A rant about cork with respect to nights out.

nesf

Eh. Ok. Technically I could put this in PI but I'd like a cork specific opinion to it.

I'm an alternative minded kind of guy, I'm into rock/metal and as such am very limited in Cork as to pubs where I like the music. I go out with an old group of friends usually, but with random people I've met out on other nights on occasion. My old friends have a varied music taste, so we do work our way through our fair share of different pubs every weekend. Usually end up in the Brog, as tonight.

My rant is about women. Not that I can't pull, tbh pulling has never been a problem. It's with meeting a woman I'd actually consider being in a relationship with. In 2.5 years of wandering around single in this city I have not met a single woman that I wanted to be with in a relationship.

Maybe I'm too picky. But I've learned from a few past bad relationships that I can't just start a relationship with random girl x that I pull in a club. I'm a complicated guy and I have a lot of things about me that are not normal. I can't just randomly go out with a woman and go, hmmm, lets give this a go. My taste in women is very alternative to say the least. I'm attracted to the oddest women.

It's odd. If it was a problem with pulling I'd accept it, but tbh after 5-10 minutes of chatting to a woman in this city I get bored with them. Not that I've not pulled for the sake of pulling, I am human, but I know when I pull that it isn't going anywhere.

I crave intelligence, grace and tbh geekiness. I had a long relationship with someone that wasn't geek friendly and I still feel the reprecussions of that today, I lost touch with quite a few people in that time. I'd be lying if I said looks aren't a factor, but tbh when are they ever not? For me to like a girl she does not have to be stunning, she just has to click with me.

My friends routinely tell me that they can't think of a single person to set me up with. I'm strange like that.

Maybe my standards are too high? Maybe I'm just being way too picky, it's been suggested to me before. I'm not a good looking guy, I can't really afford to be as picky as I am. Sure I've pulled a few stunners in my time, but i've found that the more attractive a girl is, the less likely it is for me to like her. Or she is perfect, and I back away and worship at a safe distance, don't have the confidence to try and pull a girl who is both stunning and has a great personality (in my eyes).

Eh. Maybe I'm odd. But tonight when I was in the Brog, I looked around and there was plenty of attractive women. But I wasn't attracted to a single one of them. Maybe it was the way they laughed or something, I don't know, it was really just that I looked at them and I could tell that I didn't. Shallow eh?

I'm not sure if I'm just not giving anyone the chance or what it is. It's a bit strange.

It's been suggested to me that Cork is too small a city for me to find the right woman. It's a common suggestion actually. Is this a good or bad sign? Am I searching for some unatainable ideal woman while I'm ignoring all the potential around me?

Or should I just accept that I'm not going to find a woman that I'm genuinely attracted to, and just go out with the next woman I pull in a pub or club? I'm sorry, but I really do not feel that way is good for me. I'm just not like that and never have been.

If I was picky about looks I could understand it. But I've gone out with women who were, to be blunt, plain. Looks are definitely not the top priority for me. I'm attracted to a certain kind of personality.

And to be honest, getting to know someone on a personal level is nigh impossible in Cork where it's dominated by a pub pulling atmosphere. What I'd give to an alternative to a pub.

Eh **** it. Could be worse eh? Still, have to ask... Any advice?

Fysh

You're not the only who feels like that. When I was in UCC and going out regularly, I found it amazing that I could spend all night out meeting gorgeous women who nonetheless would bore me into walking away, regardless of whether I thought I had any chance with them. In fact, I can only think of one girl I met in a cork pub who did interest me at all, and she left for London after a few months.

It's bloody difficult in Cork to find anyone like you described, not just women to pull. I don't know many people in Cork but frankly I'd rather stick with the limited numbers I know now, because every time I make an effort to meet people of my own volition (as opposed to meeting them through friends or whatever) I seem to meet a staggeringly high proportion of braindead cattle.

Of course, it could be just that we shouldn't be looking for intelligent edgy conversation in places where people go to get totally hammered.

nesf

*looks upwards*

I don't remember posting that....

Stupid alcohol

damien

Hmmm. I think the "Cork is too small for my tastes" is just a positive excuse to grasp on to. Aren't you a maths geek? Surely if you can't find the 1 in 90,000, quadrupling the pool won't make a major difference?

My own firm belief is that I'll meet "the one" through people I know and not via meeting a random stranger in a pub or club. The more people I know and friends I have and interact with, the greater chance of meeting that special someone. Friends and associates too are a good "crazy" filter when you meet someone via them. If you meet some old classmate of your mates girlfriend and are starting to get on well, your mate and his gf can warn you if she's a bunny boiler or an unpolished diamond.

dahamsta

What Damien said. The odds of meeting someone with similar tastes and an attractive personality (and the other thing of course) at random are pretty high, whereas I reckon the odds of meeting someone like that through your group of friends are much better. After all, if they hang out with you, they're bound to hang out with people like you.

That's why I never hit on people on random nights out, or rather I do, but more in a damned-if-i-do-damned-if-i-don't type of way. (I normally don't.) I'm not into "pulling", so it's just a bit of fun for me.

adam

simu

Must people in Cork are pretty durn stupid and unoriginal. I''ve only gone out with people from other places/the insane while living here - it's the only way!

