" to one until his father intervened.

Some men will always go for the laugh (I do the odd time and let herself know) its really down to the intentions of the bloke going. One of my friends regularly goes for his €75 "intimate" dances because, in his own words, "an ugly bloke like me wouldnt get to feel up a pretty girl any other way". Sad and I'm sure his issues could fill this forum, but that is who he is & how he feels.

The Sweeper

Okay, but is he single?

Nuttzz

yes, but the sad thing his he doesnt even try as he has the "safety net" of his "girls"... his view is I can spend X with a girl in a pub and get nothing, at least this way Im gauranteed something. Diffent topic though

iguana

monkeyfudge wrote:

Yes. You're correct. But it's the same reason that the majority of workers in Burger King are of foreign extraction.

That is not true. When the first lap dancing club in Limerick opened up, Lapello's I think it was called. They issued as part of their press release a statement saying that they were not looking to recruit any local dancers as those positions had been filled by women from Eastern Europe. They were however looking to hire, bouncers and bar people locally.

Why do you think that was?

Zulu wrote:

You're great. Good for you. You ever been invited to a stag then? Have any friends that like to visit lapdance clubs then? Have any male friends?

I've not been to a stag night but my boyfriend has been to a few. None of which have ever ended in a strip club. Last year at a friend's stag the groom asked him privately before they went out to ensure that they didn't end up in a strip club. He said that he entended to get so pissed that he would end up going along if the others insisted but he would hate himself the next day (as would his fiancee) so he made sure that he had someone he trusted to veto it. Somebody did suggest it, but everyone else was far happier to go for food instead.

I also remeber talking to a male friend about a mutual friends stag night (one of about 7 stag nights this guy had). The stag got quite drunk and was peer pressured into going to a strip club. The guy I was talking to said he went for a private dance "to see what it was like." Then he tried to buy one for the stag, who had sobered up a bit and refused. He told him he had his fiancee and he had no want or need for a stripper. And he left the club.

Lots of guys do stupid s**t to their car such as adding spoilers and uv lights and lowering them nearer to the ground. Most guys don't. Yet the ones who do tend to be quite loud about it.

Lots of guys go to strip clubs, most don't. You just rarely hear the ones who don't go bang on about it or insult those who disagree with them.

To the op, if you are still reading this, YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND. Find out what happened on the 2nd visit. Make sure he is aware of how you feel. Perhaps he doesn't know how upset you are? Any decision you make should made after talking to him.

Shabadu

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

So rather than address the points I raised you have resorted to the childish tactic of pretending to be me? And there was me thinking we could debate this issue in an intelligent fashion...

Really?

1) you did not address my points.
2) you posted in an insulting fashion after my first post.
3) you have consistently failed to put forward any intelligent arguements,
instead you rely on a mix of insult and opinion.

Purlease forgive me for responding in kind.

*I'm soooooo ssooooooooooo sorry*

Yet more childishness. I guess this is what happens when a person is unable to respond to intelligent points. They have to pretend to be the person they were arguing against. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery and all that...

Wow. You have never heard of parody, I see. Here is a handy definition.

btw- What intelligent points? Where? That gibberish? Pffft

I asked you in my last post to you to point out how I made out a woman with an opinion was a feminazi. You have failed to do this and repeat your earlier untrue accusation. You have been found out. How about you actually back up your accusations with proof? I'll even avoid using a rolleyes smiley in the hope you will do this. I doubt you will though.

So you're denying accusing a certain amount of women on this thread feminazi's? Because you did, you know. If you don't have the courage to admit who you were talking about, fine. But even Gordon, one of the PI mods said you did call some of the women feminazis.

IMO the women on this thread have been making their points and opinions heard. You have the gall to not only insult them, but to bring gender into the insult? Scum.

This is what you posted, while quoting Tinkerbell, who was expressing her opinion.

"On issues like this the feminazis always come out and go overboard."

