GF wants my email password

the vivster

ok pwd123 after 3 pages of deliberating what are you going to do??

the_syco

Give her the password, and change it in a weeks time. Oh, and tell your GF about spam. Heard a few stories of GF's reacting badly to their BF's spam.

daithimac

I don't see why you should, if it was me i'd say "hay WOMAN, NO! i'm not givin you no damm password now get me my DINNER" but thats just me . on the other hand you could set up a new E-mail address for anything you want to keep hidden from her. If there is anything you want to keep hidden from her. if there is not then whats the problem. give her the password DAMMIT

simu

If you're a bit of a chicken, give her your password and get a second e-mail account. But that would be pretty pathetic...

vector

I would say no.

As in all events in life, you can use a technicality,

In this case the way is find the terms and conditions of your email provider/host and show her the section where you agree to safeguard you password.

Email here the relevant text expressing, in a cloaked pithy manner, that while you would like to share your password in the spirit of mutual openness your existing contractual obligations preclude you from doing so.

Or if you are hosting the email yourself, give here the user and pass and forward all incoming mail to another address, all will look good to here (she can login without errors) you will just "happen" to not be getting mail.

If you host allows it exclude some addresses/subjects from the subject to allow occasional spam through for authenticity.

iguana

How long are ye together? If it's just a short time and the relationship isn't that serious then I wouldn't give her the password unless you felt comfortable with it. Tell her you are sorry but you just wouldn't feel comfortable with it.

When I was with my bf for about 3 weeks I gave him my password so he could access my address book. Shortly after I changed it as I didn't feel comfortable that he had it. But that was years ago.

Now we each have all of each others passwords for everything. Pin numbers, bank a/c details. We occasionally open each others mail. That is the kind of thing that happens in long term relationships. Not always but most of the time, it comes as a mixture of trust and convience.

She probably wants your password, less because she doesn't trust you but more because if you trust her with it, it marks a significant step in your relationship, a modern day equivelant of getting the keys to your flat.

If that isn't something you want to do or aren't ready to do then don't do it. But perhaps if you are serious about her there is some other way to show her that you care?

iguana

vector wrote:

As in all events in life, you can use a technicality,

In this case the way is find the terms and conditions of your email provider/host and show her the section where you agree to safeguard you password.

Email here the relevant text expressing, in a cloaked pithy manner, that while you would like to share your password in the spirit of mutual openness your existing contractual obligations preclude you from doing so.

Do you have a girlfriend? She will eat him alive if he tries that. :eek:

4Xcut

don't get thick, don't reason , don't even think, just give her the password. I'm suggesting that you should always be whipped but choose when to stand your ground and when not to.

vector

iguana wrote:

Do you have a girlfriend? She will eat him alive if he tries that. :eek:

Yes, that is why I thought of the second solution that you didn't quote, ie forwarding all mail except for some spam.

chump

Jeesus why the fukk would he give her his password, if how he describes it is true, and she just gave him her password (and he didn't ask for it) that's her perrogative. No one should ever be asked to give over their password in a relationship of any kind. She's obviously severely paronoid and needs to cop on... If she is actually serious and persists give her the flick. That's my advice

iguana

vector wrote:

Yes, that is why I thought of the second solution that you didn't quote, ie forwarding all mail except for some spam.

Sorry, I was just kidding.

pickarooney

Is your password actually PWD123?

jimmycrackcorm

orla wrote:

If you've nothing to hide whats the problem?

Next you'll propose that he should not lock the bathroom door when he is taking a sh*te as he has nothing to hide there.

My other half used to ask to see my email until I said that if she did get to look in, it would be likely that I'd miss incoming mails that would become marked as read. It happened with snail mail - I had to reporta credit card missing because she liked to open up all my letters and dump them elsewhere.