Dizzyblabla

oooh guys...
*sigh*....
ok, ya, meeting someone in the pub is probably not the best place to meet someone, but why wait for a friend to introduce you to someone who has exactly the same interests as you?? Go out and find someone different, obviously who finds you interesting too, but god, to be interested in the same things? how boring would that be, it would be all you could talk about, ok, so that is a slight exaggeration, but really, it's not that bad to meet someone who isn't exactly what you're looking for because a) the person you are looking for does not exist, or b) if you do find that person, they end up moving away as Fysh said, or they've already met someone else!!

As for finding people you meet in the pub boring or airheaded or unoriginal, of course they are, but you never give them the chance to redeem themselves with a second meeting, small talk in a pub is always the same, with anyone you meet, where do you work/what do you study blablabla same old rubbish all of the time, what do you expect, a life story? an interesting political debate? it's just not going to happen at all...

And if you do pull, chat to her for the night, chances are by the end of the night she's drunk anyway, who's to say that if you met her again that you wouldn't find something else to talk about? Don't be so quick to dismiss someone because of small little quirks, because these might be the things that you love about them in weeks/months/years to come!

Sometimes it's better to meet new people, random strangers in the pub, don't you think? After all, as the saying goes, a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet!

You shouldn't throw away the opportunity to meet a girl because of her personality in the pub, I know mine is quite different when I am out to when I'm not...
Give it a go, try something different, you'd never know, "The One" might have been the girl you got bored with because she was making small talk, it is difficult to have an intelligent conversation when you're half twisted in the pub anyway!

good luck with it anyway, but tbh, you guys are all the same, throwing away the opportunity to meet someone really nice cause of small things... I'm sick of you all!

nesf

I agree with Damien and dahamsta, it is far easier to meet the right someone through friends then it is through random pub meetings Although tbh I've made some very good friends, both male and female, through random meetings in pubs, so both are valid avenues of approach really.

Dizzyblabla, I don't dismiss women out of hand, and never speak to them again after meeting them in a pub. If I chat to a woman for any appreciable lenght of time, I generally meet them for a chat or something over coffee or again in a pub at some point. Usually with a view towards friendship. I don't just never speak to a woman again after chatting to her at a pub. I'm not that callous. Usually. If they annoy me, well then, I feel justified in avoiding them


As for searching for someone just like me....

Eh no. God no and never. I'm a huge believer in different people make the best of matches theory. Otherwise there is no disargreement or anything new to bring to the relationship. My taste in women is odd, but I prefer them to have a very different set of hobbies than me. Some crossover is good, but total crossover is just boring!

Edit: I'd like to point out that most of the people I'd consider friends have very different interests to me. I like it that way, makes life more interesting. Anyone who I've ever met that was just like me, I never got on with. In fact we usually hate each other on sight for some reason. Never nice seeing your flaws in someone else and all that jazz.

I was very much not sober for that entry, so apologies if I came across as arrogant or unclear.

Cheers for the advice/rants

nesf

Oh and wrt edgy intellectual discussion in pubs...

I take it if I get it, but tbh I don't look for it. It's not a requirement for me to enjoy myself. I like to relax and just talk about some random stuff and just go with the flow of the conversation when I'm out in the pub. I've no objections to serious discussion, I just prefer to have them when I'm sober and can hear what the other person is saying!

Call me strange....

dahamsta

I'm afraid I'm one of those saps that believes in "true love", although in a very manly way. <adam hocks up a loogie on the footpath and scratches his balls> So I'd be of the view that it's quite likely me and Miss Right will just hit it off, and one of us will figure it out at some stage*, and that'll be it.

I'm also a believer in fate, or whatever the manly term for that is, so I don't really see the point of going out every night on the off chance. Unfortunately I met one true love already, so I'm hoping hard that there isn't just the one. Otherwise it's bachelordom for me. But I've got the pad...

I can't do deep and heavy in the pub btw, which is another reason I wouldn't be mad about hitting on people (seriously) in the pub. I just can't have a conversation in there, literally can't hear people when the background music or chatter gets to a certain level.

adam

* Her really. I'm incompetent when it comes to discerning how a woman feels about me. So Rule One is that she can't be a wuss-ass. Which is just fine with me.

Shyster

hmmm.... this could go around in circles so be warned!

I know how annoying it can be to try and talk to someone in a pub and not be able to hear anything, or get nothing back from them (cos they dont want to get to know you-they're just out to score)...
BUT
Im a firm believer in the whole "you win some you lose some" theory and there is someone out there, Ive seen proof
unfortunately you've to go through a lot of
"WHAT??Sorry I cant hear you?!....I said, I CANT HEAR YOU"
on nights out before you find someone....just give it, and them, a chance!

ClareBear

:rolleyes: No wonder you can't meet a woman you'd want to date with an attitude like that! All these women can't be braindead.....ever think maybe you're the one with the problem??

nesf

ClareBear wrote:

:rolleyes: No wonder you can't meet a woman you'd want to date with an attitude like that! All these women can't be braindead.....ever think maybe you're the one with the problem??

Of course not, that would imply that I'm wrong. Pfft. Women...

jank

Of course not, that would imply that I'm wrong. Pfft. Women...

lol

Dizzyblabla

nesf wrote:

Of course not, that would imply that I'm wrong. Pfft. Women...

ahha ha ha ha! I love it!!