IMO issues like this like this bring out all the misogynists.

But of course, according to your logic this means I'm not really insulting anyone.

I think most people would agree with me that it is disappointing you have resorted to getting so personal just because you are unable or unwilling to answer points I raise that you find too taxing. If my points make you mad, point out why instead of acting so childish.

Really? I think most people would have considered it a humourous and accurate portrayal of your consistently idiotic posts and your double-standards when it comes to demanding we recognise your opinion, while refusing to recognise ours.

You, sir, are a cabbage.

Mr.Nice Guy

Shabadu wrote:

Really?

1) you did not address my points.
2) you posted in an insulting fashion after my first post.
3) you have consistently failed to put forward any intelligent arguements,
instead you rely on a mix of insult and opinion.

Purlease forgive me for responding in kind.

*I'm soooooo ssooooooooooo sorry*

1) I did address your points. When I did so you told me not to jump to comclusions when I had hit the nail on the head.
2) I made no insults. How did I insult you? You have insulted me repeatedly including on your most recent post.
3) My arguments have been intelligent. For you to accuse me of relying on "a mix of insult and opinion" is the height of hypocrisy. Look in the mirror!

Shabadu wrote:

Wow. You have never heard of parody, I see. Here is a handy definition.

If I wanted parody I'd go to the comedy forum. I wanted to debate the points at hand not deal with the rantings of an aggressive and immature person.

Shabadu wrote:

btw- What intelligent points? Where? That gibberish? Pffft

A quick read over your posts on this thread will reveal that it is you that is spouting gibberish.

Shabadu wrote:

So you're denying accusing a certain amount of women on this thread feminazi's? Because you did, you know. If you don't have the courage to admit who you were talking about, fine. But even Gordon, one of the PI mods said you did call some of the women feminazis.

I called no one on this thread a feminazi. Gordon knows me quite well and he knows that if I wanted to say someting I'm not the kind of guy to hold back.

Shabadu wrote:

IMO the women on this thread have been making their points and opinions heard. You have the gall to not only insult them, but to bring gender into the insult? Scum.

You are calling me "scum"? That's an atrocious comment and I ought to report you for that sickening remark. You have let yourself down big time with that comment.

Shabadu wrote:

This is what you posted, while quoting Tinkerbell, who was expressing her opinion.

"On issues like this the feminazis always come out and go overboard."

IMO issues like this like this bring out all the misogynists.

If you think I directed the feminazi comment at tinkerbell you are way off the mark. Did you know that me and tinkerbell have PM'd each other on numerous occasions? Do you know that tinkerbell is someone I respect a great deal and who I have told this to? You are talking out of your arse and don't have a clue. PM tinkerbell if you think I'm lying.

Shabadu wrote:

Really? I think most people would have considered it a humourous and accurate portrayal of your consistently idiotic posts and your double-standards when it comes to demanding we recognise your opinion, while refusing to recognise ours.

You, sir, are a cabbage.

And you, miss, are beneath contempt. You are wrong on me on so many counts it would be amusing if it weren't so serious. You have the gall to call me scum? I would love to call you a few things too but I won't sink to your pathetic level. You are a disgrace.

Shabadu

*yawn*

Mr.Nice Guy

Shabadu wrote:

*yawn*

Sums you up pretty well.

Shabadu

Yep, me, yawning at you does sum me up pretty well.

Mr.Nice Guy

Shabadu wrote:

Yep, me, yawning at you does sum me up pretty well.

It sure does.

DublinWriter

To quote Chris Rock, "A man is only as faithfull as his options will allow".

To be honest, if our lapdancing friend went with a bunch of drunken mates, and it was only the once, fair enough.

But this guy went twice. Twice on his own. Twice on his own and blew close to a grand.

Hmmmmm.

Secondly, why does every discussion here end up with two people having a hissy fit at each other? It's gets boring after a while.