Just becasue one might want to keep some things private doen't mean there is something to hide. Perhaps you might also feel it would be ok for the cops to burst in to your house whenever they liked as "you've nothing to hide".

vector

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

...Perhaps you might also feel it would be ok for the cops to burst in to your house whenever they liked as "you've nothing to hide".

jimmy, I agree,

<speech mode>
those who use the "if you have nothing to hide" argument are sitting on the thin end of the wedge, they would make envelopes illegal "if you have nothing to hide", give masterkeys to the police "if you have nothing to hide", they would allow, no... make that demand revenue univseral revenue audits, "if you have nothing to hide" they would strip from mankind the expectation and universal human right of privacy, we must stand against those amogst us who would promote to such invasions, such attacks on humanity itself. If history has taught us anything, and it surely has, then it is that individual rights are worth protecting.
</speech mode>

Capt'n Midnight

setup a new account as a spam magnet and give her that one..

password changes ASAP keeps everyone honest.

also gotta agree with the original gotcha - Nice One on her part.

vector

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

setup a new account as a spam magnet and give her that one...

but she will know his address is whipped@email.com she just won't buy that his username is something_other_than_whipped

Sherlock

The OP could suggest to her that she won't mind him listening in on the extension while she's having a natter with her mother/sister/best friend etc as she "has nothing to hide".

Seriously though one point that hasn't been made is that its not a question of OP having nothing to hide so why not let her have the password as respecting the confidentiality of the people emailing him. I often get emails from friends/relations bouncing ideas off me regarding work/problems of different types that I'm sure they wouldn't like being read by someone they don't know.

swiss

kasintahan wrote:

It's a well known and powerful psychological trick.

It's also quite clever since it is an effective leverage to attempt to guilt him into giving her his email password.

For the people taking the "what's to hide" approach I would also have to agree with jimmycrackcorm and vector. It has come down to an issue of privacy, and the fact that she is pressuring him leads me to distrust her motives. I well understand that the concept of privacy can become diluted in a relationship, and this is not necessarily a bad thing. However since she is trying to actively access his email without his consent I can only imagine that she is trying to find something incriminating, and as the saying goes people who look for trouble will find it.

For example, I've just reviewed my year old gmail account to see what potentially incriminating information could lie in there, and for the most part it is innocuous family email, "joke" forwards, soccer newsgroup mailings and college related notes and material. However, a few other emails such as registration information for other websites also falls in there somewhere, as well as reported post notifications. I've also found old Q auth password for IRC. Supposing I had not changed my password, what's to stop a reasonably suspicious person from using my details to auth themselves on IRC and - for example - start checking log history or having personal conversations with other contacts. Is that okay because I have "nothing to hide"? Where do I draw the line?

I also see this whole concept of guaranteeing to your girlfriend that your email is above board by giving out your password completely ludicrous. Who is to say that you didn't delete all the incriminating stuff first, and put a block or redirect on addresses from which you could receive such compromising material? Who is to say that is not what she did?

This isn't, IMO, about being "whipped" or compliant, or conversely, about showing her who is boss. This is about privacy and trust. It sounds like she has issues with both of these, hence her giving you her email password both to demonstrate (unsatisfactorarily I might add) that correspondence she received was innocuous and her insistence that you follow suit so she can make a similar verification.

Salaco

Set up a separate email account, send all your spam mail there, and give her the password to it. That will shut her up while keeping your personal **** on lockdown. :cool:

edit; my bad capn midnite, glad to see someone told him how to play it earlier..

Bard

Dump her.

Zulu

Actually Swiss - thats a great post.

OP dump her.

pickarooney

Still no answer on how/why exactly she came to give him her password though, we could all be barking up the wrong tree.

Bard

pickarooney wrote:

Still no answer on how/why exactly she came to give him her password though, we could all be barking up the wrong tree.

Eh, yes there was.

Paraphrased from his post, above:

Her ex was emailing her. She wanted to reply and said that he could read the emails if he wanted. She offered him the password, so that he could log in to read the emails (and possibly suggest how to reply). When he did log in and have a look, the emails appeared to be pretty harmless.

He says he didn't ask for the password. He shouldn't be forced to offer up the password for his own email account, but it seems clear that she wears the trousers in this relationship, so he probably will give it to her.

hussey

PWD123 wrote:

Ok to clear a few things up...