Zulu

iguana wrote:

Lots of guys go to strip clubs, most don't. You just rarely hear the ones who don't go bang on about it or insult those who disagree with them.

Indeed - I'd love to agree, but I was insulted after my very first post on this thread! So it would appear your logic dosen't hold true there.

I would also suggest, that like porn - it's not information someone is readily going to volunteer.
For example: if, someone makes it clear they disaprove of lap dancing - guys are hardly going to flock forward and admit to visiting them. We can tend to be a bit reserved still.

Gordon

Shabadu and MNG stop your bickering please.

ionapaul

Zulu wrote:

Indeed - I'd love to agree, but I was insulted after my very first post on this thread! So it would appear your logic dosen't hold true there.

I would also suggest, that like porn - it's not information someone is readily going to volunteer.
For example: if, someone makes it clear they disaprove of lap dancing - guys are hardly going to flock forward and admit to visiting them. We can tend to be a bit reserved still.

To be very fair though, someone earlier mentioned that women should realise that 'most' men do something like the OP's boyfriend at some stage, which needs to be pointed out as utter rubbish. Most men do not go to strip clubs alone, only a very VERY small minority, and only a minority of those would spend €900 on two dances! Many men may have been to strip clubs in their lives on special occasions with friends, as a laugh, though I imagine (based on my experiences and those of the friends I went with and talk about it) most have not paid for lapdances...those that were comfortable with lapdances got them after they were paid for by mates, again for a laugh.

Spending €900 on private dances by yourself and hiding this from your girlfriend (which is natural, it is something that you would be worried about sharing!)...that is not typical male behaviour by any means.

Salaco

Honestly, this peon should be dumped for idiocy alone. Either he is lying and sampled the merchandise plenty of times for his 900, or he is an imbecile. Dumpin grounds in either case. :cool:

Zulu

ionapaul wrote:

To be very fair though, someone earlier mentioned that women should realise that 'most' men do something like the OP's boyfriend at some stage...

That would have been me I believe.

What I was suggesting was that most men will visit a lapdancing club at some stage in their adult lives, and ogle/leer at semi-naked/naked women. I was suggesting that if that was her problem - then she run into it again if she dumps him.
Naturally, I'm assuming, that her real problem is that she believed more than ogling/leering went on (due to amounts of money changing hands) which probably wasn't.

...so to summarise:
a) if she wants to dump him because he leers at semi naked women, then she'll run into this issue again, or live a lonely life.

b) if she wants to dump him because she believes he slept with a lapdancer, she's probably got the wrong end of the stick, as he probably was just having private lapdances.

c) if she wants to dump him because of a break of trust, well, she needs to decide how serious this break of trust is. Did he hide the fact because he was embarrassed/minor offence/didn't intentionally set out to hurt her/human mistake or because he was doing something untoward/major offence/knowingly jeopardising the relationship.

They've been together 6 years. They've made mistakes and forgiven each other. Is this the right reason to walk?

pickarooney

ionapaul wrote:

...those that were comfortable with lapdances got them after they were paid for by mates, again for a laugh.

Reminds me of my mate's rather embarassing experience when his mates dragged him to a strip-club and bought him a lapdance despite his protestations. When after ten minutes of gyrating on his groin the lady's efforts had produced not a peep from down below, she finished up quickly and left, mortified and he was more or less forced out of the closet.

pickarooney

Zulu wrote:

That would have been me I believe.

What I was suggesting was that most men will visit a lapdancing club at some stage in their adult lives, and ogle/leer at semi-naked/naked women. I was suggesting that if that was her problem - then she run into it again if she dumps him.
Naturally, I'm assuming, that her real problem is that she believed more than ogling/leering went on (due to amounts of money changing hands) which probably wasn't.

...so to summarise:
a) if she wants to dump him because he leers at semi naked women, then she'll run into this issue again, or live a lonely life.

b) if she wants to dump him because she believes he slept with a lapdancer, she's probably got the wrong end of the stick, as he probably was just having private lapdances.

c) if she wants to dump him because of a break of trust, well, she needs to decide how serious this break of trust is. Did he hide the fact because he was embarrassed/minor offence/didn't intentionally set out to hurt her/human mistake or because he was doing something untoward/major offence/knowingly jeopardising the relationship.

They've been together 6 years. They've made mistakes and forgiven each other. Is this the right reason to walk?

don't forget d) pissing away €900 of what she may consider to be their money, depending on their situation.

Zulu

pickarooney wrote:

don't forget d) pissing away €900 of what she may consider to be their money, depending on their situation.

Well I reckon she would have siad "my/their money" if it was so.
I'm going with the assumption it was his money until told otherwise.

~Rebel~

Personally i think the money involved just makes him an idiot, its the doing something sexual with another woman that his wife isn't comfortable about thats the problem. To be honest i'd be freakin if my girlfriend went on her own to a male strip club and paid for some man to shake his cock in her face. If the other partner isn't ok with that kind of sexual action with someone else it shouldn't be done. end of story.

echomadman

With regards to the "sex-slave industry" aspects of this thread, I'm pretty sure its not a factor in the remaining club in limerick, there are a few irish girls working there, as well as various other nationalities, but the atmosphere is friendly and there are no thuggish goons around bullying the girls or withholding passports or any other typical horror stories.

Hard as it may be for a lot of you to believe, people do go there to ogle exotic looking ladies in various states of undress, and they do spend silly amounts of money for what amounts to very little, but hey its their money, maybe it makes them feel important.

*never* use the toilets in any way that requires you to make physical contact with anything though.










ever


maybe you should go with him sometime OP, if ye split the cost it's only 150 each

Girl Confused

I have broken up with my boyfriend because of this, I told him that I could not trust him anymore and I deserved better than this. He is trying really hard to get back with me but I don't think that I will be taking him back.

Beruthiel

girl confused
sorry to hear that things did not work out for you, but if he cannot be trusted then it's probably for the best.
do you wish me to close this thread or leave it open?
B

Aurther Hugh

Girl Confused wrote:

I have broken up with my boyfriend because of this, I told him that I could not trust him anymore and I deserved better than this. He is trying really hard to get back with me but I don't think that I will be taking him back.

Really pleased to read this. To acknowledge that you deserve something better shows real character on your part and you should try and remember this feeling if you ever feel lonely and want to contact him to ease these temporary pangs. Go into life as a single lady with this attitude and you'll surely find someone who sees you as the precious thing you are. Good Luck and best wishes to you.
AH out.

jimzx90

Aurther Hugh wrote:

Go into life as a single lady with this attitude and you'll surely find someone who sees you as the precious thing you are. Good Luck and best wishes to you.
AH out.

Go Ricki Go Ricki..........

Scarinae

Girl Confused wrote:

I have broken up with my boyfriend because of this, I told him that I could not trust him anymore and I deserved better than this. He is trying really hard to get back with me but I don't think that I will be taking him back.

I'm sorry that you've had your heart broken over this guy... Sounds like he didn't appreciate what he had

Shabadu

=( I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. Now go enjoy being young, free and single!

tintinr35

six years down the pan all because he went to a lapdancing club............ya that was smart. wat a waste woman,(shoud have clarified this i think u are cracked for breaking up with him over that i mean 6 years woman ) cop on to urself

Seraphina

Girl Confused wrote:

I have broken up with my boyfriend because of this, I told him that I could not trust him anymore and I deserved better than this. He is trying really hard to get back with me but I don't think that I will be taking him back.

im really sorry things didn't work out, but i'm glad you stood up for what you believed in. it'll hurt for a while, but i would take that over suspicions and lack of trust any day. the insecurity probably would have ruined it in a while anyway.

best of luck girlie!