...her ex started emailing her out of the blue. She told me about it and asked me if I think she should reply. I said to ignore the emails as he treated her really ****ty in the past and dumped her. I thought what right has he to start emailing now. Anyway, she wanted to reply and she said I could read the emails if I wanted. She offered the password, I didn't ask for it. Curiosity got the better of me then and I did log in and have a look. It was all pretty harmless emails.

When she asked for my email password I refused. She said that I have her password so she should have mine. I said she can change her password if she likes but she is not getting mine.

I think she either trusts me or she doesn't, I don't need to give her access to my email to prove it.

Firstly she was very honest withh you about her ex mailing her.
if he treated her badly .. maybe he wanted to appologise? or just feeling guilty, I know I feel horrible about the way I treated people in the past

he offered you her password, and you still read her email .. if you were fully trusting then you wouldn't need to check?

I know we all go a little bit crazy when we hear the word Ex .. but the fact is you checked up on her even though she was honest with you. So you want her to trust you, even though you don't fully trust her??

egan007

3 words
I am gay
..........................................................homer

Willymuncher

Give her your password, and then in 2-4 weeks when its all blown over, change it! i'm sure nothing will be made of it then, if she feels the need to check your emails constantly and bitches at you about it even then, have a talk with her about trust.

pickarooney

Must've missed that post earlier. Weeell, you shouldn't have read the mail, on the principle that you trust her, but on the other hand she hasn't any particular reason to read yours, so give her a false password as a symbol of trust on the proviso that she not use it?

toyomi

Theres only one aswer for this

---

HELLL NO way give her your password, no way i'd give my boy mine or anyone else for that matter
shes silly for giving hers to you!!

spockety

Tell her to go and sh1te. There could be private e-mail in there from other people who have confided things with you that they don't want anyone else to know about, including your girlfriend.

muckwarrior

I'd never tell anyone my passwords!

Sarn

There is absolutely no reason to give her your password.

Say you give it to her and change it in a week.

One week later:
[Her] Why'd you change your password?
[You] For security, good idea to change passwords every now and then.....why'd you want to check my mail anyway?
[Her] No reason
[You] Hmmm.....
[Her] Can I have your new password, you've mine?
[You] need a trip to boards again
[Her] oh, could I get your online Vodafone/O2 password as well, just to check your bill......

We've seen how some posters in PI have gone through their bf's, gf's text messages etc. Sometimes people can't help themselves, keep temptation out of their way.

Personally I wouldn't want my significant others passwords and wouldn't expect to have to give them. The "if you've got nothing to hide" argument is not right. We're all entitled to our own personal space (virtual or not), everything needn't be shared. My mail is mostly full of work stuff and I still wouldn't give my password.

leeroybrown

If I were in this situation I'd more than likely have turned down the offer of the password and even if I knew it I wouldn't use it. I certainly wouldn't give anyone my password. Someone in a relationship doesn't really have anything to gain by delving into their partners e-mail.

Coney Island

Open a new email address that you will never use, fill it with some innocent emails from friends (you can even open several emails and send a few email to yourself), and give her the password....

So she is happy, and you keep your privacy.

tinkerbell

Haven't added my thoughts to this thread yet, so here goes ...

First off, I don't know why people are suggesting that he go set up a new email address, and give her the password for that address. If they are going out, then SURELY they know each other's primary email addresses. So she'd know he was giving out a fake one.

Second of all, you shouldn't have to give out your password if you don't want to.

It's not about "if you have nothing to hide, then go ahead". It's about your right to your own privacy. If you don't want to give your password, then you don't give your password. She played a sly trick on you by offering her password (and then asking you for yours in return).

As someone else suggested, maybe your friends wouldn't like your gf reading their private emails to you. Only if you want to give her your password, then you give it. If not, don't. And she better respect that, otherwise she has issues.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies lads & lassies. Interesting to read everyone's thoughts on the subject.

Anyway I've decided she won't be getting the password. She hasn't mentioned anything about it since the other day so hopefully it will all blow over, lol.

Karma

good luck with it mate. My current G/F doesn't have me email account password and I don't have hers, but that cyco! x does, off to change passwords I fink.
Trust in relationships is very important and some things need to be cleared up by talking instead of a simple answer, that suits. I personally see no reason for the password swapping except for a mutual convience. hope its all well.

cr

Set up a email address thats simular to your current address i.e
if your address is bill@bob.com then set up bill1@bob.com and give her the passowrd to that address,(also you might need to sign up to a few forums and sites so that there is some mail going to this account making her think this is you genuine email account!

Little Goose

PWD123 wrote:

Thanks for all the replies lads & lassies. Interesting to read everyone's thoughts on the subject.

Anyway I've decided she won't be getting the password. She hasn't mentioned anything about it since the other day so hopefully it will all blow over, lol.

Good for you! I think it's pure rubbish for ANYONE to ask for someone's password. That "What have you got to hide" crap doesn't wash with me either!

Zillah

Tell her that thats no way to live. Ask her to change her own password again and have none of this bull****. Tell her you trust her and have no intention of reading her email, and that she should feel similarily.


God there's so few adults in the world today.

kyper

I'd never do that... it worse than wanting to read your texts

po0k

Tell her to go stuff it.

I wouldn't give a girlfriend my ATM PIN, and that's only money and the PIN can be changed, but most email systems don't let you change the password (I'm talking about webmail stuff, not things where you can nudge the exim admin).

If she wants to read your email, counter with the classic "So you don't trust me? When have I ever given you reason not to trust me? I thought we were stronger than that".
Put her on the defensive.

Unless you do have something to hide, in that case, inform all parties concerned to use that new address and delete the offending mails from your inbox and outbox - and don't forget to clear the trash too.
And then decide if what you've got to hide is worth losing her over and how much she'd kick the crap out of you for doing whatever you might have done to upset her.

However, if you're innocent tell her to fúck right off.

rsynnott

I dunno, if the guy I was going out with wanted my email password, I'd say no. No question. But then, I'm funny about my privacy.

And I've yet to see a web-mail setup that doesn't let you change your password. I'm sure they exist, but they're not the norm.

Victor

you should give her your password after she transfers her bank balance to my account.

simu wrote:

If you're a bit of a chicken, give her your password and get a second e-mail account. But that would be pretty pathetic...

Second? How about fourth?

po0k

You are not your postcount.
You are not your number of email accounts.
You are not your broadband download cap.

BobTheBeat

pfft.. Tell her to get lost! Seems a bit pre meditated for my liking.. Everyone is entitled to some level of privacy in their lives. You should by right have refused to accept her password and just take her word on the ex situation. But hey, hindsight is always twenny twenny

insy_winsy

Hey, both me and my gf have esch others passwords, its not like we asked each other for them though.. it was one day she asked me to check her emails while she was out of work sick(i have a net connection at home she doesn't) and i did this for a while for her and the password just stuck in my head.. then when we moved out together i didn't have regular access so she checks it in work. she rings me i'll say log on she logs on and if theres anything to reply to she does! same when i did it for her.. i also have her atm pin and i'm second card holder(for her credit card). i trust her with my stuff and she trusts me. we also open mail of each others(unless its a card or parcel) incase we need to act on it.. ie bill, doctors appointment or the need to throw it away asap...junk mail)

Tar.Aldarion

SyxPak wrote:

Tell her to go stuff it.

I wouldn't give a girlfriend my ATM PIN

jaysus your not very trusting,my friends know mine i know theirs.what if your to lazy to go to the atm and some1s goin there!

CyberGhost

I think this thread have divided, the computer techies and the people who just use computer casualy,

of course if you are serious with computer, you won't want to give your password to anyone, but if you just use computer once in a while or just to post on boards, then of course you won't give a damn about a email password

it all depends on the original poster.

Emmo

A firm but respectful no.

Personal space and personal emails are ............... personal.

If she loves you she will respect this. If she doesnt then there are problems anyway.

Emmo

leeroybrown

CyberGhost wrote:

I think this thread have divided, the computer techies and the people who just use computer casualy,

As CyberGhost says, serious computer users will be naturally protective of passwords.

I've been managing e-mail systems for a number of years and one thing I've noticed over that time is that a lot of people get very touchy about the idea that anyone else could possibly be able to read their e-mail if they wanted. I wouldn't ask anyone else for their e-mail password on those grounds.