Gordon

tintinr35 wrote:

six years down the pan all because he went to a lapdancing club............ya that was smart. wat a waste man, cop on to urself

Yeah he was a bit foolish wasn't he.

tinkerbell

Ya know, if the OP's bf had considered what his girlfriend might think about him spend a grand on some ho to give him a lapdance, then maybe she wouldn't have had to break up with him in the first place!

If she feels she can't trust him, then that's her decision, and nobody should criticise her for it.

Mr.Nice Guy

No point in having a relationship if the trust is gone but I sympathise with the guy. That's a heartbreaking situation without a doubt.

Victor

Can people be a little more tolerant of and towards

Each other.

The original poster and her partner.

Sex Workers.

rsynnott

He didn't ask first, no? If not, then it seems he has very little respect for you.

EDIT: Ah, hadn't read to end. Hope you're okay

Scarinae

tintinr35 wrote:

six years down the pan all because he went to a lapdancing club............ya that was smart. wat a waste woman,(shoud have clarified this i think u are cracked for breaking up with him over that i mean 6 years woman ) cop on to urself

Well I would have broken up with him too if I was in that situation

tintinr35

shows the difference between the attitudes of men and women tho, if u had gone to a strip club do ya think he would have broken up with u. honeslty........women

~Rebel~

tintinr35 wrote:

shows the difference between the attitudes of men and women tho, if u had gone to a strip club do ya think he would have broken up with u. honeslty........women

obviously you didn't read the whole thread.

personally can safely say if my girlfriend went on her own to a stripclub and spent €900 on private dances behind my back knowing i was uncomfortable with it we'd be so broken up its unreal. Sympathy's to the OP, 6years is a long time..

Scarinae

tintinr35 wrote:

shows the difference between the attitudes of men and women tho, if u had gone to a strip club do ya think he would have broken up with u. honeslty........women

Well, yes actually! My boyfriend probably would. But then again there's no way in hell I'd ever go to a strip club in the first place. Why "honeslty........women"? Some women wouldn't mind at all. Some women like porn. But I'm not one of those women, and either is the OP, so stop being so rude

tintinr35

Fishie wrote:

Some women like porn.

who mentioned porn?? going to a strip club is not porn. and it seems that if ur boyfriend would break up with u over going to see a strip club he obviously does not trust u very much!! well thats my opinion but its only an opinion :eek:

JuliusFranco

i just read this really awful thread. it terrible that this couple have split up

it's sickening that there are some people posting on this tread who love to get hysterical and seek attention for themselves when there's some poor girl who life is being torn apart asking for help. they don't really give a shít about this girl or her personal issue. this tread is all about them!
To those people - Fúck you all!

Shabadu

JuliusFranco wrote:

i just read this really awful thread. it terrible that this couple have split up

it's sickening that there are some people posting on this tread who love to get hysterical and seek attention for themselves when there's some poor girl who life is being torn apart asking for help. they don't really give a shít about this girl or her personal issue. this tread is all about them!
To those people - Fúck you all!

*ahem*

Your only post on this thread has been hysterical, attention seeking, and hardly contributing anything helpful to the OP. Are you including yourself in the group of people you tell to go fu(k themselves?

secret_squirrel

Girl Confused wrote:

I have broken up with my boyfriend because of this, I told him that I could not trust him anymore and I deserved better than this. He is trying really hard to get back with me but I don't think that I will be taking him back.

Im sorry for your pain - but it seems almost completely self inflicted. Are you really throwing 6 years away because of a couple of visits to lapdancing places?
As previous posters have said you can easily spend the kind of amounts he did in Angels or similar - I'd lay good odds it was on several dances not just one though. (€120 is the max in angels as far as I can remember) They usually serve lots of cheap beer and let you pay by credit card - and have no qualms about taking your money when you're too wasted to know any better. (Not justifying it, just stating a fact).

Yes its not very nice but imo not any worse than him sitting at home whacking off to porn or just to a fantasy in his head.

Personally I think whats haunting you is your overblown idea of what goes on in a lapdancing club. Its mere titilliation. The chances of them even allowing him any non-passive contact with them is tiny.

Men are weak willed people who can very easily be led around with thier dicks, compared to what a lot of men would have got up to you are lucky.

Did you not try and talk over why he feels the need to visit lapdancing clubs on his own?
Would you ever consider checking one out yourself to reassure yourself - most of the dancers are very friendly towards a fellow female.

Aurther Hugh

secret_squirrel wrote:

Men are weak willed people who can very easily be led around with thier dicks, compared to what a lot of men would have got up to you are lucky.

So women should let them away with anything !? AND just be pleased that his dick hasn't led him to do something worse.
Lad culture gone mad.

secret_squirrel

Aurther Hugh wrote:

So women should let them away with anything !? AND just be pleased that his dick hasn't led him to do something worse.
Lad culture gone mad.

Constructive post :rolleyes: - where in my post does it say either of those things?
I was merely attempting to point out that by the standards of a lot of men the guy is a paragon of virtue. I would also suggest that the majority of men would have no qualms about going to a lap dancing club, and its one of those things that show up the gulf between what goes on in the heads of men and women.

I would hope that any relationships I have had that lasted fraction of the time of the OP's, would be strong enough to survive this guy's 'transgressions'.

OP has it occured to you that he concealed his visits because he knew you would react this way? Why exactly is it such a breach of trust to you? Is it the sums of money involved? the sexual aspect?

Victor

Victor wrote:

Can people be a little more tolerant of and towards

Each other.
The original poster and her partner.
Sex Workers.

JuliusFranco wrote:

To those people - Fúck you all!

Banned.

Aurther Hugh

secret_squirrel wrote:

Constructive post :rolleyes: - where in my post does it say either of those things?

Erm....in the bit I quoted

Shabadu

secret_squirrel wrote:

Men are weak willed people who can very easily be led around with thier dicks, compared to what a lot of men would have got up to you are lucky.

In fairness SS, it does come across like you are saying she's lucky he didn't do anything worse.

secret_squirrel

Aurther Hugh wrote:

Erm....in the bit I quoted

Actually thats your interpretation of what I said.

Shabadu wrote:

In fairness SS, it does come across like you are saying she's lucky he didn't do anything worse.

That is closer to what Im saying - and not the same as Aurther's interpretation. The thrust of the arguement I was trying to make is that imo the offence is pretty trivial and could have been dealt with without going for the nuclear option. Im not saying let him get away with it if the OP believes there was a breach of trust (bear in mind, he might not regard it as a breach of trust) - however there were a range of options she could have chosen to deal with the situation other than - to my mind - dumping - which surely should be a last resort for a 6 year relationship where they were still in love.

The trouble seems to be that in a lot of posters minds going to a lap dancing club is synonymous with cheating - when to my mind its no worse than entertaining a fantasy - and lets be honest we've all been guilty of that one time or another. Lap dancing is 99% mental masturbation 1% physical contact and essentially no worse than wacking off to porn or a fantasy.

Now if it was shared money...then all bets are off....

Shabadu

I suppose the whole crux is still that no-one but the people in a relationship know the ins and outs of that relationship...er...no pun intended.

As i've said before, a private dance would be crossing the line in my relationship, for both of us, but there are no objections to going to a strip club with a gang.

In this relationship, the OP's boyfriend decieved her. He didn't tell her where he was going or what was going on, and therefore he can't fall back on the defense that she didn't specifically tell him she was uncomfortable with it.

At the end of the day, the OP feels her trust was broken, and I trust her opinion on it seeing as she is the one in the relationship.

EPO_MAN

600 sheets on half hour lap dancer?
Haven't been in a few years but that's a bit steep.
either he was doing something or he was ripped off.